Showing posts with label TM-children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TM-children. Show all posts

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Review of "Greetings from Utopia Park; Surviving a Transcendent Childhood" by Claire Hoffman

Greetings from Utopia Park; Surviving a Transcendent Childhood
by Claire Hoffman
(2016) HarperCollins Publishers, New York, 265 pages


Claire Hoffman offers a tender and honest memoir about her childhood in Transcendental Meditation’s mecca in Fairfield, Iowa. Born in 1977 to parents practicing Transcendental Meditation (TM), Claire lived in TM’s Iowa community from age 5-16. For those seeking a full exposé about TM's lifestyles, this would not be the story for you.

The preface opens with the author in present time, in her mid-thirties. As a successful journalist, she is a happily married young mother living away from cult origins. She returns to her former community to resolve what she labels as youthful cynicism. She wants to believe and thus registers for an advanced TM program to learn to fly. Belief versus cynicism is the thread winding through her narrative.

Clare then weaves a beautifully written story from the 1970’s seduction of her hippy parents by the Beatles’ guru during TM’s heyday. The young adults find Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s promise of inner tranquility, world peace, and eventually a community with other meditators to be a welcome respite from their own abusive childhoods. Claire is their second child. When her father stops practicing TM, succumbs to alcoholism, and abandons his young family in New York City, her mother lacks the means to support her children. Initially they relocate from New York to the Florida home of Claire’s grandmother, then resettle in Fairfield, Iowa with Maharishi’s so-called “Ideal Society” outside his university. 

Young Claire eagerly anticipates enrolling in her third kindergarten that year to join classmates who share a lifestyle and also practice TM’s childhood mantra meditation, or “Word of Wisdom” - she quickly learns she will not attend Maharishi’s private school because the private tuition is prohibitive. Instead, she and her brother attend a local public school where classmates taunt them as “Ru’s”, short for “Guroos”. An anonymous sponsor eventually enables Claire and her brother to attend Maharishi’s school. She happily dons the requisite blue jumper and bow tie to blend with other children who together sing Maharishi songs, learn their guru’s teachings interwoven with the three R’s, and receive grades for meditation.

When they move into one of two hundred dilapidated trailer homes in “Utopia Park”, Claire and her brother merge with a close-knit subculture of unsupervised children who create excitement while parents daily attend hours of group “Program” meditation. A few unusual childhood deaths provide a shadowy backdrop to other childhood mishaps. She has a close brush with a man who befriends children and targets Claire alone for physical exploration; she runs from his apartment while he showers with the bathroom door open. She mentions others’ stories of wild teenage explorations, fathers who have affairs with teenage babysitters, and easy access to recreational drugs. She describes her world as “binary”, divided between those who follow Maharishi’s teachings versus those who are not to be trusted. Their mother struggles financially through a series of jobs with meditator companies and a series of heartbreaks with sequential boyfriends. In contrast to her family’s struggles, Claire provides a brief overview of TM’s history and mentions Maharishi’s multibillion dollar global empire.

Their father becomes sober and reenters the lives of his now adolescent children to explain that they live in a cult. Her father is a writer who encourages his children to express themselves. As Claire prepares to enter high school, her anonymous sponsorship for Maharishi school evaporates. She enrolls in Fairfield’s public high school along with other TM kids who are stigmatized because their families cannot afford Maharishi School. She finds her way with “townie” teens. After a drug laden party at an abandoned rock quarry, sixteen year old Claire can no longer tolerate the confusing lifestyle. She apologizes to her mother and joins her father in California to finish school and pursue mainstream education and lifestyle.

The story jumps forward fifteen years to find Claire, an accomplished professional, flipping perspective on her early years. She holds a faculty position with the University of California and has published articles in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Rolling Stone. With a supportive husband and crying baby, Claire has a crisis of meaning in her seemingly mundane life. She misses her community and connection to a higher purpose. In an ironic twist, she writes she misses the “safety” of her childhood community. 

TM luminaries David Lynch and Bobby Roth invite Claire to meetings in Los Angeles with Hollywood celebrities recently recruited to Transcendental Meditation, causing her to question her youthful cynicism. She feels that her negativity from a TM childhood should not interfere with celebrities’ benefitting from TM. Lynch and Roth meet individually with Claire, tempting her back to her roots. The memoir concludes as it began. Claire attends advanced meditation retreats and returns to her childhood home to learn TM’s advanced meditation to fly, bouncing on high density foam. She experiences the inner bliss that initially captivated her mother. However, she fails to mention the $5,000 price tag for TM’s advanced flying program; she does not disclose her mystical meditation mantra nor advanced techniques. When Claire's daughter learns her “Word her Wisdom”, she reveals her meditation mantra is “wisdom” which Bobby Roth verifies. Claire is surprised that it’s not a meaningless sound, but fails to mention TM’s touted meaningless sounds are derived from Hindu deities.

In the Epilogue she reflects that utopia didn’t exist, but the quest for bliss, satisfaction and inner peace were hard to relinquish. She states the TM Movement was not a failure, and that her community was not fooled. She acknowledges their sincere desire to build utopia and pursuit of a shared dream… “what mattered was the believing. The willingness to believe is everything.” She admits that today “. . . one of the hardest things to see are the staff members who have worked there for decades, giving their time and their lives to a cause that is no longer there. Their guru is dead and the fortune he amassed from his followers is being fought over in Indian probate court.”

The author tenderly describes both idealism and frank details of destructive neglect in her childhood community. However, when summarizing TM’s scientific benefits, she does not question research methodology, nor mention alternatives.

In the acknowledgements section Claire thanks lifelong friends, alluding to other experiences, “I know you all have different lenses with which you view our shared past but I hope you recognize the one you read here.” She thanks Bobby Roth for “his openhearted invitation to me to keep Transcendental Meditation in my life, despite my cynical and questioning heart. It is in many ways thanks to him that I still practice - and enjoy - meditation today.” She is grateful for her mother’s love and hard work to raise her children, stating that this memoir “is really just a bumbling, inept love letter to her and to the religious experience, even though it may not always feel like it.”

Claire’s humble and honest memoir is a quick read. I recommend “Greetings from Utopia Park” for one perspective on making sense of a confusing cult childhood.


As reviewer, I must state my inherent bias. I was also raised in TM. My conclusions differ from those expressed by Claire Hoffman in “Greetings from Utopia Park”. Claire and I share many personal connections, much as would distant cousins in a small community. Some TM kids, now adults, tell me Claire’s story mirrors their own. Others share more gruesome tales. Unlike Claire Hoffman who concludes with an upbeat note about TM, my own cynicism remains unabated even as I love people from my past. I suspect that Bobby Roth and David Lynch lured Claire back to the dissociative high of TM’s prolonged meditations because her journalistic skill risked exposing their organization. In this memoir, Claire does not reveal TM’s mystical mantras nor the price tag of TM’s advanced programs, thus sheltering key first steps to cult indoctrination. She glosses over mention of TM’s many costly add-ons and monastic programs. When reading that Claire’s daughter’s mantra is “wisdom”, I wondered - did the TM Movement change mantras from Sanskrit to English after Maharishi's death? Or only for Claire’s daughter? In either case, there is no magic.

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Monday, November 03, 2014

"TM-Kids" Open Up Publicly

Willy Blackmore's essay about a young father's childhood hometown was published online October 24, 2014 : Growing Up in Utopia .

