Showing posts with label side effects. Show all posts
Showing posts with label side effects. Show all posts

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Readers' Open Thread on Transcendental Meditation

Season's Greetings from TM-Free.Blog!

It's time for an open thread. You, the reader, get to choose the topic, whether serious or light-hearted. What's on your mind about TM?

I've got a few thoughts on my mind too, so I'll start the ball rolling.

1. Who designed those awful crowns? They look like Old King Cole crowns, nothing like the crowns real monarchs wear. Are they solid gold? Are the rajas embarrassed to wear them? Are they embarrassed to wear those funny gowns? Do they realize the outfits look absurd on everyone, and especially on overweight men? And what's with the white cloth in the interior of the crowns?

2. I finally understand that TM isn't a dessert topping, but - is it a religion, or is it actually a money-making scheme? (I mean, where does all that money for $2,500 initiations go, or the $4,000 for the yagyas? Where did the money from the "Million Dollar Course" go?) Or is it actually a political world order scheme? Or is it Mahesh's attempt to be very important? Or was it his attempt to make the whole world happy? or spiritual? Or what the heck???

3. Mahesh experimented on TMers in order to develop the TM-Sidhis program. He instituted the "Six Month Course" and the "Age of Enlightenment Course" where he tried out various meditation techniques until he came up with what he called the TM-Sidhis. My question is, as human guinea pigs, was anyone injured on those courses? And what became of them?

Those are my musings. What's on your mind?

Monday, September 20, 2010

Increased Stress through the Transcendental Meditation program. Part 2 of 2: Live Chaotically and be a Guinea Pig

(This is a two-part series. To read Part 1, "Increased Stress through the Transcendental Meditation program. Part 1of 2: Rushing, Lack of Stimulation and Guilt-Induction, " please go to the TM-Free Blog essay posted on June 22, 2010.)

On the Creating Coherence Course, our lives were chaotic. Interspersed with the boredom described in Part 1 of this series were sudden upheavals.

For example, one day the announcement is made: "You will all be moving to different dorms." No matter that we had settled into our mini-apartments, made friends, organized our schedules. Out you go!

One day Maharishi announces that we should form into groups of ten, and move to different American cities to spread TM. (This was the "Vedic Atom" program.) Those of us who "followed Maharishi's wishes" uprooted ourselves from our homes, friends, jobs, schedules, community in Fairfield. Moved to a strange city. Received a whole new set of rules to live by. For instance, teams were directed to do everything together. One friend on a "Vedic Atom" team wrote me that when one of them needed a new pair of shoes, all ten of them had to go to the shoe store together! Her letter guardedly hinted at how stressful her new life was, how unhappy she was.

Another time, Maharishi announced that everyone who could should promptly fly to India for a month or two to study Indian herbology. (This was the beginning of the Maharishi Ayurveda program.) Again, uprooting, leaving behind friends, homes, jobs, schedules, community. Once in India, my friends sat in hot humid halls barely able to hear the lecturers, and contracted tropical diseases. One friend who had obediently gone to India confided to me that her disease was so obscure that the local doctors couldn't even diagnose it. Therefore she had to get up at 2 a.m. for several weeks in order to drive 40 minutes to a medical clinic to provide a fresh stool sample. I never did hear of the TM organization reimbursing her for her medical expenses or giving her a lighter work schedule during the time she was sick.

Then there was the time Maharishi came to Fairfield and paid a visit to our meditation hall to see how his flying technique was coming along. As was usual, we screamed and babbled during the "flying." Maharishi asked in annoyance, "What's all this noise?! From now on, no more noise." ("Except for the occasional squeal of bliss," Bevan later amended.) This meant, in a day filled with silence, sensory deprivation, lack of aerobic activity, minimal socializing and rigid rules, we were suddenly deprived of 60 minutes a day of letting off steam. (Did you ever read about the Christian monks who took vows of silence, but sang hymns each day? When the hymn-singing was eliminated, the monks developed clinical depression.)

Then there was the time I returned to Fairfield after a two-week vacation to discover that my job had been given to someone else.

