Leslie's story: "The Truth Pissed Me Off"

This is another unsolicited, contributed story from a former TM meditator, Leslie (not her real name). She points out the habits that TM critics are quite familiar with: pervasive narcissism, isolation, avoidance, and dependence on others to live a life that's supposedly "without stress." Ultimately, for some, living with a long-time meditator, who's living a lifestyle centered on TM and adopting the movement's pervasive belief system - a lifestyle and belief that TM's proponents consistently maintain, does not exist - may be hazardous to your health.

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Stock photo, not the contributor. (Shutterstock)

I learned TM in 1999 after meeting my husband-to-be, who was a long-time meditator and "Siddha." Soon we got married--and I moved from the U.S. to Europe where he lived. We would meditate together every day during the entire length of our marriage--15 years. 

We never joined any of the advanced programs due to the fact that we never had the funds to do so (or I should say, I never joined because he had already taken those advanced programs long before we met). But we started to get very interested in the developments in Fairfield, Iowa and the "Global Country of World Peace." We would have moved to Iowa if we had the funds. In a way, we had been in the "fringe" of the movement, just meditating on our own. My ex-husband did not practice the Siddhi program very often, and when he did, I never saw him do the yogic flying or even hops, only twitches in the body. He never told me any details about this program due to his "secrecy" vows. Through him, I learned about the many fantastic benefits of moving up on the Consciousness ladder, and he often described how "superior" he was in his physical perceptions, his creative power and his ability to read people--attributing those to the TM and Siddhi program, leading me to aspire to one day be able to take the advanced courses and move toward "Cosmic Consciousness."

During the entirety of our marriage, the theme of "living without stress"--one of the promises of TM--was prominent. It was his life goal and he made sure he did his part--he quit his job as soon as I moved in with him, letting me do all the hard work to bring home the bacon. Since then he never held any meaningful jobs for more than a short period of time. After 15 years of this, I was anything but "free from stress." However, "thanks to" the daily meditation, I felt I could go on with this lifestyle because it was helping me de-stress and forget about life's struggles. After all, we lived a life rather isolated from the rest of the world and felt "free" in our own world. But I developed a serious physical illness because of frustrations of not being able to develop a meaningful career for myself due to the need to support his creative career. I also had bouts of depressive episodes, burnout and suicidal ideation. Sometimes I would have outbursts of anger due to this internal frustration, but was gaslighted and my feelings dismissed.

Ashley's story: My experience of my husband's journey into Transcendental Meditation

Stock photo of a generic young couple, not the contributors.
(scop.io)

Here's the second of the personal stories contributed by Tony and Ashley (not their real names), a couple who were challenged by Tony's involvement with the Transcendental Meditation program. This is Ashley's recounting of her experience, in which she explains how she watched her husband both gain some benefits from TM practice, while his behavior and beliefs changed in ways she found uncomfortable and disturbing. She describes in detail how an individual's priorities can radically change over time through TM involvement, beginning with simple twice-a-day TM, to the point of threatening their marriage. All of this occurred despite the frequently repeated claims by TM teachers that TM doesn't involve a change in beliefs or lifestyle. Fortunately, as Tony recalled in the first part, he disengaged from the TM program and they're now working to bring their relationship back to normal.

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My experience of my husband's journey into Transcendental Meditation: 

A few years ago my husband Tony announced that he would like to learn Transcendental Meditation. He'd been looking into various mindfulness apps and still hadn't found what he was looking for. At this time he suffered from crippling social anxiety to the point where it was difficult for us to even have a normal social life, so I agreed that this was worth a try. The cost seemed pretty exorbitant and part of me was skeptical, but if this form of meditation worked the way it said, it would it all be worth it. 

There were a few odd things about the course: Despite being "non-religious" it started with a ritual involving prayer, fruit and a handkerchief but this was no big deal really and he did love what he learned. Despite my doubts, my husband threw himself into this new regime of meditating morning and night for 20 minutes, and indeed it did seem to be working. We could now go to a dinner party or drinks with his colleagues without him becoming agitated and withdrawn on the way there. In this one small way TM had changed both of our lives for the better and it had all been worth it. The daily meditation continued like clockwork. 

My husband started going along to weekly meetings at his local TM center which was only 10 minutes walk from our house. He'd found an exciting new interest and wanted to meet others who practiced TM. He went along to an advanced course which would set us back about an extra US$ 600. I didn't mind the cost but I was quite surprised when he seemed to be back from the course within an hour or so each day. Surely a weekend course costing that much money would be all weekend? 

He continued his meditation through the following months and there were more advanced courses and a few weekend retreats. These were very regimented programs of relaxation which sounded awful from an outsider's point of view but he loved them, so I was keen to be supportive. 

I can't pinpoint at exactly what point in the process my husband began changing his belief system, but I remember some very uncomfortable discussions where he was telling me things that just sounded plain crazy as non-negotiable facts. Some of these facts were: 

• That if he did enough advanced courses he could learn "yogic flying," a basic form of beginner levitation that would eventually lead to him being able to fly.
  
• That a certain number of people doing yogic flying together could stop wars and car accidents in other parts of a country where yogic flying was happening.
  
• That some kind of a forcefield of goodness was created by meditators, especially those practicing yogic flying.
  
• That everyone in the world must do TM in order to live fully to their potential.
  
• That TM was the answer to climate change. 

Tony's story of his journey through, and out of, the TM program

We’ve received here at the TM-Free Blog, a dual submission of personal stories, from Tony, a meditator, and his wife Ashley. Their names have been changed to protect their anonymity. Here's Tony's story, which starts with his search for a meditation practice, and ends, while deciding not to proceed with the TM-Sidhis, also known as the "Yogic Flying" course, with the realization that he'd "been handing over my mind to the TM organization in exchange for 'Enlightenment.'" He also talks frankly about the balance between the benefits of TM that he experienced, and what those benefits might have eventually cost him if he'd continued down the path of deeper involvement with the TM program.

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Photo illustration of a TM lecture, with video.
(Shutterstock/BBC World Service)

I’ve always been interested in the non-physical world, lightly dabbled in various meditations and read various spiritual books over the years. However, in 2016, I decided to make a go of practicing meditation. I wished to find an inner sense of stability in life and not get as stressed internally about upcoming events or past failures. 

The most popular way that didn’t involve a teacher was using the Headspace app to develop a mindfulness meditation practice. I practiced this daily for a few months and indeed found benefits of more control of my reactivity in stressful or pressured situations, such as at work. This was great but I felt like the meditation was a lot of hard work for the mind, struggling to bring it back to focus on something all the time, and I had the feeling there must be a more effortless technique out there. I stumbled upon Transcendental Meditation (TM). I was disappointed in not being able to find much about the technique online - it always said one needs to learn it from a teacher. However, as my luck would have it, I found a TM teacher close by so I signed up for an intro talk. I was a bit confused about why the teacher wouldn’t tell me much about the technique itself, they just went on and on about the benefits. However, I was intrigued and had to find out if it was indeed that beneficial. 

So, a few months later I learned TM from this certified teacher. In my very first meditation (at the instruction session) I experienced a profound settling of my mind - moments of beautiful silence. This seemed encouraging. As it seemed very expensive given the length of the course (about US$ 1000 for 1 hr/day over 4 consecutive days), I was very dedicated to doing the prescribed 20 minutes morning and 20 minutes in the evening every day without fail. Within my first week, my social anxiety dropped to virtually zero. I realized this one day when about to go to a social gathering and the very uncomfortable feeling of wanting to get out of my own skin and run and hide from the world was simply gone. Over the next few months, the enjoyability of my meditations always varied - mostly on the enjoyable side. Once back from our 2 month summer vacation, I made sure to attend the free Thursday evening TM center group meditations with the hope of maximising my progress. 

During these Thursday group sessions, after the 20-minute group meditation, the teacher would show videos of Maharishi (the founder of TM) talking on various subjects. I found listening to Maharishi’s answers rather long-winded, and he didn’t always make total sense to me. Meditation seemed to be enhancing my life by slowly but surely giving me a sense of inner calm. Thus I had developed quite an enthusiasm for promoting it and would find myself recommending it to other people and talking about it whenever the chance arose in conversation. 

Book Review: "CULT" by William Howell

One of the things the TM movement promises is that the practice of TM leads to "enlightenment."  During his lifetime, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi confirmed that a very few people had reached enlightenment through his technique.

