I recently returned from the annual conference of the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA).
At the annual ICSA International conference, cult studies experts come together to reveal common seduction, manipulation and recovery issues from many groups.
Their efforts provide tools for individuals, families, corporations, attorneys and governments to understand cult movements.
My children tease, saying I belong to the ACC or Anti-Cult Cult! When they see my computer screen lit by TMFree blog's green screen they say "Oh, Mom's busy with the TM's ACC." The difference between ICSA or other academic groups is that there is not a defining theology, lifestyle, charismatic unaccountable leadership, nor viewing of outsiders as somehow inferior or unenlightened.
The fascination of attending an ICSA workshop, for me, is to learn the common experiences among different-appearing groups.
Every human being is fallible, and thus every human group will be fallible. While ICSA is not perfect, there is benefit to uniting for common good, to expose manipulative tactics in religious, political, business and personal relationships.
By coming together for research, conversation and activism, we can provide tools for a larger audience, and also diminish our own isolation.
We, here at TMFree, reveal and discuss what we know of the underbelly of Transcendental Meditation Movement.
There are other such sites and communication venues which address the wrongs of a variety of individual cultic groups.
Cult is as cult does, regardless of the facade.
My personal greatest experience at this year's ICSA conference was a long conversation with a woman raised in polygamy. While our upbringings appear quite different, we discovered that we share identical life issues today, resulting from commonalities of our respective cult-family histories.
Other former TMers could find commonalities with former cultists from various groups. Looking at another's experience in a totalistic group can allow one to reflect back upon their TM experience.
With the release of Judith Borque's memoir as Maharishi's lover and Conny Larsson's soon-to-be-released-into-English memoir of his time with Maharishi and Sai Baba, the similarities between the TM experience and that of other cults becomes increasingly obvious.
Readers of TMFree could probably benefit from reading blogs and websites that address other cults' methods, and general cult recovery issues. While Maharishi's Transcendental Meditation has its own twist; we can all learn by exploring similarities of life issues with those from other groups. One can begin such explorations via links on the right column of this blog.
Showing posts with label victors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label victors. Show all posts
Friday, July 09, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
TMFree blog history, an Ode to CyberFriendships
Sudarsha, as "Martin" on Rick Ross' message board was the catalyst to bring together the original TMFree moderators.
John Knapp had the cyber acumen and foresight to bring our conversations public.
Using TMFree history as example, this essay (written by me) encourages all to consider accessing online recovery forums CyberVoices Unite!
For those who participate here and elsewhere, you may find interesting twists and healing!
And if you don't want to visit my link above, no problem. But you might get a kick out of early TMdaze anecdotal stories, the inital friendship between Sudarsha and me, on Rick Ross' forum Mahesh and Money
John Knapp had the cyber acumen and foresight to bring our conversations public.
Using TMFree history as example, this essay (written by me) encourages all to consider accessing online recovery forums CyberVoices Unite!
For those who participate here and elsewhere, you may find interesting twists and healing!
And if you don't want to visit my link above, no problem. But you might get a kick out of early TMdaze anecdotal stories, the inital friendship between Sudarsha and me, on Rick Ross' forum Mahesh and Money
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
"David Wants to Fly" a very personal review from a former TM-Initiator
A completely unsolicited email was sent to us by a former TM Initiator / reader of TMFree Blog, expressing the impact that "David Wants to Fly" had on him. When asked if his letter could be anonymously published unto TMFree blog, (he graciously replied "yes") his further thoughts on "His Holiness Maharishi Mahesh Yogi," and Transcendental Meditation unfolded. With minimal editing, this very personal recommendation for "David Wants to Fly" is shared with TMFree readers. Enjoy!
I am a well-known ex-initiator who wishes to remain anonymous. I surrendered my soul to Maharishi at Queen's University in August 1972.
I considered Maharishi to be my saviour and master. And my body and mind were so profoundly deceived by the mystical forces that create the experiences of TM that I at one point was certain I had achieved a higher state of consciousness.
I have spent the last 25 years attempting to expunge the effects of TM, and the beguiling and fatal charm of Maharishi.
I only imagined abstractly a point in the future where something would happen which would be powerful enough to put a context around Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization—sufficient to take him down, expose his utter corruption as a human being, and create doubts about the positive efficacy of TM.
I must admit to being joyfully staggered and amazed by David Sieveking's documentary "David Wants To Fly"—which I just saw yesterday afternoon here in Toronto.
David Sieveking's film finally, in an objective and comprehensive way, takes the measure of Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization.
I mean this in a very special way. "David Wants To Fly" became in my own subjective reading of it, reality's way of getting revenge on Maharishi for the spectacular misrepresentation of itself via TM. What I have been forced to conclude over the course of these last 25 years, is that the powers that made Maharishi what he was, and the powers which produced and which continue to produce all the experiences of TM, violate and wound the essential integrity of every human being who enters into the practice of TM. Even as the initiate or practitioner remains unconscious, or in denial, of this truth.
This is the brilliant lie that is Transcendental Meditation.
I believe I went as far as Maharishi's techniques could take someone—into a darkness and hallucinatory state of consciousness, which at first seemed so wonderfully true to what Maharishi promised—'Unity Consciousness'. I am still recovering from the effects of TM and the metaphysical charisma of Maharishi.
My point here is to declare my wonder and astonishment that this documentary seemed silently to enlist those beneficent powers inside the cosmos which were overthrown or paralyzed by Maharishi and TM: these friendly powers through David Sieveking. This film, rose up and unleashed their fury against Maharishi and the TMO, effectively refuting Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization for all time.
"David Wants To Fly" becomes reality's way of contradicting Maharishi and the TMO, creating a revelation of such devastating impact that never again can any follower of Maharishi repeat the TM catechisms without sensing a critical presence throughout the entire universe, a critical presence that has, through this film, decisively condemned Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization.
Sincerely,
Name Withheld [initiated in 1966; became initiator in early 70's]
Further thoughts unfolded in a couple of more emails, from the same person
It is so cruel to see human beings unconsciously fighting against the negative consequences of TM—the really fanatical ones become actual martyrs: they are upholding a practice which is secretly attacking them where they are most vulnerable. And their belief-system has become a tortured form of denial: life is gradually refusing to cooperate with them, and they can only dig in all the more.
I feel as if I have had a monster inside me—the Maharishi-TM incubus. It has been dying a very slow death these past 25 years, but it seemed, when I saw David's film, it lost a considerable amount of its life-force.
"David Wants To Fly" goes right at the cosmic arrogance and deceit of Maharishi. The film is the only phenomenon I have encountered in over 40 years that (almost innocently, serendipitously) acquires the intelligence (in its execution) adequate to the terrible subject to which it is addressed. Maharishi and the TMO, in some inexplicable way, have remained (in some very subtle sense) 'invincible' up until this film. This film is the great guru-slayer—for Maharishi was, undoubtedly, the most seductive, wily, and brilliant spiritual personality of our lifetime. Even as most the world knows nothing of this.
My adjudication cannot be impartial, but paradoxically I believe it is my very intimate knowledge of Maharishi and TM and the TMO that affords me the most objective viewpoint that is possible. And the film—unbeknownst to David Sieveking—is as inspired as any documentary could possibly be: because [in my opinion] its subject-matter has enlisted the intelligence of goodness that has remained silent about MMY and the TMO until now.
The film was a kind of gentle but forceful (and felicitous) exorcism. Believe me, it will not disappoint. The irony of the film is simply produced by allowing Maharishi and the TMO to exhibit themselves—against the background of what is real. It once was thrilling to be near Maharishi—and to enjoy seemingly a unified state of consciousness. Once it became clear that I was gravely deceived in this, I began my journey into hell and back while recovering. David Sieveking's documentary "David Wants To Fly" was—were I a practicing Catholic—like bathing in the healing waters of Lourdes. I felt like I could throw away my crutches.