A few weeks after that, Maharishi announced that henceforth we should think an affirmation every morning. It went something like this: "Let us go together, let us be together, let us eat together, let us think together. Never shall we denounce one another; never shall we entertain negativity." Also, he instructed us, "Everybody must be fabulously happy! That's all!" We were guinea pigs in his new program. Had we voluntarily joined? Had we been screened? Were we trained how to do them? Had they been proven safe? Would anyone assist us if we found them harmful? No, no, no, no and no. Nevertheless, we attempted to "never denounce anyone," which I believe constricted our expressiveness; and we tried to "not entertain negativity," which I believe suppressed our emotions. We tried to "be fabulously happy," which I believe got us out of touch with our feelings. Is it any wonder that some of us started having anxiety attacks?

Yes, proponents of Transcendental Meditation state that one of its greatest benefits is that it reduces stress. While the TM technique itself may reduce stress, the TM lifestyle that Maharishi directed us to follow increased stress in numerous areas of our lives.

How about you? What were your experiences of stress in the TM world? How did you deal with the rules? How did you hold up under the stress? What did you think about it all? If you'd like, share your thoughts and memories with us below.

Friday, March 19, 2010

My friend's doctor recommended Transcendental Meditation

My new friend Sherry told me that her M.D. had recently recommended that she learn either Transcendental Meditation or the Relaxation Response to improve her health. Sherry checked out the local TM center, but felt the ambiance there was too "weird and culty" so she decided not to learn TM.

It started me thinking. What would be an appropriate thing to say to a doctor who suggested that their patients learn TM? I have come up with my own answer. Would you like to develop your own response in the "Comments" section? Or, best of all, would you like to edit and improve my little lecture? Maybe together we can come up with an optimum response. Then you could print it out for your doctor if you want to.

To start the ball rolling, here is my first draft:

1) One can learn the Relaxation Response for free from a library book. Learning TM costs $1,500. (Links to websites needed.)

2) Much of the money you give the TM organization (TMO) goes to making the family of the founder wealthy and powerful. (Links to websites needed.)

3) The research on the benefits of TM is flawed. Experimental design is often biased to make TM look good. Outside research shows that other techniques of meditation are effective, but the TMO does not disseminate that information. Some people receive no benefits from TM and occasionally people are harmed by TM, but the TMO does not disseminate that information either. (Links to websites needed.)

4) The TMO encourages TM students to get more deeply involved in the TM world: to spend lots of money on retreats, advanced techniques, TM ayurvedic medicines, TM rituals, TM astrology, etc. Not only can students end up spending lots of money and time on TM products, they are encouraged to assume a lifestyle which can extend to diet, celibacy, what to wear, where to live, what to believe, etc. (Links to websites needed.)

5) Some people may object to the religious nature of TM: its mantras are names of Hindu gods, the ceremony during personal instruction includes praising and bowing down to Hindu gods, and its belief system is contrary to Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Humanism, and probably other religions. There are no religious objections to the Relaxation Response technique. (Links to websites needed.)

Can you help improve upon this first draft?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

More Thoughts on Recovering from Transcendental Meditation

Here are a few questions that I thought were interesting to ponder. I have written my own answers below. I invite you to think about your own experiences, and if you'd like, to share your stories. Anonymous replies are fine!

1. Did you experience problems due to TM? If so, what were they?

After I left TM, I experienced extreme anxiety and depression. I also had "floating" episodes, where I reverted to believing the entire panoply of TM beliefs.

2. What helped you heal?

Learning about "mind control" and how it worked helped a lot. I did lots of reading. Discovering how easy it is to induce an altered state of reduced critical thinking in someone was pivotal.

Also, for many years I attended a monthly support group for former cult members. This was extremely helpful. Also, I attended a few cult recovery conferences.

Two linchpins that continued to keep my anxiety, depression and floating alive even after 20 years of working to recover from TM were (1) the belief that I was making a serious mistake by not doing TM, and (2) my belief that Maharishi was superhuman and therefore should be followed. When I discovered the internet, I read anti-TM websites. There I learned that researchers had lied about the benefits of TM, and that people who knew Maharishi on a personal level reported what a flawed human being he was. These two pieces of information broke the grip of belief. It was stuff I couldn't have learned no matter how much I read about mind control.