One of those people was Robin Carlsen, a TM teacher who, on a TM course in Switzerland in the 1970s, had an overwhelming experience of the divinity, beauty and unity of the creation.  At a subsequent course meeting, he described his experience to Mahesh (MMY).  Mahesh pronounced that Carlsen was "somewhere in the layers of wholeness."  Most course participants attending interpreted Mahesh's words to mean that that Carlsen had reached enlightenment.  (Mahesh never contradicted their belief.)

About a decade later, Carlsen, in the midst of lawsuits and countersuits against the TM organization, agreed to put the lawsuits to rest if Mahesh would unequivocally answer four questions.  The first question was, "Is Robin Carlsen enlightened?"  Mahesh answered "No."

We'll never know what Mahesh meant the first time.  However, after Mahesh's first comment, in Switzerland, Carlsen was generally believed by TMers to be "enlightened."  Carlsen then went on to slowly establish his own courses, techniques, ashram.  Over time, as he became more self-centered, manipulative and sadistic, his organization became spiritually and emotionally destructive and ground down the self-confidence and mental health of his followers.

William Howell, the author of "CULT," has changed most names in this memoir, but not the facts.  The name "Robin Carlsen" is never mentioned.  Instead, the former TM teacher at the center of this story is called "Justin Snow."  But this reviewer (that's me, Laurie) and  others believe that the book is about Robin Carlson.

The book "CULT" by William Howell tells the true story of how Howell, (then a TM teacher) had accompanied "Justin Snow" on his stroll in the Swiss Alps on the day that "Snow" had his divine experience.  Howell goes on to tell of how he followed Snow, lived at his community, followed his teachings, attended his courses, and suffered through years of increasing degradation and emotional stress until he left.  His other friends gradually left too.  They then helped each other, through mutual support, to exit, deprogram and rebuild their lives.  This book is that story of Howell's closing days with TM, his entry into Carlson's destructive cult, and his leaving and healing afterwards.  

I found this book fascinating because I have always wondered what a person would be like when they had reached the goal of "enlightenment" that we TMers were all ardently devoting ourselves to under Maharishi's guidance.  I also found this book helpful in that it detailed the exit and recovery of Howell and his friends.

You can read the book for free online here:

http://www.free-ebooks.net/ebook/CULT-A-Memoir/pdf/view

In the copyright section of the book, William Howell writes:  "This book is copyrighted solely to prevent its being misused.  People sincere about spiritual development, peace and growth of human awareness throughout the world have the author's permission to reproduce material from this book - with citing."

You can also read more about Robin Carlsen on TM-Free blog.  (Note tags/labels related to this post.)

Recovering from Transcendental Meditation, part 2012

For many, recovering from TM takes a lifetime.  So if you're still recovering after many decades, don't lose hope, and don't berate yourself.  It's normal.

I hope that some day there will be better techniques available to help people recover more quickly.  Right now, the best advice is to learn about mind control.  Other things that help are:  conversations with other former members, physical exercise, practicing real-life skills that you lost (or never learned if you were raised in a cult), psychotherapy, residential recovery centers, continued reading about destructive cults.  One exit counsellor suggested writing down every single thing you remember from your time in the destructive cult.

Gina (a co-contributor to this blog - see panel on the right) published a post on this blog, ("Psychotherapy with Former Cult Members" posted September 2, 2011;  http://tmfree.blogspot.com/2011/09/psychotherapy-with-former-cult-members.html), in which she informed the readers of a new Continuing Education Units course for psychotherapists.  I was moved to send the following e-mail to the teacher of this course, as follows:

From:  Laurie ------    

Date:  June 14, 2012 

To:  Patrick O'Reilly  

Subject:  Recovery for former destructive cult members

Dear Dr. O'Reilly:  

I am a friend of Gina Catena's, and like her, I am in recovery from the Transcendental Meditation (TM) organization. 

She showed me your excellent internet article on how therapists can help former cult members by encouraging them to learn about mind control.  I am grateful that you are putting the information about mind control and post-cult syndrome (which can masquerade as other mental health conditions) out there, and are offering a CEU course.

Since the psychological community is still at the beginning stages of learning how to help former destructive cult members, and since you are a leader in educating therapists on how to help cult victims, I hope it will be helpful for you if I share three additional steps that I had to go through in order to help me recover from my cult.

1.  I needed to learn information about my particular group - the specific lies that my particular group taught which kept me a believer.  Even though I already understood mind control, I still was a believer because of the 600 research studies I had been taught about, which proported to prove how marvelous TM was for every aspect of every person's life.  I had to read anti-TM websites to discover that TM experiments were usually biasedly designed and/or biasedly conducted in order to produce only positive results.  Also, I learned that some research had shown that TM sometimes produces unimpressive or harmful results, but that the TM organization had kept that information from us.

2.  I needed to talk to other former TMers who had been at my level of involvement in TM.  Even though I had spent over 20 years telling my TM experiences to sympathetic friends, therapists, and former TMers who had been at lower levels of TM involvement than I, TM memories continued to flood my mind.  However, when I finally found peers, and told them my memories, the memories finally stopped.  

3.  I have been in psychotherapy for many years.  By working on family-of-origin issues, TM has less and less hold over me.  

If these additional steps were necessary for me, then I assume there must be others out there who also need more than just education about mind control in order to recover from their destructive cult.

I hope this information is helpful to you.  Please feel free to contact me if I can be of assistance to you.

Please keep up the good work!  Thank you for what you are doing! 

Sincerely,

Laurie --------" 

I have been out of TM for 31 years, and I am still recovering.  As Sudarsha, a co-moderator for this site, has said, "You have to claw yourself out of the TM mindset, ('Maheshism') inch by inch."  For instance, it was only last month that I realized that part of the reason I eat a lot of nuts on my morning cereal is because Mahesh said that nuts were very good for you.

A problem I still have 31 years after leaving TM is my difficulty in learning new skills from books.  Before I got into TM, I had taught myself guitar, typing, shorthand and crocheting from books. But since leaving TM, I find it excruciatingly hard to learn new things from books, , like how to use a  computer or follow a recipe.  I think this is because when I try to learn something new, it activates the feelings I had when I was learning to "fly:"  "If you're don't 'fly' twice a day, you're wasting your life."

What stratagems have been helpful in your recovery from TM-brain?  In what areas are you still recovering?

Lies My Guru Told Me

An oldie but a goodie
                                     

Lies My Guru Told Me

(For my own good, of course)

By Michael D. Coleman, Ph. D.

One of the wonderful things about email on the Internet is the "democratization" of knowledge. We can compare notes with others around the world easily and quickly. No authoritarian structure can block it. Dictatorial structures hate free dialogue.

Recently I have been "listening in" to an on-going dialogue among three friends who have been sharing stories of their time with Maharishi. This made me realize that even 25 years after leaving the TM Movement, I have not come clean with myself and with others about the lies Maharishi encouraged me to believe and required me to tell others.

This is an open letter to anyone within the TM movement who is beginning to feel that they must be "crazy" because of the dissonance between what they are aspiring to and what the TM movement actually seems to be doing. It is also for everyone who has left the TM movement to validate your
sanity.

Let's begin with a short catalogue of lies with a brief commentary on each. I will give a deeper treatment of several. There are too many lies, with new lies coming out each year, to comment on them all.

Guest Post: "A Teenager Joins the Cult"

The first post of a new series by "Former Future Enlightened Leader," whose earlier contribution was a response to the recent Oprah Winfrey program featuring Fairfield and the Maharishi School.

A Teenager Joins the Cult

Part 1

My mom and step-dad learned TM when I was 12ish.  It was after my mom had gone to the loony bin.  She was in the nice part for people with eating disorders and depression not the padded walls part but try explaining that to the kids at school.

All my stepbrothers and I knew about mediation was that after work my step dad would sit in his recliner for a while quietly before turning the TV on and mom would go to her room.

If we got too loud playing baseball in the front yard my mom would scream out the window to be quiet because she was meditating.  Adding to her fame in the neighborhood.

My mom didn’t scream at us as much any more so meditating seemed like it wasn’t such a bad idea.  The strangest thing about it in the beginning was that my step dad actually did it.  Instead of going square dancing or playing cards with friends they would go to the TM Center. My stepfather was a simple man.  He was a shop foreman who could draw anything, made pancakes in animal shapes and built his own house.  He didn’t read Leo Buscaglia books and go to group therapy like my mom.  Meditation just didn’t seem like the kind of hobby they would share.