He describes the contrast between growing up as a non-Iowan in Iowa.  How do you tell your current friends that you learned to fly when you were 17?  Why do local Iowans think "you're not from around here" when you really did grow up in their backyard? He eloquently describes coming of age surrounded by cornfields, idealistic ex-hippies who believe they bring world peace by holing up to bounce on padded foam for hours daily, shmoozing with visiting celebrities, and his peers' angst.

Click here to read Willy's : Growing Up in Utopia







After years of declining invitations to make a formal presentation at San Francisco's reputable intellectual forum The Commonwealth Club of California, On October 20, 2014 I presented  Cult or Benign Cure-all? Life in Transcendental Meditation's Hidden Society



With an illustrated Power Point presentation and screen shots of TMO's active websites, I described the lives of my loved ones and myself in the TM Movement from 1966-2014.  By coincidence fifty years of my family life were defined by the TM Movement, even though I physically left in the late 1980s with my own three TM-born children. Without throwing slanderous stones, I shared stories of loved ones as TM's focus changed from mysticism to mystical science, of child neglect, psychosis, suicides, thousands of dollars spent for promises, fortunes lost and the next generation's struggles for self definition.  Such stories lay doubt on the David Lynch Foundation's promise of one-shot panacea for Transcendental Meditation in public schools, the Veterans Administration and elsewhere.  Listeners might appreciate post-talk objections that were raised by TM true believers.

You may listen to the 45 minutes audio track by clicking here : Cult of Benign Cure-all? Life in Transcendental Meditation's Hidden Society















Monday, March 03, 2014

San Francisco High School Rejects TM's "Quiet Time"

Wallenberg High School of San Francisco canceled “Quiet Time” program effective 2014. 

The David Lynch Foundation had used celebrity endorsement and donations to sponsor this stealth entry for Transcendental Meditation into public schools. 

Thanks to SF Parents Against TM in Public Schools for their activism to educate school administration and faculty about the many facets of this superficially benign program. And thanks, once again, for David Sieveking’s documentary “David Wants to Fly” about the wizardry behind Maharishi’s Oz. 

Thanks also to Attorney Ford Greene for professional services rendered to educate school administration about academic controversy with cultic organizations.

Cheers for a successfully targeted stone from concerned citizens against a global goliath.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Please Help Us Update: How are TM Mantras Chosen?

The founder of the Transcendental Meditation movement, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi,  was insistent that the TM mantras came from a long "Holy Tradition,"and that the "purity of the teaching" had to be maintained.  He taught that each individual instructed in TM had to have his or her mantra carefully chosen by a highly trained teacher in order for it to be suitable for that individual and to produce the best results.  It was implied that choosing the correct mantra involved metaphysical knowledge.    

Mahesh cautioned teachers of TM that except during initiation, they were never to say aloud or write down the mantras that he had taught them.  They weren't even permitted to say them to other TM teachers.  So it wasn't until TM teachers got disillusioned, broke Mahesh's rule, and started sharing mantras that they discovered that Mahesh, rather than passing down the categories for mantras with perfection, precision and purity, had actually taught mantras based on changeable categories.
  
Readers of TM-Free Blog and other websites skeptical of TM now know that over the years, Mahesh has taught TM teachers to choose the mantras based upon the initiates' age, or sex, or age plus sex.  On different TM Teacher Training Courses (TTC), Mahesh added mantras, deleted mantras, changed the spelling or pronunciation of mantras, and changed which category got which mantra.

The excellent website minet.org, written many years ago by TM-Free Blog coordinator Mike Doughney, provides the following table, listing which mantras Mahesh taught on different TTCs:


                               The TM Mantra Tables

19611969-Male1969-FemaleFiuggi, 1972
SexMantraAgeMantraAgeMantraAgeMantra
MALERAM0-15ING0-15IM10-11ING
FEMALESHIRIRAM15-30AING15-30AIM12-13IM
30-45SHRING30-45SHRIM14-15INGA
46 +SHIAM46 +SHIAMA16-17IMA
18-19AYING
20-21AYIM
22-23AYINGA
24-25AYIMA
> 25SHIRING
197619771978October,19781987
AgeMantraAgeMantraAgeMantraAgeMantraAgeMantra
03-10ENG03-10ING0-11ENG
10-12EM10-12IN10-12ENG10-12ENG
12-14ENGA12-14INGA12-14EM12-14EM12-13EM
14-16EMA14-16INA14-16EMGA14-16ENGA14-15ENGA
16-18AENG16-18AING16-18EMA16-18EMA16-17EMA
18-20AEM18-20AIM18-20AENG18-20AING18-19AING
20-22AENGA20-22AINGA20-22AEM20-22AIM20-21AIM
22-24AEMA22-24AIMA22-24AENGA22-24AINGA22-23AINGA
24-26AEMA24-26AIMA24-25AIMA
24-30SHIRING24-30SHIRING26-30SHIRING26-30SHIRING26-29SHIRING
30-35SHIRIM30-35SHIRIN30-35SHIRIM30-35SHIRIM30-34SHIRIM
35-40HIRING35-40HIRING35-40HIRING35-40HIRING35-39HIRING
40-45HIRIM40-45HIRIN40-45HIRIM40-45HIRIM40-44HIRIM
45-50KIRING45-50KIRING45-50KIRING45-50KIRING45-49KIRING
50-55KIRIM50-55KIRIN50-55KIRIM50-55KIRIM50-54KIRIM
55-60SHIAM55-60SHIAM55-60SHYAM55-60SHIAM55-59SHAM
60 +SHIAMA60 +SHIAMA60 +SHYAMA60 +SHIAMA60 +SHAMA
Notes: The year at the top of each column indicates the year the teacher was trained.
"Age" is that of the initiate at the time of learning the technique.
_____________________________________________________

This table was compiled by interviewing former TM teachers who had been trained on different TTCs.  Some of the table comes from the old TM-EX newsletter:  http://minet.org/TM-EX/Spring-91.  (By the way, I looked at this newsletter and found it fascinating.)

It is clear to me that this table is incomplete.  For instance, the mantra "rarim," which my mother received, is not listed anywhere here.  

Can you help us?

If you are a former TM teacher, and you got a different set of mantras or different how-to-choose categories from the ones listed on the table, could you please write us a "Comment" with the list you were taught, and the year and location of your TTC course?

If you are not a TM teacher, but when you learned TM you were taught a mantra that doesn't line up with any of the mantras listed above, could you please "Comment" for us as well?  If it doesn't interfere with your privacy, we'd like to know your sex, your age at the time of initiation, and what year you were initiated.  

We would be interested in any other inconsistencies, oddities  or tidbits, like who your TM teacher was, what TTC they attended, if you learned TM in a group rather than individually, did you learn TM from Mahesh personally and what was that like, etc. etc.

Or if you were under 21 on your TTC, did Mahesh forbid you to teach anyone over 25?  Did he only give you child and young adult mantras?  When you reached age 21, did he give you the mantras for adults?  If so, list those too, if they don't match the table, and let us know what year you received them.  

Or, if you were given "special" mantras for monks, nuns, seminarians, etc., please list those, how chosen, date of receiving them, etc.  We already know that some TM teachers were told to give this group the same mantras that were given out to teens!
  
Many thanks!  Here's for increased truth!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Prison of Indoctrination - TMO

The author of this unsolicited contribution requests to remain publicly anonymous for now. 
This person was raised in the Transcendental Meditation Movement.

Being born into a TM Cult family has lasting impacts on relationships both physical and emotional, personal and working.