Also, for years I had been looking for other former TM teachers to compare notes with. Finding TM-Free Blog was a blessing for me. When I finally had other former TMers to share my stories with, I ceased obsessively carrying them around in my head, and my TM beliefs finally left.

Psychotherapy was extremely helpful in providing support and grounding and helping my general mood and life issues, but only somewhat helpful around the TM stuff.

3. What didn't help you heal?

I got voluntary exit counseling about 10 years after leaving TM, but it really didn't help much. Perhaps that was because I had already learned most of the stuff they were telling me, mostly about mind control, I think.

4.What well-meaning advice did people give you that did not help you heal?

At one of the cult-recovery conferences I attended, we had a panel of priests, ministers and rabbis who tried to answer our questions about spirituality. One of the panelists started waxing euphoric about how humans are by nature spiritual, and how God loves us. I shuffled restlessly and started dissociating as I was lectured at. Fortunately I wasn't the only one. One former cult member interrupted him and said, "This isn't helpful to us. We were spiritually fucked by these organizations. Some of us were physically fucked too. It is not helpful for us to have to sit through you lecturing us about this." She did go on to explain, (correctly I believe,) that after leaving a cult, a person is best off avoiding religion for a few years, until they are capable of not "floating," and ended by saying, "If there really is a God out there who is all-knowing and all-compassionate, then He knows what I've gone through, and He isn't going to be offended if I keep away from religion for as many years as it takes for me to heal."

Another well-meaning person, a minister-in-training whom I met at a Unitarian-Universalist retreat (i.e. she should have known better, in my opinion) listened to my agonized story of my flashbacks, anxiety, depression, confusion, etc. and wrote me a letter about the value of forgiveness and of letting go, and how "holding on" and not learning from one's mistakes keeps one from moving on. I think she was upset by my still being in so much pain after 9 years. I felt judged, criticized, and not understood. I wrote her back explaining that mind control is not a matter of "will" but a physical change in the brain, and that so long as I was still suffering emotionally, and could barely think straight due to brainwashing, it was physically impossible to "forgive" and "put it behind me."

5. Have you ever successfully helped someone heal from their experiences with TM (or from some other group?) What specifically did you do that helped them?

About 5 year after I left TM, I went to a restaurant for dinner with my sister's ex-boyfriend. She and he had been involved in TM together, and we met in order to discuss (i.e., criticize) TM. A woman at the next table came over and introduced herself as a Sidha, and said that she couldn't help overhearing our conversation. I panicked, expecting to be criticized and to start floating, but she soon made clear that she was very unhappy with TM, and was desperately seeking outside support, and a way to get out of TM. We invited her to sit and talk with us, and exchanged phone numbers, and she ended up attending the former cult member support group that I attended.

The former cult member support group had people who had left all sorts of cults, not just TM. One cult I learned about at the group was the Boston Church of Christ. (Not to be confused with the United Church of Christ or the Church of Christ, which are non-cult Protestant denominations.) Soon after, I attended a party, where I met someone who told me that he was starting to get involved with the Boston Church of Christ and "needed to make a soul-impacting decision very soon." It was an easy intervention for me, because he wasn't thoroughly "in"/brainwashed yet. I told him that I knew some people who had been in the BCC, and had left, and had come to realize that it was a destructive cult. I suggested that before he give his life to that church, that he have a chance to hear the other side of the story, and then he could make a more informed decision. He agreed, so I put him in touch with a few former BCC'ers. I am happy to say that after talking with them, he decided the BCC was a destructive organization, and didn't join.

6. Have you ever seriously tried and failed to get someone out of TM (or some other group)? What did you do? What happened? What advice would you give to someone in this position?

I've never had this experience. Lucky me.

7. Anything else you'd like to share from your experiences?

You are all brave and courageous and have all survived a lot! I tip my hat to you all! Please feel free share your thoughts and experiences below, if you'd like.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

The Smoking Gun? Lawyer Alleged Maharishi Knew about Dangers of TM

Sometimes, I forget that not everyone is aware of all the information on the Transcendental Meditation that has been released over the years.

Sunday, I spent some hours being interviewed on my counseling work with former members of the TM Org. I happened to bring one document that amazed the interviewer.

While many former members believe the Maharishi was a "simple monk" who had no idea of the damage meditators were reporting from extended meditations of up to 8 hours a day, below is evidence he knew.