It was spring when they split up.  They had argued often, less after they had learned to meditate, so none of us saw it coming.  I was crouched down in the long grass of our front yard.  I had just cut through the neighbor’s yard on my way home so I didn’t know what started the fight.

My stepfather was in the driveway next to our golden-rod boat of a car; he’s yelling at my mother, who I can’t see yet with one bony finger in the air, his lean muscles flexed under his plaid flannel shirt.  My stepbrothers are in the car, deep in the back seat, waiting.  It’s hunting season, bows not guns, the car is packed for the trip and my mom comes in to view.  Here cheeks are red, her nose even redder.

I'm really sorry that I lied to you.

A trip down memory lane. Admitting a mistake and making amends. Pondering the power of mind control. Healing. Clearing your conscience. Whatever you call it....Here is an opportunity to share those inexplicable moments when you or someone you cared about experienced a split in consciousness, a moment of cognitive dissonance, the creepy power of doublethink, programmed dissociation. I have spoken with former TM teachers, and we are really sorry , and ashamed, that we lied to you.

I'll start the ball rolling by sharing some of the lies I and other former TM Teachers (initiators) regret having said while we were under the influence of TM.

Initiator #1: "I was giving an introductory lecture. I emphasized the physiological, psychological and social benefits, and the scientific research, as I had been trained to do. During the question and answer period, someone asked if this technique had a spiritual aspect. I answered, "No. Absolutely not. There is nothing spiritual about this technique. It is absolutely practical, to be more effective in the world."

Commentary: What the heck was I thinking? I was lying. After all, on the third day following initiation, the topic was how TM leads to cosmic consciousness. Mr. Mahesh had a phrase,"TM unfolds 200% of life - 100% material and 100% spiritual." So why the heck did I say that? I guess because on my TM Teacher Training Course (TTC) we had been taught to swear that TM was not a religion, did not interfere with anybody's religion, did not conflict with anybody's religion. That we should emphasize the practical benefits of TM and not turn people off by mentioning cosmic consciousness, God consciousness or unity consciousness. Mr. Mahesh tutored us, "In the scientific age, we speak in the language of science." I'm really sorry that I lied to you.

Initiator #2: "I was co-teaching a TM course with another initiator. During the first day following initiation, a student asked about the exact pronunciation of his mantra. My fellow initiator said that it didn't matter, you shouldn't think about it, it wasn't even an English word; it was a Sanskrit word. My mother, who had been initiated a few months earlier, called me on his comment. 'What do you mean, it's a Sanskrit word? We were told it was a meaningless sound.' I thought very fast, trying to find some wording that covered the behind of my fellow teacher, and said, 'Well, it comes from the same tradition as Sanskrit words.' "

Commentary: What the heck was I thinking? I was lying. Why? Because I had already intuited that there was something dishonest in TM about the mantras. I had not exactly been taught that the mantras were Sanskrit words, but I had not exactly been taught that they weren't, either. (Mahesh definitely had not taught us that they were the "seed form" of Hindu gods). However, my fellow initiator made his comment in his official capacity, in public, to a bunch of new, impressionable TMers. So I wasn't about to blow TM's reputation by admitting that my fellow initiator didn't know what he was talking about, or that we didn't actually learn precise information on TTC - no! The impression we initiators were working so hard to create was that we were so thoroughly, rigorously trained that we didn't contradict each other or make errors about TM. I'm really sorry that I lied to you.

Initiataor #3: "On my TTC, they drilled it into us that TM was the solution to all problems in all fields of life. TM research was especially impressive on health benefits. I remember that they said, 'If someone has a heart condition, encourage them to start TM right away. Because you never know when a person might have a heart attack, and TM is so helpful for the heart.' But on one of the very last days of TTC, they mentioned very quickly in passing that TM might worsen an epileptic condition. Fast forward to several months later. I have given the introductory and preparatory TM lectures. Now I sit in private with a soon-to-be-initiate, reviewing her personal interview form. And there, under 'physical problems,' they've written 'epilepsy.' What can I possibly say? 'Oh, ignore everything I've said at both lectures. The research is biased. Protect your health. Don't learn this meditation. It can be deleterious to you.' Can I say that? Of course not. So I said what Mahesh had taught us to say, 'Oh, good, TM will be helpful with this, too.' I'm really sorry that I lied to you."

Commentary: The whole reason for the introductory lectures is to convince more people to start TM. The charts, graphs, scientific research, all are to raise the hopes of the audience that TM will give them marvelous gifts. Mahesh has even instituted a "World Plan," promising that TM will solve all the physical, emotional, social, law enforcement, economic, educational, governmental and spiritual aspirations of humanity....Except if you have epilepsy? Then TM might make you sicker? No, our job was to say whatever we could at the intro lectures to successfully recruit. Even if that meant lying. Even if we had to present fraudulent research. We had unknowingly been conscripted as missionaries to spread TM. So what can you say to this hopeful recruit? So I swallowed my saliva, and my integrity, and said, "Oh, you have epilepsy - well TM should help with that too." That happened decades ago. I don't remember your name, or if you are still alive. But I remember that shameful moment, and I pray that I didn't injure you with that initiation. I apologize, and I hope some day you will forgive me. I am really, really sorry that I lied to you.

Well, now it's your turn. Do you have any stories you want to tell about lies you or your friends told while you were under the thrall of Maharishi?

Transcendental Meditation: What got you in? And what got you out? Part 1

I've been thinking back over my long strange journey through TM. How did I get so deeply embroiled? How did I get out? Maybe you've been musing over your own life too, or that of those you love who are still embroiled in TM. Here's my chronology. I hope reading it will help some TM-Free readers sort out their own experience.

- I was looking for a better life.
- I read "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahansa Yogananda. At the tender age of 16, I did not realize that autobiographies were not automatically truthful. The book excited me with the hope that Hinduism's yoga had something special to offer. I tried out Yogananda's teachings, but they did not satisfy me.
- I attended lectures of Swami Satchitananda, who fulfilled my expectations of what a yogi saint should be like. But I did not start his yoga because it seemed like a commitment to a lifestyle change and a difficult practice.
- I had friends who started TM and told me in awed tones what wonderful results it brought, and that it was very easy.
- I attended TM introductory lectures and was impressed by the scientific research, logic of the theory, and serenity of the initiators.
- I was impressed by my initiator's holy glow during the initiation ceremony. When I said my mantra, I felt it reverberate in my mouth and around the room in a mystical way. When I thought the mantra silently for the first time, I was transported to a magical place of inner peace and bliss. I felt euphoric, stoned, for the first three days that I did TM, and I noticed positive changes in myself in those first three days, too. All these things led me to believe that TM was a profound, life-changing spiritual technique.
- The initiators promised that by doing TM twice daily, the positive changes would continue to accumulate. Indeed, for the first few months that I did TM, I did notice small improvements in myself.
- I ran into some TMers who were gung-ho on TM as a method not only for self-improvement, but as the solution for all of life's problems. They encouraged me to attend a long TM course.
- I attended the course and rounded for one month. Maharishi was there in person and lectured several times a day. Also, a few prominent Western guest speakers - scientists, psychologists, astronauts, philosophers, educators, etc. - hailed the virtues of TM. Maharishi promised that TM would solve all problems of society. My brain was in a vulnerable, receptive state from all that sensory deprivation during rounding and from hearing only TM-positive opinions for one month. There was no questioning or challenging. As computer geeks say, "Garbage in, garbage out." It was so easy to be lulled into a dreamy, hopeful state of belief. I experienced Maharishi as giving off saintly emanations. He was charismatic, knowledgeable , charming, flattering, and convincing - and begged us to become TM initiators. It was so easy to fall, as the path of least resistance, into his belief system.
- I left the course a true believer, determined to become an initiator. It never occurred to me to research the opinions of TM skeptics.
- Originally, I believed what Maharishi taught because science and logic supported his system (or so I had been led to believe.) But gradually, unconsciously, I made the transition from "Maharishi says it because it's true" to "If Maharishi says it, then it's true." All my TM activities that followed hereafter just strengthened the belief system that I had now internalized. Residence courses, checker training, advanced lectures, TM teacher training, initiating, working at TM residential centers, learning the TM-Sidhi program, attending long rounding courses for world peace - no matter what Maharishi's latest invention or discovery or program was, Maharishi had to be right, and to question would be disloyal and foolishness.

How about you? Does any of this resonate for you? What got you in?

Coming next: Part 2: And what got you out?

Book Review. "Cartwheels in a Sari: A Memoir of Growing Up Cult" by Jayanti Tamm (2009).