When I talked about throwing away my crutches at Lourdes (after viewing David's film)—it was as if I was crippled by Maharishi and TM; that is, I had come to Lourdes to get cured (although I never consciously conceived of this purpose—if you follow me here—when I entered the theatre)—and the power of the film was such (in its confrontation of MMY and the TMO) that the very disease that had made me lame, that disease was as it were driven out by the force of the film, and thus I felt I could walk again.
David Sieveking's film became the vehicle (the first of its kind in my own intuition) through which the previously unchallengeable mystique and integrity of Maharishi and the TMO (and by indirection, TM itself) was smashed by reality. When the Beatles went to Rishikesh, that was one moment in the history of the TM Movement; then nothing for 43 years—until David Sieveking's documentary, which becomes—potentially— the antidote to the Beatles, because whereas the Beatles had created enormously positive publicity for Maharishi and TM, "David Wants To Fly" is a phenomenon in its own right too—creating the very opposite effect that the Beatles did—but for those who are discerning, fully equal in its potency to the decision of the Beatles to follow Maharishi to India and meditate at his ashram.
It is all a matter of taking in what comes through in the film. And whether David Sieveking knows it or not—and his learning that I believe this to be true will have no influence upon him whatsoever I suspect—the friendly and lovingly intelligent forces in the universe colluded with his own brilliance and sincerity to—for the very first time— actually take on and strike a blow against the baleful and malevolently intelligent forces which were and are behind Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and the Transcendental Meditation Movement. Of course I don't pretend to be empirical here: my own estimation of the 'cosmic' dimension of all this must be attributed to my own personal point of view. It is only fitting that, since Maharishi pretended to be acting on behalf of the intelligences which supervise and conduct the activity of the entire universe, a true critic of him meets him on this very ground—and declares: Based upon a multitude of experimental evidence, what Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has brought to civilization can be seen to be quite literally a demonic project on a gargantuan scale. The film,—I insist on this—is the only event I have known in my life since I first became enamored of Maharishi and TM, which goes right to the place in reality from where Maharishi is coming from, the place from where he derives his techniques, the place from where he lives out and performs his existence—and in doing so issues the ultimate ontological challenge to him and his organization:—as in: Maharishi, you say you speak for reality, well, David Sieveking has produced a film—Want to see it, Maharishi?—which some of those who know (knew) you best believes refutes you: Maharishi, you are refuted by reality: you are an imposter, and here is the proof. As you can see, Maharishi, It is unanswerable.
It is, then, the [adventitious] metaphysical potency of David's film which released me from the incubus of Maharishi and TM—I mean, took my own self-administered meta-therapeutic efforts to a completely different level—and I came out of that theatre truly feeling a palpable and objective sense of liberation. Amazing.
Certainly many of us had glorious, ineffably beautiful experiences using Maharishi's techniques—and even from being around him physically—but these experiences were not engendered by 'Nature', by 'creative intelligence', by contact with 'the Absolute'; no, these experiences were, every one of them, inimical to our well-being, dislocated from what is real, and warring on our unique individualities—especially our bodies: there can be no argument here; as sublime as these experiences were they were calculated to alienate us from who we really are, and were mechanically effected by forces which are filled with a perfect hatred for human beings. The bliss of these experiences is inversely proportionate to their destructiveness—I expect to carry to the grave some of the subtle and insidiously disintegrating effects of TM (plus) upon my physiology.
"David Wants To Fly" is the happiest and most efficaciously beneficial event since I first was spiritually seduced by Maharishi and his diabolical magic.
And, by the way, did I know nothing at all about TM or Maharishi, if I saw this film, I would be deeply intrigued and impressed.
I do not expect you to agree with everything I have said, particularly the metaphysics of my analysis of Maharishi and TM. One thing is very clear though: whatever promises were contained in that first experience of transcendence, those promises have proved to be bogus. Not a single devotee of Maharishi is making any spiritual progress whatsoever, and every one of these long-term TMO persons know this. The bloom is off TM for those in the know. The question for me becomes: why was Maharishi Mahesh Yogi permitted to perpetuate this extraordinary fraud upon the human race? And watching David Lynch in the movie, I thought: what an intelligent, well-intentioned, even gracious person he is. If only he had really gone all the way and become an initiator, then he really would have something in common with those who are all around him in his TM enterprises: then he would not be so shockingly naive. Not only because of his status in the world, as a great artist, but also because he has not been entirely infected by the worst form of the TM malignancy—that which afflicts all those who became (and remained) teachers of TM—does the TMO have him (DL) out in front doing all these charitable deeds for the Movement. Bevan Morris et al—the whole works of them—they know in their heart of hearts that David Lynch is somehow riding on the enthusiasm that they once had (before they became secretly jaded and defeated—repressed as this is) for Maharishi and TM—sooner or later David Lynch is going to ask his first really hard question: COULD I BE WRONG ABOUT MAHARISHI AND TM?
Yes, you are, David Lynch —good man that you no doubt are. As an artist, as a thinker, as a human being, you can have no truly honest rebuttal to David Sieveking's film.
Are you still here, Gina? Sorry about this, but I had—think of it as therapy for me—use this opportunity to let you know what I have kept inside me all these years. And David's film almost seems to present to me this prerogative. Thank God for David's film.
"Removing all identifying information"—as long as you do this, of course I don't mind—and am pleased—if you find anything I write worthy of passing along.
One thing I ask —if you can grant me this—that, under no circumstances will you give away any information which could allow other persons to speculate on my identity.
I know my brain has been permanently damaged by TM—although I compensate for this as best I can, and I am no where near as 'Maharishi-ized" as I was in that part of my anatomy. David's film, by the way, was salutary for my brain in just this very way.
I am a well-known ex-initiator who wishes to remain anonymous. I surrendered my soul to Maharishi at Queen's University in August 1972.
I considered Maharishi to be my saviour and master. And my body and mind were so profoundly deceived by the mystical forces that create the experiences of TM that I at one point was certain I had achieved a higher state of consciousness.
I have spent the last 25 years attempting to expunge the effects of TM, and the beguiling and fatal charm of Maharishi.
I only imagined abstractly a point in the future where something would happen which would be powerful enough to put a context around Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization—sufficient to take him down, expose his utter corruption as a human being, and create doubts about the positive efficacy of TM.
I must admit to being joyfully staggered and amazed by David Sieveking's documentary "David Wants To Fly"—which I just saw yesterday afternoon here in Toronto.
David Sieveking's film finally, in an objective and comprehensive way, takes the measure of Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization.
I mean this in a very special way. "David Wants To Fly" became in my own subjective reading of it, reality's way of getting revenge on Maharishi for the spectacular misrepresentation of itself via TM. What I have been forced to conclude over the course of these last 25 years, is that the powers that made Maharishi what he was, and the powers which produced and which continue to produce all the experiences of TM, violate and wound the essential integrity of every human being who enters into the practice of TM. Even as the initiate or practitioner remains unconscious, or in denial, of this truth.
This is the brilliant lie that is Transcendental Meditation.
I believe I went as far as Maharishi's techniques could take someone—into a darkness and hallucinatory state of consciousness, which at first seemed so wonderfully true to what Maharishi promised—'Unity Consciousness'. I am still recovering from the effects of TM and the metaphysical charisma of Maharishi.
My point here is to declare my wonder and astonishment that this documentary seemed silently to enlist those beneficent powers inside the cosmos which were overthrown or paralyzed by Maharishi and TM: these friendly powers through David Sieveking. This film, rose up and unleashed their fury against Maharishi and the TMO, effectively refuting Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization for all time.