And didn't care.

The interviewer couldn't believe that not only was meditation known by the Maharishi to be dangerous for some individuals, but nothing was done to help such individuals by the Maharishi's "spiritual" movement.

Below is a signed, 1986 affirmation from Attorney Anthony D. DeNaro, equivalent to a sworn affidavit presented to Judge Gasch of the United States District Court for the District of Columbia as part of Robert Kropinsky's civil suit, #85-2848. (You may view the facsimile GIF here.)

In this document, DeNaro alleges -- with force of sworn testimony -- "a very serious and deliberate pattern of fraud, designed ... to misrepresent the TM movement as a science (not as a cult), and fraudulently claim and obtain tax exempt status with the IRS." Further he states that early accreditation of MIU was due to "a clear conflict of interest" on the part of the Chairman of North Central's Commission on Institutions of Higher Education. Other quotes from the affidavit that highlight important themes: "A disturbing denial or avoidance syndrome, and even outright lies and deception, are used to cover-up or sanitize the dangerous reality on campus of very serious nervous breakdowns, episodes of dangerous and bizarre behavior, suicidal and homicidal ideation, threats and attempts, psychotic episodes, crime, depression and manic behavior that often accompanied roundings (intensive group meditations with brainwashing techniques). "The Movement, the defendants, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, WPEC-US, and Maharishi International University (MIU) were so committed to advancing the organization and its ideology that they were, and are, very willing to violate the law and engage in criminal behavior." "I've also read the affidavit of Bevan H. Morris, President of MIU, and find that it is replete with transparently false statements." "The consequences of intensive, or even regular, meditation was so damaging and disruptive to the nervous system, that students could not enroll in, or continue with, regular academic programs." Finally DeNaro clearly believed that the Maharishi personally knew of, and was therefore responsible for, the damge being done in the name of his organizations. "[He] was aware, apparently for some time, of the problem, suicide attempts, assaults, homicidal ideation, serious psychotic episodes, depressions, inter alia[among others], but his general attitude was to leave it alone or conceal it because the community would lose faith in the TM movement. Maharishi had a very cavalier, almost elitist, view about very serious injuries and trauma to meditators. His basic attitude towards the concealment of the religious nature of TM was: 'When America is ready for Hinduism I will tell them.'"

ANTHONY D. DENARO, an attorney admitted to the practice of law in the State of New York, affirms under penalties of perjury that: 1. I reside at 151 Littleworth Lane, Sea Cliff, New York 11579.

2. On or about August 1975 I was invited to the MIU campus in Fairfield, Iowa by Steve Drucker, an attorney at law, who was Executive Vice President of, Maharishi International University.

3. I was hired as a professor of law and economics, and began teaching in September 1975. However, I returned home briefly (Long Island) to complete travel arrangements, arrange to lease our house to tenants, and bring my wife to the campus.

4. Prior to coming to MIU I was a professor of law and economics at Hofstra University, Adelphi University Graduate School, and Cornell University School of Labor and Industrial Relations. I was admitted to practice in New York in 1964, and began teaching law and economics at graduate and undergraduate levels in September 1964.

5. On November 21, 1975 I began work as Director of Grants Administration at MIU, and had over-all responsibility for all of the grants and funding programs including World Plan Executive Council- United States (WPEC-US). I was also legal counsel and reported directly to either Ed Tarabilda, Vice President of Legal Affairs and/or Steve Druker, Executive Vice President. In addition, I had a full time teaching schedule in economics and business law. Prior to coming to MIU I was initiated into the practice of TM. My wife worked at MIU as an administrator and researcher, and we resided in Frat #108. I continued to work as a professor of law and economics until my last day on campus, July 13, 1975.