Several exit counselors have explained to me that it can aid a person in recovery from a destructive cult to learn about a different cult. That's because it's hard to judge one's own experience objectively, but when one sees manipulation and inconsistencies in another group, it's easier to make the leap to understanding better one's own former group.

Therefore I thought it might be useful to some readers if I reviewed the book "Cartwheels in a Sari." This is the true story of growing up in the Sri Chinmoy movement. The author has a straightforward style. She doesn't beat the reader over the head with Chinmoy's reprehensible behavior. Instead, she tells the story through the innocent, non-critical eyes of the child she was - and damns Chinmoy in the telling.

Jayanti Tamm was born into Chinmoy's group. As a child, she naturally believed everything she was told about about "Guru": that he was godlike, that he gave everything to his devotees; and that in return they should totally believe, be totally devoted, and be totally obedient.

An early memory of Tamm's: the devotees are sitting on the ground before "Guru," who is sitting on an awning-covered platform. All are prepared for a long meditation session. Then, far off, lightning flashes and thunder roars. "Guru" announces that he will perform a special meditation to stop the rain. He closes his eyes, and sure enough, the rain holds off for 10 minutes. Jayanti is thrilled. Her guru can even control the weather! But then the rain starts. "Guru" then reveals that some disciples had doubted his ability, therefore he held off the rain only for a limited time! Now he would teach them a "true lesson." And so the devotees sat contritely in the mud and rain for hours, meditating.

Cult recovery scholars call this technique "mystical manipulation," that is, making an everyday event seem miraculous, and ascribing it to the cult. In TM, an example of mystical manipulation was Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's contention that when a TMer experienced involuntary jerking movements, stress was being released and the TMer was purifying his/her nervous system. Another was ascribing improvements in the stock market to people "flying" together. Another was, during the construction of the Fairfield domes, we were told that the winter weather miraculously turned warm on the days we had to pour cement. Actually, the crew supervisors listened for the weather reports, and when the weather was warm, then they poured. Can you think of other examples?

Like the founder of TM, Sri Chinmoy (born "Chinmoy Kumar Ghose," 1931-2007) bent the truth for the sake of publicity. For instance, Chinmoy instructed several of his devotees to seek employment at the United Nations. Once hired (in clerical positions), they started a lunchtime social club, and invited "Guru" to speak. Chinmoy's goal was realized: his publicity could now state that he was a speaker at the U.N.

Similar TM organization technique: give honorary Maharishi University Ph.D.s to supporters of TM, and then have these "doctors" extol TM. Can you think of other examples?

Reflections on Recent Transcendental Meditation Publicity

The Maharishi University of Management Development Office sent out an email on June 12, 2011, inviting TMers to come to Fairfield and Maharishi Vedic City (SM) for this summer's TM course. Amongst the enticements noted, such as international restaurants, the Raj Ayurvedic Health Spa, hiking paths, etc., was a quotation from a participant of a previous course. The complete quote is as follows:

"Each morning I emerge from the Dome I feel as if I am emerging with an entirely new physiology. I feel as if every cell in my body is clean, or more accurately, brand new. I experience a deep purity in my whole being, a crystal clarity, and the world and everything in it appears totally refurbished.

But it is not just my physiology that feels as if it has undergone a deep, deep cleaning; my psychology also feels that way. I am filled with a kind of sparkling happiness that I feel must be pouring from me and infecting everything and everyone around me.

It's as if my whole being gets saturated with this new, refined, glorified, indescribable level of my own awareness - as if this level is becoming increasingly structured in the very fabric of my whole body, my whole psychology, my entire Being day after day.

- An Invincible America Assembly participant"

This quote captured my attention. When I read it the first time, my TM-trained brain kicked in, and I thought, "What a wonderful experience! Clearly indicative of spiritual growth!" But when I thought it over, I realized what a telling quote it was, how it encapsulated some of the
tragedy and weaknesses of the TM movement.

So, switching from the part of my brain that experiences warm fuzzy emotions to the rational part of my brain, I started to critique the quote logically.

First, let's look at the language used. It's evocative, but when you read it with a critical mind, does it actually give information? What does "a deep purity in my whole being" mean? Is there usually a "dirtiness" in this TMer's whole being? What is "deep purity" as opposed to "purity"? What is "whole being"?

What is "crystal clarity"? Is it a physical state, a mental state, or what? How does it differ from "a clarity"? What is crystalline about it?

The TMer is filled with "sparkling happiness." What does this mean? How does it differ from "happiness?" How can happiness, which is an emotion, "infect...everything," meaning physical things?

Then, I decided to analyze three of the experiences the TMer reports:
(1) Every cell in the TMer's body feels brand new.
(2) It feels like the TMer's happiness is infecting everyone and everything around.
(3) It feels as if this glorified experience is becoming increasingly structured into the TMer's entire being.

Regarding the first experience, I think even the TM organization would concede that every single cell in the TMer's body isn't actually brand new each time s/he emerges from the Dome. It just feels that way. In other words, the TMer is feeling something that isn't true. In other words, the TMer is experiencing a delusion. The TMer is delusional.

Regarding the second experience, the TMer feels as if his/her happiness is infecting everyone around. But is this subjective experience objectively true? For instance, has the TMer asked everyone around (or even anyone around), "Do you feel infected with my happiness?" The TMer doesn't say. So we have no evidence that this perception is real. Therefore this is possibly a delusional experience. The TM publicists thought it was a worthwhile quote to print.

Regarding the third experience, wherein the TMer states that it feels as if her/his whole being is becoming increasingly structured at this level. This is, in effect, a comment made during the course in which the TMer predicts what will be the results after the course. There is no followup to determine that the prediction was accurate.

In summary, most of this quotation is pitifully unimpressive. And yet it was chosen by TM publicists to encourage TMers to attend the course. Why? Is the thinking of the PR people so impaired that they think this is a meaningful quote? Or are they taking advantage of what they perceive to be TMers' irrationality?

Since the MUM Development Office has presented one cherry-picked anonymous quote as convincing evidence of the value of the TM techniques, I thought it would be fair if I too offered some anonymous quotes of my own, as to some outcomes of TM programs:

1) "There was a higher percentage of suicides in Fairfield than in comparably-sized towns." - Former Sidha

2) "As people got off the plane in the U.S. after their TM Teacher Training course, I signed some of them into mental hospital." - Physician

3) "As a result of extensive meditating, my relative developed adult-onset Tourette's Syndrome." - Former TM teacher

4) "When I got back home, I walked around in a state of terror, because I had been taught that anywhere outside of Fairfield was polluted and cursed." - Former TM Governor

Unhooking From Maharishi's Teachings: Laurie Interviews Sudarsha about the Puja (Ceremony)

I (Laurie) left TM 30 years ago, after 10 years in the TM movement, and I have been "deprogramming" myself ever since. I now believe that everything I was taught on the TM Teacher Training Course while I was "rounding" (meditating many times a day) bypassed my critical thinking, and went straight into my belief system. Therefore, even today I am still finding unexamined beliefs inside myself that hook me into Mahesh Prasad Varma's system. (According to Wikipedia, "Mahesh Prasad Varma" may be Maharishi's given name.)

One of those beliefs was that the puja had magical powers. Mr. Varma told us that the word "puja" translates as "traditional ceremony of gratitude," but most other translators say it means "worship". On my TM Teacher Training Course in La Antilla, Spain, in 1974, Mr. Varma taught us that the puja must be performed before the person is instructed in TM. Without it, he said, TM cannot be successfully learned or practiced. He gave quasi-scientific and quasi-mystical reasons why this was so; and I was left with fear and trembling for the sacred, God-given puja.

Therefore, it was helpful to my recovery to learn that after his disillusionment with Mr. Varma's movement, Sudarsha, (one of the co-editors of TM-Free), successfully instructed many people in TM without first chanting the puja. I thought it might be helpful to other readers recovery too, to read about this, so I decided to interview Sudarsha. Here goes:

Laurie: How did you first hear of TM?

Sudarsha: I remember it like it was yesterday! It was in May of 1968. I had just finished another miserable day teaching high school English, and I decided to go for a walk rather than immediately take the bus home. I wandered into a drugstore, and there on a book rack was this childishly cuddly guy draped in white on the cover of a book. For some reason, I was fascinated and I bought it.