"David Wants To Fly" becomes reality's way of contradicting Maharishi and the TMO, creating a revelation of such devastating impact that never again can any follower of Maharishi repeat the TM catechisms without sensing a critical presence throughout the entire universe, a critical presence that has, through this film, decisively condemned Maharishi and the Transcendental Meditation Organization.
Sincerely,
Name Withheld [initiated in 1966; became initiator in early 70's]
Further thoughts unfolded in a couple of more emails, from the same person
It is so cruel to see human beings unconsciously fighting against the negative consequences of TM—the really fanatical ones become actual martyrs: they are upholding a practice which is secretly attacking them where they are most vulnerable. And their belief-system has become a tortured form of denial: life is gradually refusing to cooperate with them, and they can only dig in all the more.
I feel as if I have had a monster inside me—the Maharishi-TM incubus. It has been dying a very slow death these past 25 years, but it seemed, when I saw David's film, it lost a considerable amount of its life-force.
"David Wants To Fly" goes right at the cosmic arrogance and deceit of Maharishi. The film is the only phenomenon I have encountered in over 40 years that (almost innocently, serendipitously) acquires the intelligence (in its execution) adequate to the terrible subject to which it is addressed. Maharishi and the TMO, in some inexplicable way, have remained (in some very subtle sense) 'invincible' up until this film. This film is the great guru-slayer—for Maharishi was, undoubtedly, the most seductive, wily, and brilliant spiritual personality of our lifetime. Even as most the world knows nothing of this.
My adjudication cannot be impartial, but paradoxically I believe it is my very intimate knowledge of Maharishi and TM and the TMO that affords me the most objective viewpoint that is possible. And the film—unbeknownst to David Sieveking—is as inspired as any documentary could possibly be: because [in my opinion] its subject-matter has enlisted the intelligence of goodness that has remained silent about MMY and the TMO until now.
The film was a kind of gentle but forceful (and felicitous) exorcism. Believe me, it will not disappoint. The irony of the film is simply produced by allowing Maharishi and the TMO to exhibit themselves—against the background of what is real. It once was thrilling to be near Maharishi—and to enjoy seemingly a unified state of consciousness. Once it became clear that I was gravely deceived in this, I began my journey into hell and back while recovering. David Sieveking's documentary "David Wants To Fly" was—were I a practicing Catholic—like bathing in the healing waters of Lourdes. I felt like I could throw away my crutches.
When I talked about throwing away my crutches at Lourdes (after viewing David's film)—it was as if I was crippled by Maharishi and TM; that is, I had come to Lourdes to get cured (although I never consciously conceived of this purpose—if you follow me here—when I entered the theatre)—and the power of the film was such (in its confrontation of MMY and the TMO) that the very disease that had made me lame, that disease was as it were driven out by the force of the film, and thus I felt I could walk again.
David Sieveking's film became the vehicle (the first of its kind in my own intuition) through which the previously unchallengeable mystique and integrity of Maharishi and the TMO (and by indirection, TM itself) was smashed by reality. When the Beatles went to Rishikesh, that was one moment in the history of the TM Movement; then nothing for 43 years—until David Sieveking's documentary, which becomes—potentially— the antidote to the Beatles, because whereas the Beatles had created enormously positive publicity for Maharishi and TM, "David Wants To Fly" is a phenomenon in its own right too—creating the very opposite effect that the Beatles did—but for those who are discerning, fully equal in its potency to the decision of the Beatles to follow Maharishi to India and meditate at his ashram.
It is all a matter of taking in what comes through in the film. And whether David Sieveking knows it or not—and his learning that I believe this to be true will have no influence upon him whatsoever I suspect—the friendly and lovingly intelligent forces in the universe colluded with his own brilliance and sincerity to—for the very first time— actually take on and strike a blow against the baleful and malevolently intelligent forces which were and are behind Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and the Transcendental Meditation Movement. Of course I don't pretend to be empirical here: my own estimation of the 'cosmic' dimension of all this must be attributed to my own personal point of view. It is only fitting that, since Maharishi pretended to be acting on behalf of the intelligences which supervise and conduct the activity of the entire universe, a true critic of him meets him on this very ground—and declares: Based upon a multitude of experimental evidence, what Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has brought to civilization can be seen to be quite literally a demonic project on a gargantuan scale. The film,—I insist on this—is the only event I have known in my life since I first became enamored of Maharishi and TM, which goes right to the place in reality from where Maharishi is coming from, the place from where he derives his techniques, the place from where he lives out and performs his existence—and in doing so issues the ultimate ontological challenge to him and his organization:—as in: Maharishi, you say you speak for reality, well, David Sieveking has produced a film—Want to see it, Maharishi?—which some of those who know (knew) you best believes refutes you: Maharishi, you are refuted by reality: you are an imposter, and here is the proof. As you can see, Maharishi, It is unanswerable.
It is, then, the [adventitious] metaphysical potency of David's film which released me from the incubus of Maharishi and TM—I mean, took my own self-administered meta-therapeutic efforts to a completely different level—and I came out of that theatre truly feeling a palpable and objective sense of liberation. Amazing.
Certainly many of us had glorious, ineffably beautiful experiences using Maharishi's techniques—and even from being around him physically—but these experiences were not engendered by 'Nature', by 'creative intelligence', by contact with 'the Absolute'; no, these experiences were, every one of them, inimical to our well-being, dislocated from what is real, and warring on our unique individualities—especially our bodies: there can be no argument here; as sublime as these experiences were they were calculated to alienate us from who we really are, and were mechanically effected by forces which are filled with a perfect hatred for human beings. The bliss of these experiences is inversely proportionate to their destructiveness—I expect to carry to the grave some of the subtle and insidiously disintegrating effects of TM (plus) upon my physiology.
"David Wants To Fly" is the happiest and most efficaciously beneficial event since I first was spiritually seduced by Maharishi and his diabolical magic.
And, by the way, did I know nothing at all about TM or Maharishi, if I saw this film, I would be deeply intrigued and impressed.
I do not expect you to agree with everything I have said, particularly the metaphysics of my analysis of Maharishi and TM. One thing is very clear though: whatever promises were contained in that first experience of transcendence, those promises have proved to be bogus. Not a single devotee of Maharishi is making any spiritual progress whatsoever, and every one of these long-term TMO persons know this. The bloom is off TM for those in the know. The question for me becomes: why was Maharishi Mahesh Yogi permitted to perpetuate this extraordinary fraud upon the human race? And watching David Lynch in the movie, I thought: what an intelligent, well-intentioned, even gracious person he is. If only he had really gone all the way and become an initiator, then he really would have something in common with those who are all around him in his TM enterprises: then he would not be so shockingly naive. Not only because of his status in the world, as a great artist, but also because he has not been entirely infected by the worst form of the TM malignancy—that which afflicts all those who became (and remained) teachers of TM—does the TMO have him (DL) out in front doing all these charitable deeds for the Movement. Bevan Morris et al—the whole works of them—they know in their heart of hearts that David Lynch is somehow riding on the enthusiasm that they once had (before they became secretly jaded and defeated—repressed as this is) for Maharishi and TM—sooner or later David Lynch is going to ask his first really hard question: COULD I BE WRONG ABOUT MAHARISHI AND TM?
Yes, you are, David Lynch —good man that you no doubt are. As an artist, as a thinker, as a human being, you can have no truly honest rebuttal to David Sieveking's film.
Are you still here, Gina? Sorry about this, but I had—think of it as therapy for me—use this opportunity to let you know what I have kept inside me all these years. And David's film almost seems to present to me this prerogative. Thank God for David's film.