The broad strokes can be traced back to a few things, most noticeable in my eyes are: Jyotish, the blabberish of your entire life being predetermined and predictable, and the built in assumption that you must be with another cult member (read true believer), or convert the one you have into a true believer. 

This has had a devastating effect on my relationships with non-TM friends, with girl friends, and significant others. How? 

Growing up as a second generation TM kid, you were constantly told what a special gift to be born into a family of yogi's, truly amazing, and that you, and others born into TMO families would bring about heaven on earth. 

The constant reinforcement through TM schools engrained in the pschye that no happiness would be possible, and no-one would truly know you unless they also were helping "heaven on earth" eventuate by joining the TMO. This ingrained brainwashing led to the brink of sex addiction - seeking a connection, but never allowing any emotional openness because "it would never lead to anything, they aren't TMO". 

Looking back, the callous way this destroyed any playful emotional connections, and removed any possible seeds of a relationship with meaning to flourish is the saddest thing to me. A 3 year relationship finally ended on the back of mental turmoil - I couldn't see her embracing the TMO, and closed myself off, ending it suddenly and refusing any chance of reconciliation. This relationship lasted this long almost in spite of myself - I was experiencing significant dissonance and attempted to live a "normal life", not meditating, making friends not within the TMO, and making a go of it. 

In spite of all this, I was conflicted throughout, wrestling with truly giving in and having a relationship about us, and not her or my beliefs. I failed, it failed, and I reverted back to several years of emotionally restricted physical encounters, despairing of finding someone "on my level" and fully TMO. 

Regular lectures from my TMO invested father throughout this period on how important it was to have a wife of the same background and values (read TMO faithful) were endured during this time, including strong positive reinforcement when I ended the 3 year relationship, saying it was the right decision, and discouraging me from second-guessing myself. 

Jyotish was the counter-punch one-two blow that landed regularly in conduction with the conditioning. Being told throughout childhood and adulthood that my life would be hard, difficult, and unhappiness would reign if my main focus wasn't on the spiritual side of life (read TMO only, no other), due to my particular chart combination, built in another reason to shut down any connection that wasn't interested in TM.

It took a lot to break that, to the point that the delightful person I'm married to was pre-emptively dumped after a month of dating because I couldn't see her becoming part of the TMO. Thankfully she didn't take no for an answer and persevered with me, held on even through being coerced into learning TM (she felt nothing, had no positive effects, and it bored her), and almost pushed into becoming a teacher of ™. 

The dissonance I experienced between the conditioning of being born into the TM Cult and cold, hard, beautiful reality finally broke through the veil and started the exiting process that is filling me with more self awareness than any of Mahesh's sleepfest mumbles ever did. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Growing Up Enlightened 1990

Blast from the past. 1990 Book about Maharishi's Education for Enlightenment. The photo must have been taken between 1984-1987, since my daughter is in the crowd.

This book's cover photo brings a flood of warm memories for idealistic community, believing we were safe and protected, followed by bittersweet memories of the young faces who are no longer with us.

My young daughter beams from her spot cocooned in the community that she once loved, with her dearest childhood friends directly behind Maharishi's photo. Fortunately, my children were spared the full experience of Maharishi's education since we moved away shortly after this photo was taken. I never signed permission for my daughter's image to be publicized in this way, nor in other promo material of the era in which she was specifically highlighted. I'm sure other parents also did not sign releases for Maharishi International University Press' use of their children's images.







Let's see, from my personal connections ~ some of these graduates of enlightened education grew up to create successful lives in the outside world, after stumbling away of their own accord.

A few of those no-longer-kids work for the TM Organization, blogging on TM - MUM - David Lynch Foundation sites, recruitment officers for Maharishi University, DLF administrators, or videographers.

A few died needlessly, some were alcohol and drug related. I know of at least one who threw themselves (I choose respectful gender neutraility)  before an oncoming train, and another of a self inflicted gun shot with a gun purchased at Fairfield's Wal-Mart.

Another is incarcerated in an Iowa penitentiary, for child abduction with alcohol and weapons.

A few others suffer from dissociative and other psychiatric disorders, having spent early adulthood in an out of psychiatric institutions.

Others became teenage mothers with attendant financial and social challenges (like myself, as a result of statutory rape in the very small previous generation of TM kids). At least one of the young girls in this photo later did not know which of many potential candidates had recreationally fathered her children - the gene donors came from amongst smiling crowds of such group photos commemorating Maharishi's perfect society.

Some parents or other family members had needlessly ugly deaths because they sought medical treatment only as a desperate last resort when it was too late for cure. Rather than seeking appropriate medical care, such devotees died from illnesses which raged unchecked as they spent thousands of dollars for fraudulent therapies with Maharishi's ayurvedic products, magic yagyas (mystical prayer ceremonies), and magical rubies, sapphires, and other gems because they believed as Maharishi taught "We are not going to take help from medical Drs. as medical professionals give poison. So don't engage any medical Drs. for anything - absolutely whatever it is - even if they are in our Movement family... Hold onto the fact that we are the supreme authorities on health - we know how to create perfect health - we are challenging all governments in world."

These so-called enlightened children were left to pick up the pieces of their fractured families.

So much for the lauded Heaven on Earth!






When I texted this photo to my adult daughter, she quickly responded :

"Yeah, I think that's me with the huge naive grin, just behind the Maharishi photo, two heads away from J. Makes sense." She then identified her favorite teachers, then more memories :

"Second grade teacher was the woman who married J.H.'s mom's ex-husband. Now, that sounds cultish... Haha"

Thankfully my daughter only had a taste of the cult dysfunction.

Would you help The David Lynch Foundation bring this program to your neighborhood school today? Not me.

If you were here, or remember pertinent stories, please comment.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Recovering TM Cult Children --

Given that most posts here generate stimulating conversation about the TMO, Maharishi and cult (and recovery) dynamics, I couldn't help but note the lack of comments (both here and on TM-Free's FB page) to a recent insightful post Maharishi Mahesh Demeans Children. which quoted Helena Olson's "Maharishi at 433" about the guru's attitude toward children. This post was shared anonymously by one our readers who was raised in the TM Movement and included a number of revelatory remarks about adult TM-children's view of the Movement.

The lack of commentators' response to the words of a TM-kid who is finding their voice to publicly speak the unspeakable (criticism of the guru) reminds me when I was the only born-and-raised person in a cult recovery therapy group. Someone else in that group (a former cult member) looked at me askew and said, "That's really interesting. I never thought about the children in our cult."

I laughed and shook my head, "That's the point." I responded, "Children were left largely to their own devices. The leaders did not think about children.  Parents followed leaders' dictates, leadership bent upon narcissistic and financial goals. Cult members with follower-mentality lacked guidance on how to parent. There was some variation, and mostly a lot of neglect."

Sadly, little attention is placed, even in cult recovery, upon the larger issues of those born-and-raised in TM and other cults. The programming from birth can be hard to overcome. Some have lifelong effects that interfere with professional, social and family development. Into adulthood, many remain dependent primarily upon their cult-based childhood friendships because they are unable to create bonds with outsiders.

When leaving the group, "kids" lack any history of a non-cult life from which to navigate the outside world.

Just noticing... still little-to-no recognition for those whose parents and community had 'more-noble' priorities.

Fortunately, an informal network of TM-kids helps one another, in cities around the world. They (we) have our own stories. Most TM-kids share their stories quietly between trusted friends. They do not speak out publicly to avoid rejection from family and lifelong friends, many of whom remain in degrees of TM mentality.