That night, I started to read it. He had written, "To be is to live." Those words struck me like lightening. I sat up straight and confirmed to myself, "This is it! This is what I've been searching for!" Sadly, the book didn't actually teach me anything. It just theorized and theorized. The title? "The Science of Being and Art of Living" by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. I felt hooked. Now I believe that I was more hooked by to have that final secret of how to do it than anything else. I wanted to learn to do this. Cleverly, Mahesh could rope us in by coming so close to telling us the secret, but just stopping short.

A week or so later, I found and bought an LP (a vinyl record - remember those?) of Mahesh giving a talk. His voice sounded so captivating. There was an address and phone number on the record sleeve. I phoned and made an appointment to learn TM.

L: What results did you get from TM?

S: Same results as everyone else: in the beginning TM felt good. I felt a sense of relief. As I think back on it now, I realize that "relief" is quite different from the "pure consciousness" or "source of thought" that Mahesh was promising, but I mistook the relief for what he was promising. Ultimately, I think it all comes back to "me": my understanding, my misunderstanding, my expectations, my desires, my greeds. But being a schoolteacher was stressful, and I was stressed. TM was a contrast to that, so it felt good.

L: What made you decide to become an initiator?

S: TM was easy to do and it felt good. It was only many years later that I began to believe that it operated on the basis of contrast and little more. Back then, though, I thought that this was good, worthwhile, valuable, a lot more satisfying than what I was currently doing. And, into the bargain, a lot more valuable to others. So I went to Estes Park, Colorado, USA, in 1970 and took the TM Teacher Training Course.

L: What was your understanding at that time of the reason for doing the puja?

S: That's complicated. It was what we were supposed to do; it was what Mahesh taught us; it somehow empowered us to "give" the mantra - he said it allowed us to pick up the mantra at the finest level. It was special, maybe even sacred.

But when I was finally given that piece of paper with the mantras written on it, and saw that they were selected not by some deep psycho-spiritual-physiological reasoning, but just by age and gender - well! There was a conflict! Something wasn't making sense, and it was very difficult to think about that, when I really wanted to teach TM because I thought it was really a good thing.

L: From today's vantage point, what do you think the puja is really about, or what is its purpose?

S: The puja was a nice touch. I suppose it was Mahesh's way of trying to flaunt his so-called tremendous devotion to Guru Dev. We know from what Paul Mason has written on his website about Guru Dev that some pundit wrote the puja for Guru Dev, and Guru Dev didn't like it. He said to tie it to a stone and throw it into the Ganges. Which the pundit did. Mahesh said, and I don't remember where, that he dove in and rescued it.

Some of the earliest initiators to be trained in India by Mahesh learned an ending which Mahesh later changed, probably in the early 1960's. Also, when I learned the puja, in 1968, there were only three parts to it: the Sanskrit words, the English translation and the movements we made with our hands, etc.

L: By 1974, when I learned it on my TM Teacher Training Course, there was also a fourth part, called "puja feeling." Mr. Varma said all four parts were essential for the puja to "work." So this whole business of "the purity of the teaching" and "doing the puja to preserve the purity of the teaching" is suspect.

S: I think now that what the puja actually does is simply what all ceremonies do: it draws attention away from everything else. Look how the Roman Catholic Church used the Mass to manipulate people all through the Middle Ages. In teaching TM, the puja is very useful because it is so strange - at least to Westerners - at least it was strange when TM hit the West in the 1960's. People being instructed get completely disoriented. They can't figure out what is going on. This is useful, because when the teacher says a mantra and asks the person to start repeating it, the person does so in a completely non-judgmental state. I believe this is one of the reasons why the first TM experience is so spectacular. It's a real contrast to how you were feeling an hour ago when you were walking to the TM Center.

L: How many people did you initiate using the puja?

S: Something near 800.

L: What experience did those students have with TM?

S: They had the prescribed experience, much like my own initial experience: it felt good, they experienced deep rest. I wonder now if what they experienced wasn't deep rest, but a contrast from their normal way of feeling, which they mistook for "deep rest," because that's what the TM teachers told them they would experience.

L: What led you to consider teaching TM without the puja?

S: That's a really tough question, Laurie, because I don't really remember all the details. I do remember being dissatisfied with what Mahesh had done with TM: adding the Science of Creative Intelligence, Six-Month Courses, Age of Enlightenment techniques, sidhi nonsense. It was obvious to me that the steps of initiation were the only thing that was useful, to lead an individual into a very quiet state so that thinking the mantra would be easy.

After I quit teaching at the TM Center, some friends showed an interest in TM. So I said, "OK, let's just sit quietly and I'll teach you how to do it," and very off-handedly did the steps of initiation starting with the "open the eyes; close the eyes" business from the checking notes. The results were the same. People were happy with the results. Another one of Mahesh's dogmatic superstitions bit the dust.

L: How many people did you instruct without the puja?

S: Maybe 25 or 30. I don't really remember. Those were very traumatic days. I was feeling very sad that I had wasted three months learning to teach TM when anyone could learn how to teach it in a weekend. All the hubbub of rounding for three months had just been brainwashing - or whatever the correct word for that is these days.

L: Were you nervous or guilty or scared about teaching TM without the puja? I know I would have been.

S: No. I hadn't bought into the superstitions of Maheshism. If nothing else, those two years when I was on TM's international staff intimately working side by side with Mahesh demonstrated to me, beyond any doubt, that Mahesh was making it up as he went along. There was no evidence at all that he was any kind of superhuman. Granted, he was very intelligent and quick-witted, and had a remarkably retentive memory. But so do lots of "normal" human beings. What Mahesh had that other people didn't have was the aura of specialness. That is to say, our attribution of mystical specialness to him . He let us believe that he had all sorts of knowledge and "blessings" from Guru Dev. Mahesh was also extraordinarily clever, and used his cleverness to manipulate others. He had a very amoral approach to what he did: if it benefitted his agenda, it was OK.

So, since I came to the conclusion that Mahesh was very human indeed - from direct contact with him - no, I had no nervousness, guilt or fear at all about dropping the puja. And as it turned out, dropping the puja had no effect on the learning or the practice of TM.

L: How did you choose the mantra for the non-puja initiates?

S: Same as I was taught. For some reason, back then it never occurred to me to experiment with mantras. How curious, because Mahesh himself had said that "any word would do," but back then, I only knew the mantras he taught me at Estes Park. I was still unable to think outside the box in this regard.

L: What results did the non-puja students have?

S: Same as all the people I taught the "orthodox" way.

L: Did they keep up with meditating? Did you "check" their meditations?

S: They all got checked, non-puja students and puja students alike. Both groups had the same outcomes: some continued , some said they thought it was silly, some said they didn't have time, some said it quit working....

L: Did you tell them what the mantras really meant?

S: Back then I didn't know what they meant. I found that out later.

L: Thanks so much, Sudarsha, for letting me interview you.

S: It was my pleasure, sort of. This is stuff people have a right to know. Mahesh was using his cleverness, his powers of persuasion, his amoral manipulation of others, without regard to their safety, well-being, or any other aspect of their lives. He simply used people for his own ends, something which is never taught or done by legitimate teachers.

I wonder if my answers are typical. I would find it really interesting - perhaps we could do a survey - to see how many other initiators discovered that the whole puja thing was just part of the phobia-induction that Mahesh used to make our minds like his.

Transcendental Meditation's Testimonials

"I lost 150 pounds in 4 weeks!" (RESULTS NOT TYPICAL.)

When I look at pro-Transcendental Meditation websites, I often find testimonials of people pleased with the results of TM. Some of these testimonials are deeply moving, even heart-wrenching.

Scientists call testimonials "anecdotal evidence," and it is poor science. That's because while a testimony is suggestive of what may be worth studying, it is far from proof. Testimonials do not take into account that for every one person with a positive experience, there may be many with a neutral or even negative experience. They do not take into account the long-term effects of the product. They do not take into account the subjectivity of the testifier. (Note, for example, the paper about TM commonly called the "German Study," which observes that some TMers extolled the efficacy of TM while ignoring their increased anxiety and depression.) There are many reasons why anecdotal evidence is a poor scientific tool.

But for those of us who were deeply involved in the TM movement, positive opinions about TM may have been the only opinions we heard. After living on a TM course for 1.5 years and hearing only positive testimonials, I came to believe that everyone who learned TM had positive results. And for non-TMers who are looking for ways to improve their lives, these testimonials may seem quite convincing.

"I was always afraid. Now I am peaceful inside - and
I am getting A's." - Student

"For years I was tortured by my memories. Now I have a way out of the darkness." - Former soldier

"I am winning my battle with demons of drugs. Thank
you for this, David Lynch." - Homeless person

(from the davidlynchfoundation.org website.)