"Removing all identifying information"—as long as you do this, of course I don't mind—and am pleased—if you find anything I write worthy of passing along.
One thing I ask —if you can grant me this—that, under no circumstances will you give away any information which could allow other persons to speculate on my identity.
I know my brain has been permanently damaged by TM—although I compensate for this as best I can, and I am no where near as 'Maharishi-ized" as I was in that part of my anatomy. David's film, by the way, was salutary for my brain in just this very way.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Gina creates her own blog "Coming To Life"
Hi Gang,
Many of TMFree readers follow John Knapp or Mike Doughney on their various websites and blogs.
Just letting you know that I've begun a personal blog, in addition to TMFree activism.
Posts may be erratic, depending upon time conflicts. I'm planning on at least one post weekly, hopefully more.
Please accept an open invitation to explore another site sometimes related to TMFree Blog conversation.
Coming To Life will be a story telling compliment to TMFree Blog.
"Stories for all who've lost their rose colored glasses, been ground to ashes, and arose stronger, with clearer vision to stand in their personal truth. As an inspirational woman once taught me, "to stand in the ambiguity." This blog will include stories related to an upbringing and family life with cult dynamic of the Transcendental Meditation Movement, birth stories loosely based upon my career as a Nurse-Midwife, along with others' stories of renewal and birth. Characters will be composite mosaics. Any similarity to actual products, or persons either living or dead, is purely coincidental, unless specifically stated otherwise. Any coincidental likeness and or words are not real."
Happy Spring! The season of rebirth!
Many of TMFree readers follow John Knapp or Mike Doughney on their various websites and blogs.
Just letting you know that I've begun a personal blog, in addition to TMFree activism.
Posts may be erratic, depending upon time conflicts. I'm planning on at least one post weekly, hopefully more.
Please accept an open invitation to explore another site sometimes related to TMFree Blog conversation.
Coming To Life will be a story telling compliment to TMFree Blog.
"Stories for all who've lost their rose colored glasses, been ground to ashes, and arose stronger, with clearer vision to stand in their personal truth. As an inspirational woman once taught me, "to stand in the ambiguity." This blog will include stories related to an upbringing and family life with cult dynamic of the Transcendental Meditation Movement, birth stories loosely based upon my career as a Nurse-Midwife, along with others' stories of renewal and birth. Characters will be composite mosaics. Any similarity to actual products, or persons either living or dead, is purely coincidental, unless specifically stated otherwise. Any coincidental likeness and or words are not real."
Happy Spring! The season of rebirth!
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
New York Times on exiting and exposing a cult (Scientology)
The New York Times of Sunday, March 7th (hard copy edition) had an interesting front page article about exiting and exposing Scientology.
Those who left the Transcendental Meditation Movement after working close to inner core activities probably can relate to Scientology tactics in this article... abysmally low wages, expensive advanced courses, repression of bad outcomes, promotion, protection & catering to celebrity participants, intimidation tactics about departure & about publicly disclosing inner 'secrets', rejection from so-called loved ones after speaking doubts about cult teachings or departing, difficulty integrating to the outside world.
For those interested, this link brings you to the online article:
Defectors say Church of Scientology Hides Abuse published by New York Times, March 6, 2010 (internet edition).
Those who left the Transcendental Meditation Movement after working close to inner core activities probably can relate to Scientology tactics in this article... abysmally low wages, expensive advanced courses, repression of bad outcomes, promotion, protection & catering to celebrity participants, intimidation tactics about departure & about publicly disclosing inner 'secrets', rejection from so-called loved ones after speaking doubts about cult teachings or departing, difficulty integrating to the outside world.
For those interested, this link brings you to the online article:
Defectors say Church of Scientology Hides Abuse published by New York Times, March 6, 2010 (internet edition).
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Transcendental Meditation and other cult recovery in the Los Angeles Area
Cult Recovery Workshop:
International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)
HELP FOR LOS ANGELES RESIDENTS WHO HAVE LEFT CULTS OR HIGH DEMAND GROUPS
If you have left a cult or other high demand group, live in Los Angeles,
and need help with things like
* education and career planning
* medical and mental health care
* employment
* housing resources
* general adjustment to mainstream living
the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) invites you to work
with a case manager educated on issues of cult involvement, who can both
help with practical problems and offer support as you adjust to your new
life.
The service, at Venice Family Clinic, is free for low-income residents
of the West Side of Los Angeles. The program operates during the
academic year and will resume September 9, 2009.
Give it a try! Call a clinician at Venice Family Clinic:
310-664-7522
to check your eligibility or make an appointment.
(Note: This is not a line to a receptionist. You will not have to make
awkward explanations. A clinician will get your message and return the
call.)
Please send this message to people in West Los Angeles who might benefit
from the service. ICSA thanks the Venice Family Clinic for renewing
this project, which began in 2008. We also thank Dr. Doni Whitsett of
the University of Southern California, the project's Clinical Director,
and Livia Bardin, M.S.W., who initiated and chairs the project.
International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)
International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)
HELP FOR LOS ANGELES RESIDENTS WHO HAVE LEFT CULTS OR HIGH DEMAND GROUPS
If you have left a cult or other high demand group, live in Los Angeles,
and need help with things like
* education and career planning
* medical and mental health care
* employment
* housing resources
* general adjustment to mainstream living
the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) invites you to work
with a case manager educated on issues of cult involvement, who can both
help with practical problems and offer support as you adjust to your new
life.
The service, at Venice Family Clinic, is free for low-income residents
of the West Side of Los Angeles. The program operates during the
academic year and will resume September 9, 2009.
Give it a try! Call a clinician at Venice Family Clinic:
310-664-7522
to check your eligibility or make an appointment.
(Note: This is not a line to a receptionist. You will not have to make
awkward explanations. A clinician will get your message and return the
call.)
Please send this message to people in West Los Angeles who might benefit
from the service. ICSA thanks the Venice Family Clinic for renewing
this project, which began in 2008. We also thank Dr. Doni Whitsett of
the University of Southern California, the project's Clinical Director,
and Livia Bardin, M.S.W., who initiated and chairs the project.
International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)
Monday, July 28, 2008
"Larry King Live!" July 31st interviews Juliana Buhring of 'Children of God'/ 'The Family'
Keep your eyes peeled for "Larry King Live" on July 31st! (I hope Larry King doesn't change the program's date)
Juliana is young, beautiful, intelligent and a dynamic speaker! This interview undoubtedly will be wrenching and enlightening for American viewers!
Her memoir with her sisters "Not Without My Sister" was a 2007 & 2008 bestseller in UK and Australia; their publisher, Harper Collins, did not promote the book well in the USA.
Juliana and her siblings were raised around the world in the cult 'Children of God'/'The Family', the ultimate Bible-based free love group, which included ample 'sharing love' with everyone including children, i.e. pedophilia as religious practice.
The 'Children of God' organization now officially denies these teachings. Their leadership remains in hiding.
Juliana unrelentingly publicizes damage wrought to children raised within destructive groups, and works to create international codes for child protection, including removal of statutes of limitations which protect perpetrators.
Juliana is driven by concern for her younger siblings still within the group, and for others who live with crippling psychosis or who've needlessly died.
You won't want to miss this one!
Juliana's engaging, heartfelt stories, matter of fact humor, and poise are a testament to the resiliency of the human spirit.
Juliana is young, beautiful, intelligent and a dynamic speaker! This interview undoubtedly will be wrenching and enlightening for American viewers!
Her memoir with her sisters "Not Without My Sister" was a 2007 & 2008 bestseller in UK and Australia; their publisher, Harper Collins, did not promote the book well in the USA.