For TM'ers who may respond saying "Maharishi said that your children are your program."
I guarantee that Maharishi NEVER said that. In 1979,  I was a 21 year old single mother, with a 2 year old child from a relationship that had begun as statutory rape when I was 15 years old.

My parents had left me at MIU Santa Barbara to attend the local high school, without a legal custodian when I was 15 years old. They thought it was a pure, safe environment (variation of a common experience for subsequent decades of TM kids). MIU Prep was a joke at that time - a babysitting service based around a few dirty donated fisher-price toys and volunteer babysitters (including me).

I told Bevan Morris, "Our children are our Program" at the first World Peace Assembly in Amherst Massachusetts, summer 1979.

Bevan Morris had called me to a private audience to threaten banning me if I didn't participate in full Program. He said I would be responsible for World War III and global economic collapse because I continued my self-modified version of Program to allow me to also care for my daughter.

In 1979-mid 1980s I then told other parents, as I had told Bevan, "Our children are our Program. Maharishi doesn't know about children because he doesn't have any." I also said the same when I taught childbirth and early parenting classes to TMers in Fairfield, Iowa through the mid 1980s. It seems that some community remembered the message, although attributing it to their guru.

The stance of Maharishi and his Movement (led primarily by single men) toward children and parenting was "Do your program to support spontaneous right action and glean the support of nature". Meanwhile parents were told to meditate for hours daily and donate ample $ums to Maharishi's vision.

MIU Prep and MSAE (Maharishi School of the Age of Enlightenment) were established by motivated parents, not because of Maharishi's interest in children. When TM leadership learned they could glean publicity through MSAE, there was a smidgen of interest to exploit enlightened children to attract followers. That's the same motivation behind David Lynch Foundation's efforts toward school children.

For the most part, TM children hindered the quest for enlightenment, to be seen and largely ignored. Other than teaching children to meditate and parrot the guru's teachings, the Movement did not support nurturing, protecting nor inspiring children's individuality. Fortunately, a few parents had strong parental / maternal instincts; those homes often became a haven for other kids.

Seems that's still the case. To the TM-kids out there - remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!


Sunday, January 20, 2013

Maharishi Mahesh Demeans Children

An adult who was raised under Maharishi's supposedly enlightened umbrella shared the following excerpt from one of the founding books about Maharishi and Transcendental Meditation. Do read the comments from other TM-kids which followed this facebook posting.

Kind of long story but interesting for all of us TM'ers, the children seem to be the only ones that can recognize the emperor with no clothes. Excerpted from "Maharishi at '433' By Helena Olson", the 1979 republication of Helena Olson's 1967 "A Hermit In the House", about her family's houseguest experience with our dhoti-clad guru when he came to the United States :

Theresa had not yet seen Maharishi, and as he alighted from the car she started to run toward him. His eyes met hers and both smiled as he commenced a slow, regal walk to our steps. Roland joined us to greet him. Theresa and I presented him the white geraniums.

"Nice," he said.

"Come in," said Roland who escorted him to the sheet draped armchair. He sat in it in the cross legged position. Tina came in to meet him, and, as I expected, talked to him casually and easily as we all wished to do. I enjoyed just looking at him. We offered punch. He declined and asked for water. Tina and Theresa served him. Then we invited him to see the house. The Siamese cats, Su-Ling and Mei-Ling, came with him from the living room into the small library. Turning into the study, he lingered a moment, then proceeded down the hall to view the dining room, saying nothing. He nodded quite often to the little retinue following. We were hoping he liked it. When we came to the stairs, Roland asked Maharishi if he would like to see the room we had prepared for him. He nodded, and we went upstairs. The two cats raced ahead. The front bedroom was large and airy with windows on two sides. Naturally, it was a little on the dainty side, as it had been decorated for our two oldest daughters while they were home. He stood only at the door. As we went down the small hall to point out the bath, he stood silently. Then he said, "What is there?" motioning to a separate wing of the house. "Oh, Maharishi," I laughed, "that is Tina's room." I nodded toward her, and was a little surprised to see a slight frown on her face. "Even we rarely go in there," I started to say. "I see it?" came the reply. I felt trapped. Every large home and family has a room that gets its door closed when company comes. This room was like that most of the time! We felt Tina's need to be free, and we put as little restriction on her as possible. Her room was completely her private kingdom. Only Sun-Ling, Tina's special favorite cat, came and went freely. Although she had spent the morning cleaning her domain, I had great hesitancy in opening the door. She had always said,"I can't relax when things are too neat."

At this fateful moment we stood in front of the closed door anticipating the worst. I caught Tina's eye as she stood there watching adults invade her world. I wanted to leave the door closed but had to take hold of the knob and open it. Tina's life was to change too. I heard a deep gasp come from Maharishi as he stepped back. Every inch of the walls not adorned with doll collections was covered with souvenirs from school proms, menus, pom-poms from ball games, a toreador poster, ballet posters, movie star pictures, a cow bell and other props from the theatre. But the bed was made, and all clothing was put away. Maharishi's eyes took in the whole collection, and came to rest on the four large windows framed with trees and tropical vines. The curtains blowing free in the afternoon breeze gave a well decorated room an air of seclusion and a suggestion of simplicity. "If you would like to stay in here, we can take some things off the walls."

"That would be very nice."

I thought everything was fine until, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Tina's face. I shut my eyes quickly and ushered the group downstairs to safer ground. After the family was once again alone, I took Tina in my arms. She was near tears. "If that man is so holy, he understands how I feel about my room! Nobody can have my bedroom! Why can't he use the front bedroom?" Her eyes glowed like fiery coals. "I wish he would have, Tina. But, for some reason, he liked your room. I think it is quite an honor."

Tina was not convinced.


Olson, Helena, Maharishi at '433': The Story of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's First Visit to the United States (Los Angeles: R. R. Donnelley, 1979). 40-42.


Facebook Comments on the post   :



E what an asshole! 


Wow Tina got screwed over twice; once by her mom who didn't protect her privacy/property and again by the strange man in white robes.

M Yah, and then didnt Tina go and built a house at HM?

She did, I met her with her attorney husband can't remember his name? She seemed pretty out of it to me:(.

Peter and Tina Sterling... I guess Tina had housing karma with Mahesh her whole life! Zoinks! ;-))

I still have my house in Boone!! Keep hoping someone from the new cult will buy it(sri sri whatever)

P Lol. If Tina didn't want to give up her bedroom then it's because she was just unstressing. An enlightened master never makes mistakes - it was good for her evolution to give up her bedroom. She just wasn't evolved enough to understand.

Learned you can't help anyone..but they can see your story and learn for themselves ...when they want to wake up, they will on their own timing, but many are way too invested to ever do so.

There is an old saying "Take the best and leave the rest". I personally know Tina and Peter, and I'm sure she is neither "out of it" or feels deprived from Maharishi choosing her bedroom. But here's the question I have for L and M: Which is more important to you- How Tina feels today, or your opinion about what happened in the story above. If you are acting out of compassion for Tina, then I'm sure she would love to talk with you about the experience (she and Peter do have a telephone). But if you are more interested in trying to find and spread negative stories about Maharishi (or anyone else) then I'm sure you will find an eager audience. Some people are always more interested in dirt.

HI K ...naw, nothing is "against" or "for"--- I think they are a lovely couple. Just find it interesting that she has housing karma with Mahesh..;-)) First her bedroom gets swiped then she builds a million dollar mansion where Mahesh tells everyone to build, then he pulls out of the development...interesting karma is all! Blessings upon you.