6. Within a week, after reviewing tax matters and previously submitted grant applications to federal, state and private agencies (public and private) it was obvious to me that organization was so deeply immersed in a systematic, wilful pattern of fraud including tax fraud, lobbying problems and other deceptions, that it was ethically impossible for me to become involved further as legal counsel. I discussed this with Steve Druker, but agreed to remain as Director of Grants provided certain conditions and restrictions were met. In practice, however, because I recognized a very serious and deliberate pattern of fraud, designed, in part, to misrepresent the TM movement as a science (not as a cult), and fraudulently claim and obtain tax exempt status with the IRS, I was a lame duck Director of Grants Administration. The only project I initiated was an internal education program with valid and rigorous academic and scholarly demands. (Not very popular with many of the faculty, who were inclined more towards mysticism than academically sound content). In effect, I was nominally Director of Grants, and when time permitted I attended outside symposia for grants procurement. As noted, the fraud and deceptions vis a vis IRS and government agencies was so systematic and wilful, and known to lawyers Steve Druker and Ed Tarabilda, that it was not ethically possible to work in this capacity. Occassionally[sic], on an ad hoc basis, where the legal issues did not present any ethical question, I was able to render legal service. No part of any information disclosed here is privileged, and was not obtained through an attorney- client relationship.

6.[sic] I continued as professor of law and economics, and nominally (except for a limited, strictly academic proposal) as Director of Grants, and, in effect, quit as legal counsel to MIU and WPEC-US before December 1975.

7. In my capacity as professor, Sy (Seymour) Migdal, Dean of the College of Arts & Sciences and Faculty Affairs tried to exercise improper and academically unsound control over the curricula. Ultimately all of the course content in any discipline was controlled by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Business law and economics was somehow, through some tortured manipulation and drastic tampering with content, supposed to be subordinate to SCI, Science of Creative Intelligence. SCI in reality was a peculiar blend of mysticism, voodoo academics, bastardized Hinduism (bona fide religious Hindus and gurus are appalled by the debasement of a major world religion), hucksterism, pop-philosophy and pseudo-science. For example, in a basic macro-micro economics, first year course, I've been teaching for ten (10) years at Hofstra University, I spent a little time on Irving Fisher (1867-1947), a professor of economics known for his quantity theory of money. Fisher is a useful bridge for understanding John Maynard Keynes. Sy Migdal wanted me to teach some esoteric mysticism Fisher apparently was involved in, and delete the only real economic content of the course. This would be somewhat analogous to teaching about Einstein's stamp-collection or, worse, demon worship, for example, of a pioneering medical researcher like Pasteur. In sum, the course would have little academic merit if Migdal and the Maharishi had their way. The normal criteria and obstacles towards acquiring accreditation from North Central States Associates of Colleges and Universities was surmounted in large measure, to the best of my knowledge and belief, by their association with Paul Silverman, Chairman of North Central's Commission on Institutions of Higher Education. Professor Silverman was a trustee of MIU, a clear conflict of interest. Per letter for distribution to the trustees and others of November 25, 1975, Ed Tarabilda, an attorney, Vice President of Legal Affairs and Secretary to the Board of Trustees, writes that Paul Silverman is being nominated for trustee: "As you know, Paul Silverman serves as the Chairman of North Central's Commission on Instructions of Higher Education, and was very influential in our gaining the status of candidacy for accreditation." Migdal, Druker, Tarabilda and the Maharishi, for example, relied heavily in their contact and relationship with Silverman to acquire accreditation. In reality, the course content, syllabi, course descriptions were so seriously tampered with and camouflaged to make them appear bona fide and academically sound, that a wilful, systematic fraud was present. The course in every discipline, humanities, arts, social and behavioral sciences, and the physical sciences, which had to be subordinate to SCI, were essentially worthless. The final arbiter, who exercised day-to-day control over curricula and content was Maharishi. The control was exercised by telex and telephone even when Maharishi was at MERU in Switzerland or elsewhere. In psychology, the manipulative adulteration and dilution of the course was so substantial, as to constitute a hazard to the usually impressionable and naive students. Maharishi personally told me in early December 1975 that western psychology was "no good" and not "natural." The only course with real academic content, to my knowledge, were the ones I taught, since I insisted on teaching undiluted and unfiltered economics and law without the over-riding ideology of SCI. It is inconceivable that the curricula and course materials could have received proper scrutiny and evaluation by the accreditation committee.