Juliana and her siblings were raised around the world in the cult 'Children of God'/'The Family', the ultimate Bible-based free love group, which included ample 'sharing love' with everyone including children, i.e. pedophilia as religious practice.
The 'Children of God' organization now officially denies these teachings. Their leadership remains in hiding.
Juliana unrelentingly publicizes damage wrought to children raised within destructive groups, and works to create international codes for child protection, including removal of statutes of limitations which protect perpetrators.
Juliana is driven by concern for her younger siblings still within the group, and for others who live with crippling psychosis or who've needlessly died.
You won't want to miss this one!
Juliana's engaging, heartfelt stories, matter of fact humor, and poise are a testament to the resiliency of the human spirit.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
For the TM-kids - Extreme Recovery
TM kids:
Please read this latest article/link, an inspirational story of a cult-kid & family turnaround.
You will find analogies between Jim Jr's post-Jonestown inner conflicts and your own.
You are each capable of a successful turnaround. Don't forget it!
To remind that you are not alone:
Escape from Jonestown; How basketball gave life to a son and grandson of the infamous cult leader Jim Jones
Like Jim Jr, most of us TM-kids love/loved our childhood community. As adults, we kept community secrets from the public to avoid hurting our loved ones. (thankfully, MMY's power mongering did not include massive death... only occassional resulting individual psychosis and suicides).
When TM cult-kids question the community dysfunction and regulations, they are told they are "too negative," "cease those tomasic thoughts," "you are just unstressing," and the like. They learn to lie to protect the "higher values", luring others to the community, supposedly for their own good.
"The purity is good for your evolution. Your consciousness will expand here."
These mixed messages cause an inner dissonance for youth. They see the goodness in their loved ones, they know the high intentions of True Believers, yet they live a restricted regimented lifestyle. It can be difficult to make sense of it all.
Like all cult kids, there is an inner battle of inspiring, naive love tainted with confusing and/or ugly memories. Jim Jr's inner turmoil is the extreme of the spectrum of love/confusion/rejection/regret and adulation that we remember.
In cults, teachings may not be the culprit (at least not initially)... destructive methods are problematic.
You don't need anyone to dictate your life.
Truly, liberation comes with claiming one's voice, and integrating the past -- including inevitable rejection from some, and stigma from others. Pretending we don't have a past -- well, it usually doesn't work for the long haul (trust me, I tried).
My children and dearest friends know our heritage. Like other TM-kids, we love people that others consider nuts. My children and I visited the TM-community every few years, after our long ago departure. We maintain family-like ties with other former TMers.
We avoid other loved ones because True Believers can be crazy-making!
Jim Jr. claimed his voice, years after his family & community tragedy, through his son's love for basketball (the sport which simultaneously saved the lives of Jim Jr and his brothers, and likewise prevented them from confronting their father to interfere with the Jonestown tragedy).
Thank heavens we were spared the intensity of the Jones' family drama!
Just as Jim Jr descended into alcohol to hide from his pain (read the article), many cult kids drown in drugs and alcohol attempting to make sense of their pain.
TM cult-parents shrug off this phenomenon, accepting their youth "toy with the darkness because adolescent hormones cause serious unstressing."
TM parents are later perpelexed when grown children leave the community and minimize further contact.
One TM kid was recently dying from liver failure (alcohol abuse) in University of Iowa hospital, others passed away in related circumstances. Some have been in and out of jail.
(what?? TM is supposed to lower the crime rate?! but FF's crime rate increased since MIU/MUM came to town!)
Years after leaving my beloved TM community, I realized that psychosis, suicide attempts and bankruptcies do not occur in such high rates in average middle class communites.
Some grown TM-kids maintain the family lifestyle, obtaining MUM degrees and employed in underpaid positions for the Movement. Some remain in town for small town community 'sweetness," but keep a non vocal disagreement w/ the cult-establishment (as I once did). They turn a blind eye to the surrounding lifestyle and herd mentality to preserve beloved family connections. Others profit from the TM community.
Maharishi taught us, like Lord Krishna encouraging Arjuna on the battlefield of life, we must sometimes stand against our families to protect truth.
That familiar Gita line inspired the letter to the San Rafael School Board when a TM program was rolled out in my new community's high school. This letter was circulated to the press and the TM Movement's echeleon.
The David Lynch Foundation quickly withdrew their grant to the Terra Linda High School.
A respected TM leader (an old friend, featured on History Channel's recent show about MMY) sent a private email: "Gina, never contact me again. May God have mercy on your soul." Others used harsher words.
But you know what? Lightning did NOT strike my family for coming forth!
TM kids, you are many now!
Some choose to pretend their past never existed.
Jim Jr's sister took the family secrets to her death bed. My brother, now a father, an IT executive and a Mormon high priest, refuses to discuss our history stating, "I try really hard not to remember."
Whether you choose to dissavow yourself from the past, or to embrace the cult upbringing into your present persona, you CAN stand on your own to succeed, as Reverand Jones' sons did in the above inspiring article. Please read the story linked at the top of this essay. May their story inspire you. You are not alone. You can bridge the inner dissonance caused by your confusing upbringing.
You deserve acknowledgement for overcoming and creating your lives! Hats off to you! ..and Happy Holi-daze!
Please read this latest article/link, an inspirational story of a cult-kid & family turnaround.
You will find analogies between Jim Jr's post-Jonestown inner conflicts and your own.
You are each capable of a successful turnaround. Don't forget it!
To remind that you are not alone:
Escape from Jonestown; How basketball gave life to a son and grandson of the infamous cult leader Jim Jones
Like Jim Jr, most of us TM-kids love/loved our childhood community. As adults, we kept community secrets from the public to avoid hurting our loved ones. (thankfully, MMY's power mongering did not include massive death... only occassional resulting individual psychosis and suicides).
When TM cult-kids question the community dysfunction and regulations, they are told they are "too negative," "cease those tomasic thoughts," "you are just unstressing," and the like. They learn to lie to protect the "higher values", luring others to the community, supposedly for their own good.
"The purity is good for your evolution. Your consciousness will expand here."
These mixed messages cause an inner dissonance for youth. They see the goodness in their loved ones, they know the high intentions of True Believers, yet they live a restricted regimented lifestyle. It can be difficult to make sense of it all.
Like all cult kids, there is an inner battle of inspiring, naive love tainted with confusing and/or ugly memories. Jim Jr's inner turmoil is the extreme of the spectrum of love/confusion/rejection/regret and adulation that we remember.
In cults, teachings may not be the culprit (at least not initially)... destructive methods are problematic.
You don't need anyone to dictate your life.
Truly, liberation comes with claiming one's voice, and integrating the past -- including inevitable rejection from some, and stigma from others. Pretending we don't have a past -- well, it usually doesn't work for the long haul (trust me, I tried).
My children and dearest friends know our heritage. Like other TM-kids, we love people that others consider nuts. My children and I visited the TM-community every few years, after our long ago departure. We maintain family-like ties with other former TMers.
We avoid other loved ones because True Believers can be crazy-making!
Jim Jr. claimed his voice, years after his family & community tragedy, through his son's love for basketball (the sport which simultaneously saved the lives of Jim Jr and his brothers, and likewise prevented them from confronting their father to interfere with the Jonestown tragedy).
Thank heavens we were spared the intensity of the Jones' family drama!
Just as Jim Jr descended into alcohol to hide from his pain (read the article), many cult kids drown in drugs and alcohol attempting to make sense of their pain.
TM cult-parents shrug off this phenomenon, accepting their youth "toy with the darkness because adolescent hormones cause serious unstressing."