F Yeah sorry K   I'm from Australia and know none of the people involved, but i was raised in the tm movement. Its not a matter of enjoying the act of digging up dirt. I was deprived of many things due to the TM movement, and I never even stood in his presence. It's just a reality. The man was a parasite.

M I know a man here in M--- whose sister was approached sexually by Mahesh years ago, when they were in TM movement in their 20's. She had been falling in love with a guy her age, while Mahesh made his advances. She and her boyfriend decided to leave the TM group and basically "get out." Mahesh offered them a small private place to fly out on when he heard they were leaving. The plane mysteriously crashed minutes after take off.
My ex husband bought Mahesh's old helicopter (during the time we were not in Mahesh's favor.) the helicopter got shipped to Florida from Holland. Our pilot went down to Florida to fly it to NC, and almost died because it had been jimmied with. The only reason he is alive is because he knew from his time in Israel how to land a copter whose tail rotor had fallen off. 
Our breaks on our vehicles in NC were cut when we returned to get our stuff at our homes.
The guru was not benign lets just say.


I know that the above is a can of worms for the K’s out there, but what the heck, I want to let people know, what L says is true.

K If those stories are true, I'm sorry you guys had those experiences. But it is sadder that you choose to spend so much time re-living them. Go out and live life. And if you are haunted by these experiences, see a therapist. We all have bad experiences. Some worse than others. But life is for living. Where we put our attention is a choice. And what we dwell on. we become. No offense intended.

M K you are absolutely correct. In addition, the beauty of connecting on FB can be to share and swap stories, both beautiful and painful. While most of my life is now swept up in the throws of very different subject matter, it is amazing to look back up my river and see how the waters shaped the rocks. I imagine for L and others who were raised from birth in the movement that the processing and de- programming may last longer than for myself, and I honor and respect this process, as it is a deep awakening into what feels right to the depth of one's soul. And soul matters are of great importance and value, and worthy of deep reflection. Therefore let us all listen and share our perspectives, as you have, such that we may further each others' path toward understanding.

My reason for sharing is I don't want anyone to live through what I did and to reveal the monsterous lies that are being taught to children and adults alike. The children are more susceptible in some ways as beliefs become almost intractable if swallowed young. Also, very creative and innocent minds can end up in trouble too. Both of those wonderful qualities in people being used against them I find monsterous!! TMO needs a god dam warning label like any powerful drug!!!

M... Gotta say my evidence is not anecdotal -- I lived it. 
I can even give names on the stories of others, but prefer to respect others' privacy.
Bottom line is, I am not a part of any TM bashing group, and actually do not regularly spend my energy in this way, but I see many still are hopping out of the hot water cauldron, and if I can cheer them on, I certainly will..:-))
For those that choose to keep swimming in the hot water, god bless, cause it must still feel good and that's an authentic choice as well.
L’s thread does peak my interest, and while I've held my tongue for a decade or so, I find it quite fun to make fun of my own past and my own gullibility, I totally cannot believe what I believed, I suppose..:-))
Side note: beyond the attempts on our lives and our finances from Mahesh, I'd say the saddest part was hearing Mahesh yell at D  on the phone abusively. That sure the hell is not anecdotal -- I was there listening. No one deserves that, for choosing to have a child and get married. Or being in Vlodrop and experiencing being "excommunicated" in that environment ... That sure the hell isn't anecdotal either. And at the time none of those abuses were even very funny. Just saying'

yeah ... well anyhow let's all just say, a certain chord has been struck with L's post, cause this is a long thread and probably the most and longest I have ever commented on FB to anyone's anything...love to you all, and now I'd better get back to that thing I call the present most immediate life

F Wow!! I accept that everyone here approaches the subject from a different angle, but I am going to try to nut this out. We're are talking about a powerful group of people with a massive following and it's not just America and India. We're talking about wave after wave of children being born into a non-reality where all sorts of abuses take place, including sexual, physical, spiritual, emotional, ritual and mental abuse. If it weren't for those people who continue to make information available on the internet, whether they repeat themselves or not, I would have never even made contact with another single ex-TMer. The most important thing here is children. And if we were to shift our focus away from a problem which continues to destroy lives before they even begin, that would be highly negligent. And yes K, I see a therapist. Have seen one for more than half of my life. You cant tell a quadraplegic to get up and walk, in the same way you can't tell a survivor of childhood trauma to just move on with life. There are many handicaps.

L Thank you for that wonderful perspective. You left out "At that time he probably wasn't enlightened yet, there are many stories of him reading people's minds, he just couldn't with Tina." My response "He was trying to exert authority and establish who was in control of the house and he was probably pissed she talked with him like he was just a normal dude." LOL 

Friday, November 09, 2012

SH*T RU'S SAY

Comedic Dogma from TM SGAs (Second Generation Adults).
Thanks to Lanie, Soangela and Chamolie!

Showcases crazy-making thought-stopping techniques of a TM-based upbringing.





(Do any other post-TM women, besides me, avoid pastel shawls?)

Enjoy!

Jai to Freedom!


Saturday, June 12, 2010

Getting Out of the Mindset

As requested, this is a duplicate post from today's post on Gina's personal blog, Getting Out of the Mindset

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A young adult (identity withheld on request) sent an email titled “Getting out of the mindset.” In an extensive self-revelatory and reflective message, this young adult explained having been born and raised in the TM community of Fairfield, Iowa, educated K-12 in Maharishi School of the Age of Enlightenment (MSAE) including some time at Maharishi University of Management (MUM).

While grateful for the deep connections of close friends in the precious home community, this person’s doubts about TM’s validity spurred personal searching into the background of TM and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. This person concluded that TM is not what the teachings portray. The young adult wrote of the ensuing personal liberation from a restrictive mindset, “ever since I have been skeptical of about every idea I have, realizing it may or may not be true. Once you embrace that idea you become more powerful, you have more control over your mind and your life, and I have become a happier, smarter, more understanding person because of it.”

This person sent an email because, “Since this first big anti-TM event I have still been unable to completely free myself of the TM doctrine... and still hold some concept that TM might be special.... Indoctrination is frightening, and letting go of world views you have had since you were old enough to understand them is a tough process.. I keep wanting to move out of Fairfield but the utopian style community the movement has established here is hard to escape. I have many, many friends who I love dearly here, and to leave them behind is a scary thought. What saddens me is that most of my friends are still in the TM mindset to some degree. None of them take it very seriously but it still remains in the back of their head that TM is special, jyotish can tell them what will happen in their lives, and that nature can "support" certain things they do. If you have any interesting stories or points to relate to me about my process of escape I would love to hear them! The topic interests me a lot.”

Name withheld by request
Full email not reproduced here at the writer’s request; only a few pertinent quotes included above.

Gina’s comment to readers of this blog: I am neither a professional exit counselor, nor therapist. I hold a deep respect for the potential of existential and psychological crisis when one questions all they have been raised to believe, and the community they love. Many from the TM Movement have been close to others’ psychotic breaks or suicide attempts when the duress of such personal crisis hits. Thus, I avoid acting in a therapeutic role and do not accept clients for cult recovery assistance. Professionals in the field of cult recovery are linked to the right on this blog. The young adult, above, already formed personal conclusions about involvement with the TM Movement. The writer, previously unknown to me, requested personal stories about leaving TM. My response follows.