I am sorry for these people's suffering, and I am glad they found some relief through TM. But are these results universal? Are they typical? Are they even frequent? Can other modalities accomplish the same or better results more effectively or less expensively?

So to help recovering TMers who may have been mind-controlled into believing that TM is the answer for everybody, and to help non-TMers who are trying to decide if they want to learn TM, here is my own compilation of TM testimonials. And I didn't even solicit or pick over testimonies to find critical ones. They are just quotes or paraphrases from random acquaintances whom I have met over the years:

"When I learned TM, it didn't seem like anything special. There were other types of meditations I had learned that, from the first time I did them, I knew they were a practice I wanted to continue for a long time. I didn't feel that way about TM." - Social worker, 2008.

"When I first learned TM, I thought it was great and wanted to become a TM teacher. Except I felt the organization was too cult-like. Years later I learned to relax using biofeedback, and I couldn't believe the experience. I had never had such deep profound relaxation in my life." - Psychotherapist, 2010

"I was one of those people TM didn't work for." - Lawyer, 2008

"The first three days of TM was fabulous. It got me higher than the recreational drugs I used. But after a few days the high wore off, so I stopped meditating." - College student, 1972

"What results have I gotten from TM? Well, I used to take a nap when I got home from work every day. Now after work I do TM instead of taking a nap. No, no other benefits." - Elementary school teacher, 1974

"When I first started TM, I stopped taking drugs and drinking. But after a few years, I went back to the drugs and alcohol. Years later, I learned a different type of meditation. That got me off substances permanently. Also, TM left me feeling spacey, but the new meditation left me feeling grounded." - Retired secretary, 2008

"I started TM because I was a compulsive gambler and was desperate to stop. I saw the research charts on TMers stopping alcohol, drugs and cigarettes, so I thought maybe it could help me. Four months in, and I'm sorry to report it has done me no good." - Engineer, 1974

Now it's your turn. Would you like to share your TM results, or the results of people you know? Or your experiences with being mislead by TM publicity? Or anything else?

Transcendental Meditation's "Advanced Techniques"

(Note: For those who are sensitive to such things, please be advised that this article includes TM mantras and explicit instructions on how to do an advanced technique.)
________________________

One of our readers, who has requested anonymity, has sent the editors of TM-Free a copy of their local TM center's latest newsletter. The newsletter announced that TM "Advanced Techniques" would be taught soon at the center.

This news brought back memories of my own instruction in my one and only TM advanced technique back around 1978. As I read the newsletter, I was struck by how much has changed since then.

In 1978, I believe the rule was that at least 2 years had to elapse between each technique. Today, it is recommended that 2 months elapse! Back then, instruction took about half an hour the first day, and if there was a second day (which I can't recall for certain), that took about 10 minutes. Today, instruction takes 2 hours the first day and 2 hours the second day. In 1978, the cost of the Advanced Technique was $200. Today it is $1,500. Back then, my teacher was called a "teacher of advanced techniques." Today they are called "Vedic Experts." My teacher was an American. Today, the teachers "come from India, the home of this profound knowledge." Why? To me, the wording implied that there is some benefit or necessity in having an Indian teach it.

Back in 1978, to learn my first advanced technique, I brought my fruit, flowers, handkerchief and $200 to the TM center. I then met my teacher, Lillian Rosen. She wore a blouse and a skirt down to her ankles, which I remember thinking was strange, since when I became a TM teacher, they had told us to dress in business clothes. If I remember correctly, she performed the Indian puja ceremony, and then asked me what my mantra was. I replied, "Ayim." She sighed, as if in exasperation, and then said, "Your new mantra is 'aingnama.' " I then practiced TM with this new mantra. She sent me home, and I believe I came back the next day to check the pronunciation of my new mantra. I wonder what is included nowadays in the four hours of instruction.

The newsletter also stated that a person would have to learn the three advanced techniques before being eligible to learn the TM-Sidhis program. My memory is fuzzy after all these years, but I believe that in my day, one had to have practiced TM for two years, plus maybe attend two weekend residence courses to be eligible. I wonder why the change. Since I learned TM for $35, and weekend residence courses cost $150, preparation for the TM-Sidhis program would have come to $335. Nowadays, with TM instruction at $1,500, plus 4 advanced techniques at $1,500 each, the cost of preparation to learn the TM-Sidhis comes to $7,500.

Also, in my day the first advanced technique was the one I describe above. Nowadays, apparently the first technique given is a technique done in bed before one falls asleep. I wonder why they made the change.

I also found the information in the newsletter questionable. For instance, they state that, "...Through the regular practice of the Transcendental Meditation technique, the mind becomes familiar with the experience of 'pure consciousness' - the simplest, least excited state of consciousness...." First of all, did you become familiar with the experience of pure consciousness through the regular practice of TM? I didn't. I think I experienced something like that about once a year, maximum. What was your experience with experiencing "PC"?

Secondly, on my TM Teacher Training Course, one of our instructors broke the news to us that a TM meditator doesn't experience the state of pure consciousness until the last stress is gone. What we experience before that is "purer" consciousness, a "less" excited state of consciousness - that is, if our instructor was telling us the truth.

The newsletter quoted some satisfied customers of the advanced techniques. I would like to critique the two strangest testimonials.

1. "I feel a greater sense of wholeness, a sense of being in tune with the cosmos. I have the impression that all of my environment and my school are inside my consciousness, that everything is in me." - Yves Bourque, School principal

Critique: He feels a greater sense of being in tune with the cosmos. But is he actually more in tune with the cosmos, or does he just feel that he is? And what does that mean, to be in tune with the cosmos? He also has the impression that everything is within himself. But since his school etc. are not actually inside himself, is this a benefit, or a sign of delusion?

2. "My meditation is very deep, yet very lively. I feel relaxed, yet my mind is fully awake. I feel waves of warmth and contentment. This is a very wonderful experience!" - Louise DeKreon, University of Alaska adjunct lecturer

Critique: This is subjectively a very wonderful experience. OK if you want to spend $1,500 for a very wonderful experience. A mug of hot chocolate will also give you waves of warmth and contentment for $3.00.

By the way, the first quote is by one Yves Bourque. As you may know, Judith Bourque recently published a book called "Robes of Silk, Feet of Clay" regarding her love affair with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Is this a coincidence that the TMO chose this quote by a "Bourque?"

Of course, testimonials are not a particularly useful way to gauge a product. They leave many unanswered questions, such as, "What percentage of the students had positive, neutral or negative results?" and "What were the long-term effects of the advanced technique?" But since the TMO has seen fit to include testimonials in their publications, I thought it would be informative to include some testimonials of our own. So I will start with mine:

"When I learned the advanced technique, I felt high and mellow for 2 or 3 days. After that I felt nothing special." - Laurie, Editor for TM-Free Blog.

Now it's your turn! If you'd like, please write a testimonial of the results of your advanced technique in the comments section below. And share anything else that you like!

Personal Story: Bill Marles, "Spiritual Abuse"

It was 1972. I was 23 years of age, good looking and boyish in those days.

I had just been on a Transcendental Meditation Teacher Training Course in Italy and was returning home to Canada, via France, England and Scotland. I wound up being a house guest for a week with my Scottish relatives.

Of course, I talked up the virtues of TM and the Science of Creative Intelligence. Maharishi had sent us on a Mission to implement his World Plan and I was full of enthusiasm. My cousins listened patiently but didn't say much. Years later, I reflected that I must have been an awful bore.

Years passed. I grew further and further away from the Maharishi and TM. In 1980, I gave up the practice entirely.

Joyce's father and mother passed on, but we exchanged Christmas cards for years. She was only slightly older than I.

Several years ago, Joyce told me she had been initiated into TM. She told me this as if to say, “We now have something more in common than we used to.”

I told her the truth. Transcendental Meditation was a thing of the past for me.

That was the last I heard from Joyce. I tried several times to contact her again but to no avail. Talk about toxic! I can only assume she I blacklisted me. What a role reversal!

If I had another chance to meet with Joyce, I would have told her that I haven't known one person who has achieved the Guru's promise of self realization and enlightenment or who have even come close. Maharishi told us that it all would happen within six to eight years and now 40 years have passed and his devotees have as many or more problems than the rest of us.

I still have a copy of a 52 page Canadian World Plan Manual, a crude typewritten booklet, published in Italy in 1972. It is a reminder of how foolish, immature and delusional I was.