TM parents are later perpelexed when grown children leave the community and minimize further contact.
One TM kid was recently dying from liver failure (alcohol abuse) in University of Iowa hospital, others passed away in related circumstances. Some have been in and out of jail.
(what?? TM is supposed to lower the crime rate?! but FF's crime rate increased since MIU/MUM came to town!)
Years after leaving my beloved TM community, I realized that psychosis, suicide attempts and bankruptcies do not occur in such high rates in average middle class communites.
Some grown TM-kids maintain the family lifestyle, obtaining MUM degrees and employed in underpaid positions for the Movement. Some remain in town for small town community 'sweetness," but keep a non vocal disagreement w/ the cult-establishment (as I once did). They turn a blind eye to the surrounding lifestyle and herd mentality to preserve beloved family connections. Others profit from the TM community.
Maharishi taught us, like Lord Krishna encouraging Arjuna on the battlefield of life, we must sometimes stand against our families to protect truth.
That familiar Gita line inspired the letter to the San Rafael School Board when a TM program was rolled out in my new community's high school. This letter was circulated to the press and the TM Movement's echeleon.
The David Lynch Foundation quickly withdrew their grant to the Terra Linda High School.
A respected TM leader (an old friend, featured on History Channel's recent show about MMY) sent a private email: "Gina, never contact me again. May God have mercy on your soul." Others used harsher words.
But you know what? Lightning did NOT strike my family for coming forth!
TM kids, you are many now!
Some choose to pretend their past never existed.
Jim Jr's sister took the family secrets to her death bed. My brother, now a father, an IT executive and a Mormon high priest, refuses to discuss our history stating, "I try really hard not to remember."
Whether you choose to dissavow yourself from the past, or to embrace the cult upbringing into your present persona, you CAN stand on your own to succeed, as Reverand Jones' sons did in the above inspiring article. Please read the story linked at the top of this essay. May their story inspire you. You are not alone. You can bridge the inner dissonance caused by your confusing upbringing.
You deserve acknowledgement for overcoming and creating your lives! Hats off to you! ..and Happy Holi-daze!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Something(s) Good IS Happening
Despite our harping on ultimate motives and damage within the TM Organization, some good folks who succumbed spurned creatively inspiring projects. Caring friendships often cross lines of belief-systems.
At Amherst's 1979 first "World Peace Assembly" and ongoing afterwards, M encouraged entrepreneurship. M's ultimate goal was to glean a percentage of proceeds from followers' successes and abject failures (through which M & family benefitted).
Individual determination generated some interesting & successful enterprises from TM practitioners. These individual successes are not TM successes. No need to "Jai Guru Dev" for individual determination and work ethic.
FF's "Ru" community now includes former TMers who continue to reside locally, devoted TMers, and grown TM-children who may not necessarily practice TM but know no other home.
For those interested, online radio KRUUFM of Fairfield Iowa features the creative upside of FF's TM's remnants - in a community at peace with its colorful identity.
At Amherst's 1979 first "World Peace Assembly" and ongoing afterwards, M encouraged entrepreneurship. M's ultimate goal was to glean a percentage of proceeds from followers' successes and abject failures (through which M & family benefitted).
Individual determination generated some interesting & successful enterprises from TM practitioners. These individual successes are not TM successes. No need to "Jai Guru Dev" for individual determination and work ethic.
FF's "Ru" community now includes former TMers who continue to reside locally, devoted TMers, and grown TM-children who may not necessarily practice TM but know no other home.
For those interested, online radio KRUUFM of Fairfield Iowa features the creative upside of FF's TM's remnants - in a community at peace with its colorful identity.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Transcendental Paranoia
by Gina Catena, M.S.
Coercive Persuasion, “thought reform,” or “brainwashing” includes taboos against speaking truth. While under the influence, we felt secure and safe in our paradigm. We knew privileged secrets, advanced techniques, mantras and higher level “knowledge” as provided on special courses. We believed, and told outsiders, the scripted benefits of TM and memorized Hinduesque teachings.
Amongst ourselves we chuckled about the Movement’s financial shenanigans, Nazi-like environmental and social control on courses. Still we feared speaking forth to detail others’ psychosis, suicides, wild antics, hidden sexual and drug abuse –in the interest of protecting our teachings and the Movement’s reputation.
We believed in our higher purpose - to uphold the Movement’s integrity and not allow negative press to befall upon our beloved Maharishi, while MMY’s Shrivastara family lived in comfort from our families’ contributions.
Secrets began with instruction of our mantra, never to be repeated aloud, “for our own benefit.” Little by little, we acclimated to organized scrutiny for deemed worthiness, and increasing levels of security “for our own benefit,” as we advanced.
Transcendental Paranoia was instilled from the beginning. We navigated through detailed interviews and applications for advanced courses, letters of recommendation from Initiators or Governors of the Age of Enlightenment (we were denied copies of our files or applications). We proved our allegiance to the “purity of the teachings.” We carried validated photo identification badges to enter meetings, group meditations, and even for some functions at satellite TM centers around the world. We accepted when the “Capital of the Age of Enlightenment” staff told us that our identity cards were the Capital’s property, not ours, to be relinquished if we left.
If we explored other venues, we were afraid of being identified as unfaithful to Maharishi. Many lied on TM program applications, denying exploration of other spiritual teachers, meditation practices or psychotherapy to assure their continued group acceptance (demonstrating a lack of true help!).
We kept secrets to maintain our “spiritual evolution” and allegiance to the Movement, our beloved and dysfunctional “TM-family.” Fear of the truth was deeply ingrained.
We ignored negative press from outside of the Movement, and blamed our communities’ tragedies upon “unstressing,” “purification,” or individual “bad karma.” We attributed all problems to individual shortcomings, all good was attributed gratefully to TM and Maharishi. “Jai Guru Dev” (Exaltations to Guru Dev). More Secrets.
After leaving the Movement, many do not disclose TM-histories with outsiders, lest we betray loved ones, or become stigmatized from the outside world. Likewise, I remained silent for nearly 20 years, while living a double life.
An innate anxiety often arises when disclosing details of our TM Movement/cult with outsiders. Common themes are: “My TM-based loved ones will reject me. They were well intentioned. They are not bad people. What will I have left if they reject me?”
Revealing our TM background knowledge can provoke anxiety precisely because, in speaking forth, we run counter to deeply ingrained patterns. The famed TM “bubble diagram” of transcending to the source of thought, applies to the depth of our brainwashing when in a trance state. The blend of group belonging, fear of ignorant outsiders, and reverence for our “sacred tradition’ were planted deep in our primal brain. Many fear legal retribution, verbal assaults, and rejection from loved ones if they speak of their TM past.
Fear of group rejection is a protective biological mechanism. A primitive lifestyle requires group effort for human survival. In the wild, tribal rejection equals certain death. That is why we want to maintain our group membership.
For silent former TM-ers, your anxiety is real, psychologically and biologically understandable – but not necessary. We won’t die if we reveal our past to the world. What a liberating thought!
Former TMers may also experience anxiety speaking of their history, wondering how this will influence their integration to a new community, “How will outsiders understand? “They will think I’m insane of they know my history.” “How will this stymie me professionally?” “None can understand how I participated in such ridiculousness.” They won’t understand why I continue to love those who remain in the cult.” Or “They won’t understand why I did not leave sooner.”
From sheer embarrassment, many MIU/ MUM graduates struggle with their alma mater on their professional resume. They try “MI University” or “M International University” or other derivatives. Job interviews may focus upon justifying their education rather than upon employment qualifications, while explaining that Maharishi International University really is an accredited private university (meeting minimum standards of academic literacy). Oftentimes, the desired job is not offered because the interviewer was distracted by the story of Maharishi’s exotic university.