Hello _____,

Thank you for your kind and heartfelt letter.  I sigh deeply.

You are intelligent and independent thinking.  Good for you!  Your compassionate self and social analysis will serve you well in life!

Your anguish is real.  It is hard to leave a utopian community and mindset.  Oh so hard. However, in a true utopia, you would not fear reprisal from expressing your own opinions. The outside world is not so scary, not tomasic, not full of rakshasas as you have been told.  However, you will never again find the "instant community" of enmeshed, almost extended family, to which you are accustomed in Fairfield. 

You CAN, with time, develop meaningful friendships and deep connections, with others outside of Fairfield.  You can meet others who are willing to question themselves, share discussions of same, and support one another in finding one's own path of integrity through life.  However, the bonds are not instant. Unlike cult life, healthy bonds are not instantaneous. True connection develops over time, sharing consistently with integrity, and with acceptance of differing opinions.

It is true -- you will never find the intensity of social closeness... e.g. enmeshment... that you experience in Fairfield, unless you join another cult!

Fairfield IS a special place, but it is not totally unique. Other cult based communities offer their version of the same social dynamics in which you were raised. There is a range of group-think within Fairfield, as you well know. This is also a common phenomenon in neighborhoods surrounding other cult communities throughout the world.

It is normal to be anxious about losing your loved ones and family from expressing your opinion in a cult setting. In a noncult setting, it is extremely abnormal to have such anxiety. you have normal responses to an abnormal situation. It can be frustrating to have circuitous thought-stopping conversations that return forever to TM, Ayurveda, and jyotish to solve everything. You probably don't want to hurt the feelings of those you love by directly saying "That's ridiculous!"

You are correct, in my opinion -- once you embrace the ability to question EVERYTHING -- you become more personally "powerful".. thus the name of my blog "Coming to Life."

I respect your desire for anonymity, as your social and professional connections remain TM and Fairfield based. Some of those whom I love in Fairfield are well aware of my online activism against the TMOrg and Maharishi’s leadership; others have ended our friendship over my outspokenness. You see, one is predicted to fail if they leave the deemed support of the deemed-utopia. Instead, others and myself have succeeded on the outside. What greater threat could there be?

You requested personal stories of “escape.” In that vein, I offer a bit of personal experience. You may find it helpful.

I, too, dearly love the Fairfield community. I was the first 'ru to graduate from Fairfield High School in 1975, before MIU prep began a middle school or high school. My daughter attended K-2nd grade at MIU Prep (MSAE's precursor). We will always miss the idealistic "loving" community that you call home.

Like avoiding social heroin, we could never again live in such a restrictive setting. And like a recovered heroin addict, we will always miss the addictive high of our former community’s enmeshment. Truly, there are many in Fairfield who I love deeply and forever. I will not name them. You and I must know many of the same people.

The only resources that I can offer you, are those linked on my blogsite. You can, of course, reach toward the "extended TM family” of the grown kids who left. They help one another throughout the world. In most major cities in the US there are small groups of young adults who come from Fairfield. They support one another.  I don't have a listing of such.  It's not my place to disclose who I'm in touch with.  You could ask around for contacts, perhaps older siblings of your friends.   As you know, there is a range of continued belief in TM and Maharishi. Many former TMers follow Amachi or other gurus.  Some joined born-again Christian groups or the Mormons to provide instant community.

I suggest that you apply to a non-TM university somewhere. You will sharpen your mind while developing relationships with other motivated young adults and university faculty based upon a commonality of interests, rather than based upon adoption of another’s dogma.

Obviously from my online voice, I've rejected most of the TMO official teachings and lifestyle.  My home even has a south facing entrance!  I still prefer natural fiber clothing and a healthy lifestyle. I still like Indian food! Unlike many TM kids, I've never been a rebellious party-animal.

After leaving Fairfield, my (now grown) children were raised with swim team, little league and the Boy Scouts in an upper middle class suburb.  We've made lifelong friends with amazing people who never heard of Maharishi, other than "Oh, the Beatles followed him briefly!".  We spent some time with Unity church, to give my children a respect for open spirituality.  No more church or spiritual labels, now that the kids are grown.  My grown children live honest lives of integrity; they do not attend church. Yes, it was immensely difficult for me to learn to connect with non-TMers, to consciously eliminate my TM-based vocabulary and worldview. But it is possible. If I could do it without cult recovery information and resources, and no other ex-TMers to assist, then you certainly can succeed! I suggest accessing professional cult-recovery resources; your adjustment will be much smoother with the information that is now readily available.

My father died last year in fantasy TM-think, after decades of needless pain while paying for costly TM cures through yagyas, ayurveda, jyotish, mystical talisman gemstones and other such. My aging mother continues the same vein while spouting Maharishi-isms.  I couldn't tell you how my adult-kids cope with the extremes cult-think or non-cult from their parents. My grown kids (3rd generation TMers) tease me as being part of the "ACC" (Anti-Cult Cult). I’ve told them to be careful because, “cult think / social enmeshment is our family illness.” Be wary of false flattery. Trust others’ behaviors over their words or kisses.

The International Cultic Studies Association runs workshops for those born or raised in cults - Second Generation Adults (SGAs), that’s you and me.  The ICSA workshop for SGAs could help you sort things out, without providing another dogma. My adult daughter found one SGA workshop helpful, even though she left Fairfield at the age of 10; she is really a 3rd generation.  For info on those workshops, click HERE. ICSA also has SGA mini-workshops associated with their annual international conferences, the next one will be in New York City this summer, for information on the NYC conference, click HERE.

Good for you - to access resources to help you reflect back onto your community.   Breaking free is a lonely process, compared to the seeming validation of group-think, but you will ultimately be stronger and more real. As Shakespeare wrote, “This above all: to thine ownself be true and it shall follow as the day the night - thou can’st not then be false to any man.” That’s the bottom line.

Coming to your own perspective on YOU, your community and your life is an important step in claiming your autonomous adulthood!  We must make difficult choices as we move forward into autonomous adulthood.  Sounds like you may be on the verge of such a step!

Let me know if you visit the Bay Area.  I'd be happy to take you out for lunch or coffee.

You are intelligent and determined - you will make it!

With admiration and respect.  

Warmly, 
Gina :)

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Sunday, January 25, 2009

ICSA Orlando Workshop for People Born or Raised in Cultic Groups - REGISTER NOW. PLEASE TELL OTHERS.

I wish that a workshop, such as posted below, existed twenty some years ago when I left the TMO. Learning outside life on my own took quite a while, with many mistakes. Please pass this information to others raised in cults. TMFree does not maintain an official relationship with the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA). We offer this information as a service for our readers. Complete workshop information can be found at the links in this post. Gina personally knows the professionals running this workshop. They are professional, kind, knowledgeable and supportive. Working with them, and meeting others also raised in cult-type groups, can be of great help to those trying to make life on their own after leaving their family/cult.