9. The deliberate pattern and practice of fraud, deceit and misrepresentation by knowledgeable, aware, educated and intelligent people, including lawyers, Tarabilda and Druker in tax (IRS) matters, corruption of the curricula, inter alia, is very pertinent and material to understanding and gaining some insight into how and why the practices of the defendants was able to continue without interruption for so long. It also suggests why they are seeking to cover-up a very substantial and injurious pattern of deception, fraud and corruption: They demonstrate, for example, that:
a) The Movement, the defendants, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, WPEC-US, and Maharishi International University (MIU) were so committed to advancing the organization and its ideology that they were, and are, very willing to violate the law and engage in criminal behavior;
b) Essentially the attitude and philosophy was, and, to my knowledge, is now: "anything goes";
c) There is religiously based justification for this criminal conduct in Hindu texts, for example, the colloquy between Arjuna and Lord Krishna;
d) Scienter [informed or guilty knowledge] was clearly present in the frauds, but was justified in the name of a higher ideology, which presumably means they can lie, come into a federal court, and commit perjury;
e) More significantly, an understanding of their wilful deceits and machinations in these areas, provides a useful insight and perspective into the more serious areas resulting in psychological and physical injury to very vulnerable, and easily manipulated young men and women;
f) If it can be demonstrated that the zealous, and often fanatical, educated people, including lawyers associated with the TM cult, are willing, even eager, to engage in an active, deliberate, systematic pattern and practice of major fraud involving hundreds of millions of dollars against the federal government, it might reasonably be inferred that they are willing to deceive and injure (if necessary) innocent and very vulnerable private citizens, i.e., young students; and,
g) Has specific and direct relevance to actual allegations in the plaintiff's complaint.

10. The inside, confidential files and correspondence from and between Edward Tarabilda, attorney for MIU and Charley Egner, State Coordinator-Ohio, 1818 W. Lane Ave., Columbus, Ohio 43221: (614) 486-9298) and IMS (International Meditation Society) and illegal deceits to avoid the consequences of IRS Sec. I-501(c) (3) et seq, sheds important light on a multi-million dollar tax fraud over a couple of decades. See, for example, Charley Egner's letter of 10/25/75 to Edward Tarabilda. Egner writes: ..."the report (for lobbying) was written in the first person, so Guy would seem independent from the organization." (emphasis added) Steven L. Schwartz, an attorney and MIU Director of Legal Affairs, answering in Tarabilda's absence, in his response of 12/17/75 writes: "If you have an 'outside' party willing to lobby...." The letter suggests how to conceal an integral and ineluctable connection of presumably "independent" lobbyists from the TM movement and/or World Plan Center. Similar correspondence between and among Tarabilda or Schwartz, inter alia, Ginny Hafner, Secretary to the midwest regional TM program (RR3, Box 67, Long Grove Road, Barrington, Ill., 60010; (312) 381-1610), letter of 6/23/75, Amy Roosevelt of 124 High St., Denver, Colo. 80218 (303)-722-3825), Tim Gautherat, Chairman of IMS at 248 S. Adams, Birmingham, Mich. 48005 (6/11/75, ltr.), contacts with Lt. Governor Bill Christensen of New Mexico; and, other correspondence with, among others, Jerry Jarvis, Director of WPEC in Los Angeles concerning, for example, the behind-the-scenes lobbying by the secret world-wide network of 108's are particularly instructive on the attitude, ethics and duplicity of high ranking cult leaders and lawyers in pursuit of the Holy Grail.

11. I have read an affidavit consisting of one and a half pages, sworn and subscribed to by Professor John W. Patterson on June 30, 1986, and agree with his observations and conclusions. At para 3, page 1, Professor Patterson suggests more than "gross scientific incompetence" is involved and believes the misrepresentations are the result of "dishonesty, deliberate deceit and fraud." I agree unequivocally. The deceptions are systematic and planned. My personal and professional experience over the last 12 years (since 1975) convince me that the leadership and upper echelon, for a variety of reasons, ideological and economic, has systematically and wilfully deceived the federal government, state and local governments, private and public funding sources and agencies, the students, and inter alia, the general public about the nature, purpose and consequences of the TM-Sidhi and SCI programs. Some deceptions have economic or financial consequences: for example, a massive and deliberate fraud against the federal government. However, a disturbing number of wilful deceits have the potential for serious psychological and physical trauma, particularly among young, impressionable uncritical and very vulnerable young men and women.