Shakespeare’s wisdom, “To be or not to be, that is the question” is appropriate here. To be true to one self includes choosing whether to speak forth or maintain privacy about a cult past. Speaking forth is a highly personal choice. There is not a right nor wrong.
Cult experts (some are now personal friends), often state, “True recovery requires cutting all ties to the cult.”
I disagree with them on this point, and I tell them so. For those raised in a cult, sharing our history may result in rejection from our loved ones of origin. Then where do we turn?
At the 2006 trial for Warren Jeffs, president of the polygamist cult of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (not TM related), a young teenage bride refused to speak when called to testify in court. She was arrested for contempt of court. This reveals lack of understanding of the great emotional and psychological risk to which the court system placed this young girl, by asking her to publicly describe her confusing family and community. If she spoke of her knowledge, she would have lost all that she knew and had nowhere to turn. Of course she kept the ugly secrets, because her identity, life and loved ones are with the controversial community.
The young woman in Jeffs' trial, above, experienced an acute crises of any cult-raised person's inner conflict. Maintaining connections to family of origin, requires continuing to live with shrouds of secrecy. Speaking truth as a whole person, removing the shrouds, risks rejection from family and community of origin accompanied by possible social or professional stigmas elsewhere. It may be a painful choice.
One friend was raised in a different highly publicized cult outside of North America. She attends graduate school in the USA, is married to an American: they are raising their family. She keeps her history private, even to the instructors in her graduate psychotherapy studies. Media publicity about her cult-family is scathing. She chooses silence to protect her children from social repercussions if her history were public knowledge.
She states, “Even experienced therapists and most psychology professors don’t understand about children raised in cults. Many therapists assume we are psychotic, have split personalities or other severe disorders. There were some terrible situations and tragedies. But many of us survived and are functional after several years of painful personal soul searching. We became well after years of wrenching inner work. Therapists will label us too quickly.”
Through her silence, my friend protects her children from social stigma, and from rejection by cult-grandparents. I had chosen the same until my children were grown.
In coming forth, I sadly accept that loved ones from my TM past will reject me as being “of the dark side.” One dear old TM-friend recently glared at me saying I was “flirting with the enemy.” After my well-circulated letter to the San Rafael School Board, a revered TM leader, with whom I'd had a decades long relationship, told me, "May God have mercy on your soul. Do not contact me ever again." I was prepared for rejection from those of my history. Others might not be willing to risk such loss.
Speaking forth is a highly individual decision. Some choose anonymity; some prefer silence about their TM histories. Coming forth brings rewards at a price.
If you read this and are anxious about speaking, please do not berate yourself. There is deeply ingrained programming against coming forth. It takes awhile to untangle. It is important to have others who will emotionally support your honesty and courage, rather than ostracize you for your honesty.
If you choose to come forth, your voice will become stronger with practice. However, It is equally valid to silently hold your history, memories, and loved ones near and dear to your heart.
Vaya con Dios
Coercive Persuasion, “thought reform,” or “brainwashing” includes taboos against speaking truth. While under the influence, we felt secure and safe in our paradigm. We knew privileged secrets, advanced techniques, mantras and higher level “knowledge” as provided on special courses. We believed, and told outsiders, the scripted benefits of TM and memorized Hinduesque teachings.
Amongst ourselves we chuckled about the Movement’s financial shenanigans, Nazi-like environmental and social control on courses. Still we feared speaking forth to detail others’ psychosis, suicides, wild antics, hidden sexual and drug abuse –in the interest of protecting our teachings and the Movement’s reputation.
We believed in our higher purpose - to uphold the Movement’s integrity and not allow negative press to befall upon our beloved Maharishi, while MMY’s Shrivastara family lived in comfort from our families’ contributions.
Secrets began with instruction of our mantra, never to be repeated aloud, “for our own benefit.” Little by little, we acclimated to organized scrutiny for deemed worthiness, and increasing levels of security “for our own benefit,” as we advanced.
Transcendental Paranoia was instilled from the beginning. We navigated through detailed interviews and applications for advanced courses, letters of recommendation from Initiators or Governors of the Age of Enlightenment (we were denied copies of our files or applications). We proved our allegiance to the “purity of the teachings.” We carried validated photo identification badges to enter meetings, group meditations, and even for some functions at satellite TM centers around the world. We accepted when the “Capital of the Age of Enlightenment” staff told us that our identity cards were the Capital’s property, not ours, to be relinquished if we left.
If we explored other venues, we were afraid of being identified as unfaithful to Maharishi. Many lied on TM program applications, denying exploration of other spiritual teachers, meditation practices or psychotherapy to assure their continued group acceptance (demonstrating a lack of true help!).
We kept secrets to maintain our “spiritual evolution” and allegiance to the Movement, our beloved and dysfunctional “TM-family.” Fear of the truth was deeply ingrained.
We ignored negative press from outside of the Movement, and blamed our communities’ tragedies upon “unstressing,” “purification,” or individual “bad karma.” We attributed all problems to individual shortcomings, all good was attributed gratefully to TM and Maharishi. “Jai Guru Dev” (Exaltations to Guru Dev). More Secrets.
After leaving the Movement, many do not disclose TM-histories with outsiders, lest we betray loved ones, or become stigmatized from the outside world. Likewise, I remained silent for nearly 20 years, while living a double life.
An innate anxiety often arises when disclosing details of our TM Movement/cult with outsiders. Common themes are: “My TM-based loved ones will reject me. They were well intentioned. They are not bad people. What will I have left if they reject me?”
Revealing our TM background knowledge can provoke anxiety precisely because, in speaking forth, we run counter to deeply ingrained patterns. The famed TM “bubble diagram” of transcending to the source of thought, applies to the depth of our brainwashing when in a trance state. The blend of group belonging, fear of ignorant outsiders, and reverence for our “sacred tradition’ were planted deep in our primal brain. Many fear legal retribution, verbal assaults, and rejection from loved ones if they speak of their TM past.
Fear of group rejection is a protective biological mechanism. A primitive lifestyle requires group effort for human survival. In the wild, tribal rejection equals certain death. That is why we want to maintain our group membership.
For silent former TM-ers, your anxiety is real, psychologically and biologically understandable – but not necessary. We won’t die if we reveal our past to the world. What a liberating thought!
Former TMers may also experience anxiety speaking of their history, wondering how this will influence their integration to a new community, “How will outsiders understand? “They will think I’m insane of they know my history.” “How will this stymie me professionally?” “None can understand how I participated in such ridiculousness.” They won’t understand why I continue to love those who remain in the cult.” Or “They won’t understand why I did not leave sooner.”
From sheer embarrassment, many MIU/ MUM graduates struggle with their alma mater on their professional resume. They try “MI University” or “M International University” or other derivatives. Job interviews may focus upon justifying their education rather than upon employment qualifications, while explaining that Maharishi International University really is an accredited private university (meeting minimum standards of academic literacy). Oftentimes, the desired job is not offered because the interviewer was distracted by the story of Maharishi’s exotic university.
Shakespeare’s wisdom, “To be or not to be, that is the question” is appropriate here. To be true to one self includes choosing whether to speak forth or maintain privacy about a cult past. Speaking forth is a highly personal choice. There is not a right nor wrong.
Cult experts (some are now personal friends), often state, “True recovery requires cutting all ties to the cult.”
I disagree with them on this point, and I tell them so. For those raised in a cult, sharing our history may result in rejection from our loved ones of origin. Then where do we turn?