*************

International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)
Surviving and Moving On After a High Demand Group Experience
A Workshop for Second-Generation Former Members

Friday 3:00 p.m. April 17, 2009 to Sunday 2:00 p.m. April 19, 2009

Canterbury Retreat and Conference Center, 1601 Alafaya Trail, Oviedo, FL 32765 (407-365-5571)

Online Information and Registration: Copy and paste the following URL into your browser:

http://icsahome.com/infoserv_conferences/Workshops/2009_SGA_FL.asp

The International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) has run workshops for former members of high-demand, "cultic" groups for many years. In recent years increasing numbers of people born or raised in such groups (i.e., "second generation adults" - SGAs) have attended these workshops. These ex-members have special needs, which can be most effectively addressed through a workshop that focuses on them. SGAs do not have a "pre-cult identity" to which they can return. SGAs raised in fringe subcultures have to learn the implicit rules and expectations of mainstream culture. SGAs frequently have educational and other skill deficits that interfere with adjustment to mainstream culture. Having grown up in high-control groups that are often based on irrational belief systems, SGAs tend to struggle with issues of dependency, self-esteem, and social conflict. Because many SGAs were physically or sexually abused, they often have to deal with anger, resentment, and other emotions related to trauma. SGAs have difficulty getting help because they tend to lack finances and be wary of other people, including helpers.

This workshop will address the needs of SGAs through a series of brief didactic presentations (supplemented by written handouts) followed by discussions, to which attendees may contribute according to their comfort levels. Specifically, the workshop will address:

* critical thinking
* socialization, culture shock, and acculturation
* psychological development, child abuse and neglect, parenting styles, boundaries, and trust
* long-term psychological, educational, and emotional effects of growing up in a culture of abuse and neglect
* relationships with families and others

This workshop has been made possible by special donations and the willingness of facilitators to volunteer large amounts of their time. Without the dedication of these people, registration fees would be much higher than what is listed below. The donations cover a substantial portion of the total cost. Therefore, the fees listed below reflect a significant discount. Because many SGAs struggle economically, additional financial assistance is available for those in need. If you would like to apply for financial assistance, please contact ICSA.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Thirty Years Later - the next generation's satire

A generational cohort of "kids" raised in TM and Fairfield are now in their thirties and younger.
They continue to support one another with friendships forged through shared confusion.

An insightful myspace site unites them after leaving childhood "utopia" to enter the "world of ignorance."

Myspace profile for "Children of the Golden Spaceships"

Read comments, view videos of Lynch w/ Raja while listening to Mother Divine voices - for shared memories, frustration, and looney loved ones still captured in group-think.

Be sure to scroll down their site for enlightening videos and comments!

Some "kids"continue familial devotion to Maharishi, blaming Movement dysfunction upon TM's administrative space-cadettes.

Others are angry about MVED's slick scam which governed their lives.

By and large, their lifelong friendships support one another across the belief spectrum.

While I am not of this cohort (I preceded them & babysat during their preschool years), all can appreciate enlightened satire!

Enjoy! Enlightenment at its finest!

Myspace profile for "Children of the Golden Spaceships"

AND.. more tongue-in-cheek! Myspace profile for Maharishi Mahesh Yogi - while Donovan sings "Hurdy Gurdy Man" and links to our long-lost "family"!

g :)

Friday, January 25, 2008

Devotion

Devotional Video honoring Maharishi's Message January 2008, Maharishi European Research University, Vlodrop, The Netherlands

Victory Day Celebration October 2007, Vlodrop, The Netherlands
(MUST SEE! Rajas performing group puja!)

Guru Purnima celebration July 2007, Maharishi University of Management, Fairfield, Iowa USA


Universal Love and Peace by 2012
An Interview with John Briganti from Maharshi TM Center in Beverly Hills, California

Monday, October 29, 2007

ADULT CHILDREN OF CULT MEMBERS

The therapeutic needs of adult children of cult members (ACOCMs) are quite different from those of cult members who joined as adults. The primary task of an adult cult member in recovery is to reconnect with his or her persona as it existed before joining the cult. An ACOCM, who was exposed to a cult from birth or before 14 years old, has no pre-cult identity to fall back on. Their plight has received much less attention from cult scholars until recently.

In my work with therapy clients who are adult children of cult members (ACOCMs), I have been struck by the similarities of their characteristics and those of adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs). I was drawn to explore this connection because I observed that many adult children appeared to protect their parents from any blame for what my clients endured as children — and continue to suffer as adults. This tendency is very prevalent among ACOAs and has been noted in the literature for years. The more I researched ACOAs, the more parallels I found.

The items below are adapted freely from similar characteristic lists publicly available for ACOAs. I also wish to gratefully acknowledge Gina Catena, MS, herself an ACOCM, for her patience, generosity, and persistence in offering her insights and suggestions, as well as allowing me the privilege of reviewing an unpublished manuscript on ACOCMs. It was Ms. Catena that pointed out the central similarity between addiction psychology and cultic abuse psychology: In time, an addiction comes to determine one's total life direction; in time, a cultic obsession/compulsion can similarly restrict a cultic relationship. I must also thank my clients who have all been a source of inspiration for me in so many ways.

It is also important to note that the International Cultic Studies Association asserts that addiction psychology does not reflect the themes of cultic abuse psychology. (Also, they use the term "Second-Generation Adults" to refer to adult children. I do not use this term because it is not easily understood by readers outside of an academic audience.) While I respect and admire the research and history of ICSA, my observations have led me to different conclusions, and I hope to write more on this topic in the near future.

Below I outline the challenges facing adult children that I've observed — along with corresponding strengths they appear to exhibit. I also include tasks I believe they must accomplish to recover from their cultic relationships.

I caution readers from treating the items below as a laundry list of symptoms — and, at that, drawn from a fairly small and narrow group of individuals. Many of my clients have left Transcendental Meditation, because of my background with TM, but others have left other, similar groups. I observe similarities in the challenges veterans of all these groups face. I, however, am not aware of any research on this topic, so please treat this material as a starting point for discussion and research only. Please also note that no clients exhibit all these characteristics.

Characteristics of Adult Children of Cult Members


  1. Challenge: Some adult children of cult members (ACOCMs) may tend to feel sorry for their parents, feeling they were not to blame for their cult involvement. In fact, the adult child may see parents as victims that he or she needs to protect. The ACOCM may have been parentified at an early age, becoming responsible for adult tasks because the cult member parents were not capable of performing them.

    Strengths: Adult children may tend to "take charge" of their lives.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To reclaim the appropriate emotions, desires, and experiences that they may have missed as children.

    • To allow significant others to care for them when appropriate.

    • To learn to see parents as flawed human beings who have made both healthy and unhealthy choices in their lives — and who must take responsibility for changing any dysfunctional behaviors.


  2. Challenge: Some adult children may be isolated from friends, family, and community.

    Strength: These individuals may form independent, self-reliant lives at an early age.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To avoid unnecessary emotional cutoffs of family and friends.

    • To see family and friends as complete human beings — with both strengths and weaknesses — and to love them for who they are and what they can give us.


  3. Challenge: Some adult children may fear taking part in groups, no matter how benign, such as churches or self-help groups.

    Strength: Society needs its independent thinkers. Intelligent, sensitive outsiders have had unique viewpoints to offer others throughout history — think Buckminster Fuller, Nikola Tesla.

    Recovery Task:
    • To distinguish between coercive groups, which threaten one's self-knowledge and identity, and benign, supportive groups, which can be valuable emotional supports.


  4. Challenge: ACOCMs may fear authority figures. This may lead to difficulties in keeping and holding jobs, completing education, and so forth.

    Strength: The ability to question authority appropriately and by conscious choice can lead to strong personal beliefs — especially having survived lifelong coercive techniques.

    Recovery Task:
    • To learn when challenging authority can lead to productive outcomes — and when it will not.


  5. Challenge: ACOCMs may seek the approval of others more than adults who did not grow up in a cult.

    Strength: ACOCMs may use appropriate recognition for their efforts as a spur to ambition and achievement in their lives.