My separation from Maharishi and TM happened slowly. I just gradually slipped away. This process actually began in Italy. I remember being irritated with some insular, close minded people in Fuiggi Fonte who weren't interested in traveling two hours by train to spend a day in Rome, once the center of western civilization. For them, nothing existed beyond Maharishi and our tight knit little community. My eyes widened when a lone meditator got up at one of our meetings to ask why, after eight years, he still hadn't achieved enlightenment. Maharishi responded flippantly that one shouldn't set time limits on such things.

Back in Vancouver, someone in the local center pushed two of us to join the university curriculum development committee as student reps and push to establish an SCI course at that institution.

Faculty members blocked our way and the other TM rep immediately quit. Instead of fighting my teachers, I adapted and began work on a more acceptable project. At the end of my term, I had done nothing for the movement but I did initiate a modest little course change. Worth it? Definitely! I was starting to become more pragmatic.

I have always been something of a rebel and a loner, not much of a joiner. I was beginning to come to some sort of self realization about myself. Still it took another six or seven years to unattach myself completely from this cult.

Today I wouldn't be at all concerned about the TM Free Blog or similar websites, except for the fact that Maharishi and his movement refuses to die in my life. It keeps popping up where I least expect it.

In May of 2009, my girlfriend and I visited my friend Laura, not her real name, in Fairfield. Laura completed her BA in Education at a regular Canadian institution and worked as a teaching substitute there for a year or so. Then Laura dropped out of regular life and attached herself to the movement.

A resident of Fairfield since 1984, she holds a Masters Degree in Education from Maharishi International University. About eight years ago, she married Donald, another TM volunteer.

When we visited the two of them, they were making the equivalent of $3.50 an hour as meditation test subjects which was actually better than what the university administration paid. Laura supplemented this gig with cleaning another person's house. I can only hope that person paid her something approaching minimum wage.

Unlike a Catholic nun or a priest, Donald and Laura seem to enjoy no official status with the TM organization. They have no medical insurance. When Donald went to hospital, the state welfare department paid for his care. Donald also has chronic, untreated back problems, which from experience I know won't go away by itself.

We didn't see a lot of Donald and Laura because of their work obligations. Laura talked non-stop about how strapped they were for money. She might not admit it, but she wasn't happy with her poverty-stricken life.

Donald told me he envied my retired status, which must he called “bliss.” He also was fascinated with our dinky little hotel pool and hot tub. There's a guy, I figure, who would appreciate some physical creature comforts.

Their paltry income is supplemented by charity from others. Their car was supplied by a local agency. Laura gets help from her family and Donald's brother gave them his old computer. They sort of scrape by, no thanks to the TMO.

On the other hand, Maharishi's nephew is a billionaire. That doesn't seem fair.

Laura and Donald's emotional bonds to TM are tight. Laura's Mom is an avid meditator. Donald's brother ranks high in the TM organization. I can't see them leaving Fairfield any time soon, but I remain hopeful.

Elizabeth is another long time meditator, of 30 or 40 years standing, who's taken many courses in Fairfield. She's gone from living a good middle class life to enduring a hard one. Five years ago, she and her husband lived in a large luxurious home in a good area. They were a handsome couple. Elizabeth spoke at length about her TM activities and all of her TM buddies, a few of whom I once knew. One would have assumed that Elizabeth was, by now, a very wise and serene person.

Then, things began to fall apart. Elizabeth and her husband broke up. As is the case in many separations, their finances were no longer what they once were. Elizabeth had to move to a room in a poorer area. Since she had never worked, she had nothing to fall back on.

Elizabeth then had a nervous breakdown and wound up in the psychiatric unit of a local hospital. From there she went to living in a group home and drawing welfare. She no longer meditates and get this! She's taken up smoking, I'm told Elizabeth has aged 20 years. Talk about reverse evolution!

Finally there are my Canadian relatives who started meditating while I was in Italy. Two of them still meditate but the father and the son were forced to quit because TM was “too powerful” for them. The father, now deceased, was a manic depressive. The son, I think, is autistic. In theory, TM should have been helped them. It obviously did not.

Do you find these stories about Laura, Donald, Elizabeth and my family depressing? I do. They don't have the happy ending Maharishi promised. These are not tales of sweetness and light.

I am older and wiser than I was in 1972, and thankful I successfully escaped from the Maharishi cult.

Increased Stress through the Transcendental Meditation program. Part 1 of 2: Rushing, Lack of Stimulation and Guilt-Induction

One of Transcendental Meditation's main advertising points is that TM reduces stress. While the TM technique may reduce stress, the TM lifestyle is something else altogether. I would like to offer my thoughts on the one and one half years I spent on the TM "Creating Coherence Course," which I attended from 1979 to 1981 in Fairfield, Iowa, USA.

If constant rushing about trying to keep on a tight schedule is a stressor, then the Creating Coherence Course was designed to be stressful. We spent all day running from place to place, with barely enough travel time. Every morning, course participants rushed to the meditation hall to arrive before the doors were locked at 7:50 a.m. Attendance was always taken, and you'd get a demerit, a serious talking-to, and a guilt trip for missing too many meditations. That was because each person on the course was "personally responsible for preventing World War III" by doing the meditations together. Bevan Morris, the Dean? the President? of Maharishi International University had told us so, complete with mathematical equations proving it was true. We did our morning TM and TM-Sidhis programs until about 11:00 a.m. While each person's subjective experience of these meditation programs was different, my personal experiences ranged from blissful to physically painful to boring to anxiety-producing to mind-numbing.

Once done with our morning program, we changed out of our meditation clothes and into our street clothes, and rushed to arrive at work (a TM-owned decorative-glass factory located off-campus) by 11:15 a.m. (Since this all happened 28 years ago, and I'm writing from memory, I may have gotten some of the schedule slightly wrong. For this, I apologize, and if anyone has any corrections, please write them in the "Comments" section below. Thanks!) We worked until noon, then we rushed back to campus for lunch, which was served from 12:15 to 1:00. We rushed to be back at work by 1:15, and worked until 4:00. Then we rushed back to the meditation hall, changed out of our street clothes and into our meditation clothes, and rushed to fit in our lying down, yoga stretches and yogic breathing exercises before 4:30, when our afternoon meditation program started. Meditation ended about 6:45. We changed back into our street clothes and went to dinner, which was served until about 8:00. Our evening meetings started at 8:00 p.m. Each person's subjective experience of the meetings was different, but I personally found them mind-numbingly boring: stodgy repetitive "celebrations," hypnotic readings of English translations of Hindu scripture, boring videotaped lectures by Maharishi or occasionally by someone else, and stultifying tapes of Hindu chanting. Meetings ended at 9:45, and we rushed back to our dorms, because if you weren't in bed with the lights out by 10 p.m., we'd get a demerit and a guilty conscience. (We were told that staying up late was detrimental to the success of our world peace efforts.) This was our schedule six days a week. On Sundays, our schedule was the same except that we had the day off from work.

Aside from all the stress of rushing, boredom and guilt, there was the stress of not enough time and subsequent lack of stimulation. We clearly barely had time to pursue our creative, artistic or intellectual interests; nor to stay in touch with non-Fairfield relatives and friends; nor to enjoy recreation and entertainment. It was even difficult to fit in socializing with our fellow course participants! Talking on the way to the meditation hall was discouraged. Socializing in the meditation hall was prohibited. I had one married friend admit to me that Sunday afternoons were the only time she got to spend time with her husband! There was minimal time to do laundry, clean our rooms, take a shower, floss our teeth or get aerobic exercise. There was minimal time to contemplate our lifestyle, our values, the direction of our lives, our career plans, or romantic relationships. With men and women largely segregated, and sexuality tacitly discouraged (see my May 4, 2009 TM-Free Blog article, "Maharishi's Teachings on Sex and Gender Roles"), opportunities to pursue relationships, marriage, and child-bearing were minimized.

It was clearly a very unbalanced lifestyle. Despite the TM organization's claim that the TM technique unfolded the full potential of the individual in all areas of life in a balanced way, the rules of our Maharishi-designed Creating Coherence Course were detrimental to the development of a well-rounded, self-actualized, healthy adult, and the chronic racing around, lack of stimulation and guilt-induction made our lives more stressful.

(This is a 2-part series. To read Part 2, " Increased Stress through the Transcendental Meditation Program. Part 2 of 2: Live Chaotically and Be a Guinea Pig," please go to TM-Free Blog at September 20, 2010).