At the 2006 trial for Warren Jeffs, president of the polygamist cult of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (not TM related), a young teenage bride refused to speak when called to testify in court. She was arrested for contempt of court. This reveals lack of understanding of the great emotional and psychological risk to which the court system placed this young girl, by asking her to publicly describe her confusing family and community. If she spoke of her knowledge, she would have lost all that she knew and had nowhere to turn. Of course she kept the ugly secrets, because her identity, life and loved ones are with the controversial community.
The young woman in Jeffs' trial, above, experienced an acute crises of any cult-raised person's inner conflict. Maintaining connections to family of origin, requires continuing to live with shrouds of secrecy. Speaking truth as a whole person, removing the shrouds, risks rejection from family and community of origin accompanied by possible social or professional stigmas elsewhere. It may be a painful choice.
One friend was raised in a different highly publicized cult outside of North America. She attends graduate school in the USA, is married to an American: they are raising their family. She keeps her history private, even to the instructors in her graduate psychotherapy studies. Media publicity about her cult-family is scathing. She chooses silence to protect her children from social repercussions if her history were public knowledge.
She states, “Even experienced therapists and most psychology professors don’t understand about children raised in cults. Many therapists assume we are psychotic, have split personalities or other severe disorders. There were some terrible situations and tragedies. But many of us survived and are functional after several years of painful personal soul searching. We became well after years of wrenching inner work. Therapists will label us too quickly.”
Through her silence, my friend protects her children from social stigma, and from rejection by cult-grandparents. I had chosen the same until my children were grown.
In coming forth, I sadly accept that loved ones from my TM past will reject me as being “of the dark side.” One dear old TM-friend recently glared at me saying I was “flirting with the enemy.” After my well-circulated letter to the San Rafael School Board, a revered TM leader, with whom I'd had a decades long relationship, told me, "May God have mercy on your soul. Do not contact me ever again." I was prepared for rejection from those of my history. Others might not be willing to risk such loss.
Speaking forth is a highly individual decision. Some choose anonymity; some prefer silence about their TM histories. Coming forth brings rewards at a price.
If you read this and are anxious about speaking, please do not berate yourself. There is deeply ingrained programming against coming forth. It takes awhile to untangle. It is important to have others who will emotionally support your honesty and courage, rather than ostracize you for your honesty.
If you choose to come forth, your voice will become stronger with practice. However, It is equally valid to silently hold your history, memories, and loved ones near and dear to your heart.
Vaya con Dios
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Victims, Veterans, and Victors
Something has niggled at the back of my head from the days when I founded trancenet.org in September 1995. Something that wouldn't quite lay still. But I just couldn't put my finger on it, until the last couple of months.
I'm just not "anti-cult."
Heck, I like John Travolta's movies -- I don't care if he is a Scientologist. Ditto for David Lynch and TM.
I think some of the people I met in the TM movement were some of the finest I've met anywhere. Whether they realize it or not, to the hard-core believer, TM is their religion, their world view. It must hurt like hell to see it torn to shreds. Even worse to be ridiculed in front of the Internet.
I'm not willing to live in fear of taboo-laden groups like Scientology and TM. Nor am I willing to run away from all forms of spirituality. I want to stand for something, not just spend my life obsessing on my "enemy's" shortcomings.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not wimping out. Just thinking out loud.
I found that when a friend asked what I was doing with my career, I would sheepishly mumble, "I'm working with an anti-cult group."
When I caught myself doing this, it was a real danger signal to me.
I thought, "What is it I really want to do here? What do I want to be my life's work? I've been given an extraordinary opportunity. I have to grab hold of this."
What I came up with: I don't care what people believe. The last thing we need is another excuse to persecute unpopular religions or ethnic groups. I'm not interested in hurting people.
If I'm going to do this I want to spread a little joy.
Finally, I just don't think of myself as a victim. I'm tired of people offering me the eyes-downcast type of condolences usually reserved for the bereaved. I feel, in fact, somewhat condescended to.
Here's the deal:
I don't want to be "anti" anything. I want to be pro-freedoms.
And I don't think anybody exiting a "cult" wants to hear that they're victims. Heck, can you see it? One day you believe you're a god, the next everyone is offering you sympathy because you're somehow damaged?
I think that we former cult members, have something extraordinary to offer future generations.
We went through a tremendous mind-f**k -- and we not only survived, we prospered.
We know things about human nature and the mind that those of you who haven't experienced thought reform can not imagine. Things that the "lay" audiences we talk to will never dream of -- and probably couldn't have survived. (Think of how many never get out who were in as deep as we were!)
I fight for the recognition of a new set of freedoms -- psychological and spiritual freedoms. And the survivors we work with simply won't be victims. They'll be veterans -- and even victors.
The psychological freedoms model is too confined by the cult world. The same model encompasses manipulation by therapists, controlling spouses, clergy, governments. It all began with Lifton's, Singer's, and West's work with returning US soldiers brainwashed in Korea, after all.
The public certainly needs a little wake up call. Most people believe battered women should just walk away. That propaganda was something only practiced during WWII. That suckers somehow asked to be duped out of their life savings and their lives.
I expect much more to say on the question of victims vs. veterans in coming days.
I hope you'll lend me your time and attention and together we can sort these thoughts out.
I'm just not "anti-cult."
Heck, I like John Travolta's movies -- I don't care if he is a Scientologist. Ditto for David Lynch and TM.
I think some of the people I met in the TM movement were some of the finest I've met anywhere. Whether they realize it or not, to the hard-core believer, TM is their religion, their world view. It must hurt like hell to see it torn to shreds. Even worse to be ridiculed in front of the Internet.
I'm not willing to live in fear of taboo-laden groups like Scientology and TM. Nor am I willing to run away from all forms of spirituality. I want to stand for something, not just spend my life obsessing on my "enemy's" shortcomings.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not wimping out. Just thinking out loud.
I found that when a friend asked what I was doing with my career, I would sheepishly mumble, "I'm working with an anti-cult group."
When I caught myself doing this, it was a real danger signal to me.
I thought, "What is it I really want to do here? What do I want to be my life's work? I've been given an extraordinary opportunity. I have to grab hold of this."
What I came up with: I don't care what people believe. The last thing we need is another excuse to persecute unpopular religions or ethnic groups. I'm not interested in hurting people.
If I'm going to do this I want to spread a little joy.
Finally, I just don't think of myself as a victim. I'm tired of people offering me the eyes-downcast type of condolences usually reserved for the bereaved. I feel, in fact, somewhat condescended to.
Here's the deal:
I don't want to be "anti" anything. I want to be pro-freedoms.
And I don't think anybody exiting a "cult" wants to hear that they're victims. Heck, can you see it? One day you believe you're a god, the next everyone is offering you sympathy because you're somehow damaged?
I think that we former cult members, have something extraordinary to offer future generations.
We went through a tremendous mind-f**k -- and we not only survived, we prospered.
We know things about human nature and the mind that those of you who haven't experienced thought reform can not imagine. Things that the "lay" audiences we talk to will never dream of -- and probably couldn't have survived. (Think of how many never get out who were in as deep as we were!)
I fight for the recognition of a new set of freedoms -- psychological and spiritual freedoms. And the survivors we work with simply won't be victims. They'll be veterans -- and even victors.
The psychological freedoms model is too confined by the cult world. The same model encompasses manipulation by therapists, controlling spouses, clergy, governments. It all began with Lifton's, Singer's, and West's work with returning US soldiers brainwashed in Korea, after all.
The public certainly needs a little wake up call. Most people believe battered women should just walk away. That propaganda was something only practiced during WWII. That suckers somehow asked to be duped out of their life savings and their lives.
I expect much more to say on the question of victims vs. veterans in coming days.
I hope you'll lend me your time and attention and together we can sort these thoughts out.
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