    Recovery Task:
    • To learn to "check in" with oneself and recognize when seeking the approval of others conflicts with meeting one's own needs and desires.


  6. Challenge: ACOCMs may be unsure of their identity, core values, likes and dislikes having had dysfunctional cult beliefs forced on them from childhood.

    Strength: Adult children may be more likely to consciously examine their core values — leading to a thoughtful approach to life.

    Recovery Task:
    • To explore, as an adult, values and beliefs that will form a strong, functional core identity — a task usually completed during childhood and adolescence.


  7. Challenge: ACOCMs may be frightened by angry people, strong emotions, or those who express themselves forcefully.

    Strengths: Adult children may be sensitive to imposing conflict on others — a strength in interpersonal relations.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To learn to assert one's needs and desires productively when appropriate.

    • To learn to be comfortable when others assert themselves.

    • To know when conflict crosses the line into aggression, which is healthy to avoid.


  8. Challenge: ACOCMs may be especially sensitive to even slight personal criticism due to harsh judgments thrust on them growing up in a totalist cult. Adult children may have a tendency toward crippling perfectionism.

    Strength: A quest for excellence can spur one to achieving great things.

    Recovery Task:
    • Develop a clear-eyed appraisal of one's abilities that allows one to excel — without hindering one with unachievable expectations or self-defeating behaviors.


  9. Challenge: Adult children may judge themselves harshly. They may suffer from low self-esteem.

    Strength: Such individuals can learn to have a balanced appraisal of their strengths and weaknesses.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To learn not to "disqualify the positive," in Aaron T. Beck's phrase.

    • To learn to value themselves.


  10. Challenge: Cult leaders do not recognize boundaries and tend to create environments in which everything exists to serve them. As a result, ACOCMs may be raised by parents who have trouble drawing appropriate boundaries. This may carry on to the next generation: ACOCMs may have trouble recognizing boundaries. Some ACOCM's were raised with loose or highly rigid sexual rules, which can interfere with adult intimacy and healthy boundaries.

    Strength: Once channeled, the ability to be flexible with boundaries is an important skill for family and intimate relationships.

    Recovery Task:
    • To successfully develop intimacy, without becoming enmeshed inappropriately with others.


  11. Challenge: Because we learn what we live growing up, ACOCMs may become emotionally attached to other cult members, alcoholics, or other compulsive personalities, such as workaholics, to fill needs created when their parents abandoned them.

    Strength: Adult children may be especially successful at "healing relationships" — relationships in which both members bear significant wounds, but who work to heal each other through compassion and commitment.

    Recovery Task:
    • To learn to value relationships free from compulsions.


  12. Challenge: ACOCMs may view themselves as a victims — and be attracted to similar weaknesses in their friendships and love relationships. They may feel a need to "rescue" others. They may be attracted to helping and healing professions.

    Strengths: Society holds helpers and healers in special esteem.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To learn to meet one's own needs first, before inappropriately trying to rescue others.

    • Also see item "k."


  13. Challenge: ACOCMs may tend to confuse love and pity.

    Strength: This tendency can be the basis for developing a mature sense of empathy.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To avoid pity, which can trap one into a feeling of superiority.

    • To develop relationships founded on mutual respect.


  14. Challenge: Totalist cults tend to indoctrinate their members with inappropriate, unachievable missions to save the world. ACOCMs may feel a restless need to "make a difference in society" — to "save the world."

    Strength: Blessed are the peacemakers, the visionaries, the dreamers.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To channel these high aspirations into achievable goals — possibly working with established organizations.

    • To reframe goals to apply within manageable limits, such as working with family, friends, and neighbors, or otherwise size one's aspirations to match one's abilities.


  15. Challenge: Adult children may have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. It may be easier for one to help others than it is to help oneself. This enables some ACOCMs to avoid looking closely at their own faults and needs.

    Strength: Matured and modified, the impulse to caretake can form a solid basis for work in the helping and healing fields.

    Recovery Task:
    • To acknowledge those things one is truly responsible for, that is events and actions that one can realistically change, while learning to let go of things that are the responsibilities of others.


  16. Challenge: ACOCMs may feel guilty when they stand up for themselves, instead of giving in to others.

    Strength & Recovery Task:
    • See discussion on assertiveness in item "g."


  17. Challenge: Because they grew up surrounded by the chaos of constantly changing and capricious demands in a cult, ACOCMs may become addicted to excitement. They may be prone to addictive behaviors, such as spending sprees, gambling, drugs, promiscuity, alcohol, and other compulsions.

    Strength: Many people who achieve greatness are driven by a desire to explore new places, ideas, people.

    Recovery Task:
    • To channel the need for excitement into a creative, not destructive, force in one's life.


  18. Challenge: Some adult children have strong needs for order and control in their lives because these were lacking in their childhoods.

    Strength: The ability to organize and prioritize can be important assets for success in life.

    Recovery Task:
    • In the words of Reinhold Niebuhr's famous "Serenity Prayer," to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, the courage to change the things that should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.


  19. Challenge: ACOCMs may not have developed social skills appropriate to living in mainstream culture, having only been exposed to nontraditional social mores within their cult.

    Strength: Like all visitors to a foreign land, adult children may, in time, develop a unique understanding of and sensitivity to social customs that others merely take for granted.

    Recovery Task:
    • To consciously develop manners, attitudes, habits of their newly adopted culture: mainstream society.


  20. Challenge: ACOCMs may have stuffed their feelings, particularly anger and abandonment, from their traumatic childhoods. Strong emotions that are ignored and unexpressed can lead to a host of psychological and physical ills in later life.

    Strength: The ability to compartmentalize, when under conscious control, can be an important survival technique in career, education, and family life.

    Recovery Task:
    • To learn to express feelings appropriately, productively, gracefully in or near the moment that they occur.


  21. Challenge: Adult children may have lost — or never developed — the ability to feel or express their feelings because it hurts so much. They may live in denial or have nearly delusional beliefs about their lives, their abilities, or their place in society.

    Strength & Recovery Task:
    • See item "t."


  22. Challenge: ACOCMs may tend to be dependent on others and be unusually fearful of abandonment. They may suffer from a series of unstable love and friendship relationships. Their abandonment may spring from what it felt like to live in an unhealthy family with people who were never there for them emotionally.

    Strength: Adult children may feel extraordinary compassion for the emotional needs of others because of the extremes they experienced.

    Recovery Task:
    • To learn emotional management strategies that allow adult children to fulfill more of their own needs.


  23. Challenge: ACOCMs may tend to be reactors rather than actors in their own life. This may be due to the need to anticipate the chaotic emotions of parents and cult leaders to emotionally survive childhood.

    Strength: Adult children may be strongly intuitive about the needs and feelings of others.

    Recovery Tasks:
    • To learn to be Self-centered rather than other-centered.

    • To learn to recognize and express one's own needs, feelings, and values while also truly valuing others'.


  24. Challenge: Just as children of alcoholics experience alcoholism as a family disease, ACOCMs may continue to express the characteristics of cult members — even long after they have left their family's cult.

    Strength & Recovery Task:
    • Adult children may be in a unique position to consciously decide which cult-based values and beliefs they want to honor — and which they wish to discard.


Loosely adapted from Characteristics of the Problems of ALANONs and ACOAs, with gratefully acknowledged additions and corrections from Gina Catena, MS and my clients.

John M. Knapp, LMSW
KnappFamilyCounseling.com