Escape from Transcendental Meditation

Albert Miller was central to the founding of TranceNet.net in 1995. In addition to writing valuable articles, he was invaluable in the original brainstorming for the site. Below is his personal story of entering, and eventually leaving, the Transcendental Meditation Org. Originally written in 1995, it is surprising how much his concerns are still the topic of our discussions decades later.

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by Albert B. Miller

I first read about Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in a Coronet magazine article in 1971. It was a review of the guru's latest Western activities and his new book, The Science of Being and Art of Living. He was attracting people with a sort of mystical charm and his message about transcendental meditation sounded intriguing; TM was in vogue and a lot of people were doing it, I read. "Do less and accomplish more," the yogi had said, voicing one of the alleged benefits of the meditation practice.

Apparently with genuine altruism he wanted to help people reach high potential. Contact with "Being" for self-fulfillment was the immediate goal; spiritual regeneration, enlightenment and cosmic consciousness were grand objectives.

Once learned, I read, TM would neutralize stress and quickly improve all aspects of mind and body. Its continued practice, he asserted, would open doors to higher states of consciousness where you would acquire a host of supernormal qualities such as "pure creativity" and "spontaneous right action."

That part was too much to expect from merely meditating, I thought at the time. Normally I would have dismissed statements like those as pure fantasy, banking on my New England heritage of discrimination and downright caution. But for a workaholic like myself, the stress management claims for TM sounded useful, even plausible, and the mere possibility of unfolding one's inner potential made it seem worth the investment of $75. I called the TM center in Los Angeles and was meditating one week later.

The twice daily routine, with eyes closed, slowed me down considerably and gave my body and mind some much needed rest. A marvelous feeling of well-being ensued, which I credited to TM. And the local TM activities provided ready-made social contacts that were generally missing from my life. (In addition to being a workaholic, I also had a tendency to be a loner.)

The Vision

From then on I read everything I could find on TM, did the meditation regularly and attended weekly meetings, asking questions to understand subtle experiences and manage occasional difficulties with the practice. I became a sort of expert on it after a while, encouraging others and expecting high attainment. I planned to become a teacher of TM, was active at local TM centers, and started preliminary training.

TM residence courses were next, two-to-seven days in length, where we did up to six meditations a day instead of the normal two. Before each meditation we would hyperventilate with a breathing practice called pranayama, and then did a series of body stretching exercises known as yoga asanas. [sic: Albert appears to have reversed the order of asanas then pranayama.] There were quiet discussions about movement-related subjects, and we watched endless videos of Maharishi extolling the benefits of TM from every conceivable angle. Evening meetings on residence courses ended by listening to tapes of Indian pundits softly chanting hymns from the Hindu holy book, Sama-Veda.

Following one three-day residence course, I walked into my house and immediately hallucinated with a clear vision of personal distress: I was in ocean waters swimming against currents that were pulling me seaward, unable to make it back to land. The vision came and went but was always the same. It was in full color and so intrinsically real that I would sink into myself, so to speak, with each reappearance and I had a hard time holding on to present reality. The vision slowly subsided over twenty four hours and finally went away. My TM teacher said: "Something good had happened." I was not reassured.

In 1979, after meditating regularly for eight years and not feeling particularly enlightened by it, I decided to take the advanced meditation course called TM-Sidhis, hoping to get better overall results from the daily practice. At that time, I owned and operated a magazine publishing business in Laguna Beach, California. After learning the TM-Sidhis, I continued my meditation program with the added technique for another six years without noticeable advances, apart from having less concern about everything in general.

The Plunge

Most of the people I met through the TM movement in California had moved to Fairfield, Iowa, where they practiced their meditation in one of the big golden domes on the Maharishi International University (MIU) campus, located in Fairfield. There was a dome for women and a dome for men, each with space for a thousand people. Meditating in large groups like that was said to be much more profound, and you didn't have to be an MIU student to participate. That was an incentive for me; most of my friends were there and the cost of living in Iowa was about half of what it was in Laguna Beach.

I sold my business and moved to MIU in January, 1986. The change of pace and new horizons were instantly rejuvenating: a circle of close friends with a common cause and living on a college campus at my age were immediate boosts to morale and ego. My friends and I credited TM and TM-Sidhis in the golden dome for this new lease on life. One of the other alleged benefits of doing TM is that you will receive the support of nature in every endeavor: I felt supported; I believed it all.

I joined a staff group at the Maharishi Capital of the Age of Enlightenment (MCAE) on the MIU campus. There are "Capitals" (MCAEs) in major cities throughout the world to administer local TM-movement functions, viz., promoting, lecturing, and teaching the TM and TM-Sidhi programs, holding regular meditator meetings, residence courses, large-group World Peace Assemblies (WPAs), recruiting and training new teachers and other agenda. The WPAs tend to reduce crime rates and bring about world peace when people do the TM-Sidhis in large groups, according to the Maharishi whose word was never challenged.

Capital staff people were given room and board, free access to the domes, time for extra meditation, a monthly stipend and other benefits including ayurvedic services. It was a good practical arrangement, I thought: close to the dome for improving my program and a focus of complementary activity for balance.

As time went on, I began to notice the tendency of staff people I worked with and others on the MIU campus to accept without question every new movement dogma, dictum, fee-for-services teaching and Age of Enlightenment product. World-view knowledge appeared to be missing. With notable exceptions, people were generally laid back and impressionable; some were simply mesmerized it seemed. Conversations were usually limited to movement subjects, what the Maharishi had said about one thing or another, or how to earn money. Time allotted for work assignments was always short and staff productivity typically low; there was no real work ethic. I didn't understand all of this at first; I thought it was inconsistent with Maharishi's "ideal society" of which MIU was to be a microcosm. But I tended to ignore it, went about my business, and kept my own counsel.

By then, I had become director of MCAE operations running two Capital departments on the MIU campus. As director of operations I observed meditators daily, several in my departments, who would get "hung up" during the day half way between what appeared to be the inward focus of meditation while attempting to do their job effectively, especially long-time meditators. I, too, was somewhat affected in this manner, but my work ethic and position of authority required a strong outward focus that counterbalanced this tendency most of the time.

'Snapping'

Although enthusiastic at first with old and new friends at MIU, and with the buzz of dome dynamics, by 1989 I had become disillusioned with the entire program. It had been eighteen years since beginning the practice of transcendental meditation, nine years with the advanced TM-Siddhis technique, and there were no meaningful changes in my life, even from regular group meditation in the golden dome.

I continued to think and perform more or less as I always had in spite of being in a mild state of trance from continuous meditation routines, daily knowledge meetings and tapes, and incessant conversations full of movement clichés, slogans and euphemisms. Any merits that a person had and every positive event that occurred were always credited to group meditation; negative behavior and events were explained as being caused by one's "unstressing" or dome non-attendance.

I began to see through all this. Apart from being more rested and experiencing the benefits of relaxation, and feeling somewhat trance-euphoric, the big changes promised by TM teachers didn't happen. What was happening to me and to people under my very nose was the tendency to be unproductive, "spaced out" in the head, emotionally flat and forgetful. I noticed involuntary twitching from time to time. Delusions of grandeur were rampant.

Reported in the article: "TM in Conflict" in the San Francisco Examiner, Sept. 10, 1989: "A local Jefferson County attorney in Fairfield, Iowa said he had to commit approximately twenty MIU students to mental institutions," and that "a study completed [by Leon S. Otis] at Stanford Research Institute involving 574 subjects concluded that forty percent of those who had practiced TM for eighteen months or longer complained of being chronically 'anxious, confused, frustrated, depressed, and/or withdrawn.'"

The TM people I had known for years were obviously no more enlightened from their meditation routines than I was and the whole range of human frailties remained among them, with some mighty bizarre mutations appearing here and there. In addition to customary health problems, there was affectation, complacency, lack of objectivity, mood-making, bad manners, and undefined fears, especially among the long-term votaries.

I also noticed that local and national crime rates had increased dramatically during the past three years, contrary to Maharishi's prediction that group practice of TM-Sidhis would "take care of the crime." All of this clearly repudiated the enlightenment and world-saving formulae of the Maharishi, I thought, the yogi from the Valley of the Saints. In the parlance of cult-exit counseling, I had just "snapped."

I decided eighteen years of TM charades were enough, gave notice, stopped doing my meditation program and moved into Fairfield to do some writing. Two years later I moved to Iowa City where I became involved in the church again and with the University of Iowa. I met Iowans and began to establish real world roots in The Hawkeye State.

Copyright ©1995 Albert Miller. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission of the author.