12. The deceptions are intricate, fairly sophisticated, intentional, and are mainly designed to sell or market TM. I've also read the affidavit of Bevan H. Morris, President of MIU, and find that it is replete with transparently false statements. Professor Morris, in his 6/19/86 affidavit, resorts to standardized, canned script propaganda, written and disseminated to an uni[n]formed public over the last several decades to support his application. The only genuine observation he makes about the need for confidentiality and protection for a trade secret appears at the end of para. 24-4, i.e. they need the trade secret shield "to protect the economic viability of defendants." Actually there is no difference at all between other meditation techniques, and TM except the much- publicized propaganda and advertising claims. Dr. Robert Benson's Relaxation Response, for example, produces with less time and effort, a safer result. It also spares the meditator from using nonsense mantras with mystical undercurrents. It's also a lot cheaper: a three dollar paperback (or newspaper article) versus $125.00 [now $1,000] for an "exclusive, tailor-made" mantra. (Actually not exclusive, as they falsely and deliberately claimed for years.) The extent and scope of the deception before, during and after becoming "initiated" (their term) into TM-Sidhi programs is so vast and far-reaching with enormous potential for severe injury, and, even death, that it is impossible, within this necessarily abbreviated brief, to document it all. At para. 17, President Morris claims "heightened intellectual clarity." As a professor who taught at MIU that claim is false. The effect is the opposite: a spaced-out, unfocused, zombie-like automaton, incapable of critical thinking is the more usual "benefit" of prolonged meditation. In fact, meditation was used as an excuse (probably valid) by my students for not completing a project much in the way a "virus" or "the flu" debilitates the average college student. The consequences of intensive, or even regular, meditation was so damaging and disruptive to the nervous system, that students could not enroll in, or continue with, regular academic programs. Many of my students offered as an excuse for not being able to sit for an examination or write a paper, the fact that they had a "bad meditation" or just "got off rounding" (group TM) and haven't gotten "back to earth yet."

13. The source of my statement that the deceptions existed, were substantial and material, were intentional, and have detrimental consequences are my personal and professional observations (I lived on campus with faculty, staff and students), internal "secret" correspondence (not privileged), president council meetings, faculty senate meetings, executive sessions and conferences with MIU and WPEC-US hierarchy. The individuals I spoke to included, but are not limited to, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, on or about December 6-9, 1975 on campus (at least two private conferences while he presided over a physics conference at MIU), Keith Wallace ([then])President), Steve Druker, Steve Schwartz, Sy Migdal, Robert Winquist ([then]Vice President), Ed Tarabilda, Dean of Students Dennis Raimundi, Robin Babov, Professors Michael Weinless, Barbara Edison, and Franklin Mason, Vice President David Clay (Vice President of Administration) and psychologist Jonathan Shapiro.

14. A simple review of internal correspondence reflects the inconsistency between the outward, sanitized, "safe" public image they try to present, and the frequently dangerous reality of TM-Sidhi techniques. A disturbing denial or avoidance syndrome, and even outright lies and deception, are used to cover-up or sanitize the dangerous reality on campus of very serious nervous breakdowns, episodes of dangerous and bizarre behavior, suicidal and homicidal ideation, threats and attempts, psychotic episodes, crime, depression and manic behavior that often accompanied roundings (intensive group meditations with brainwashing techniques). Euphemisms are employed to describe essentially dangerous, unstable and injurious behavior. "Unstressing," for example, "Baking" is another. For example, a memo dated 5/21/75 from Dean Sluyter, a copy of which is annexed (with original markings and notations) to Jon Shapiro, the head of psychological services, acknowledges that rounding results in bizarre behavior. The memo notes that it includes a recommendation from the President's Council [of MIU].

"The effectiveness of a course leader depends largely on his ability to maintain and manifest a fee[t]-on-the-ground, non-rounding perspective. Constant immersion in the usually "baked" atmosphere of a long rounding course presents a challenge to that perspective. Course leaders in Europe have a notorious tendency to get baked."

Jonathan Shapiro, and other experienced Forest Academy and TTC leaders, in a moment of candor, have personally acknowledged that rounding can result in a nervous breakdown. However, this is not the term they prefer to use.

15. The care and attention devoted to maintaining the right and proper image is illustrated from this excerpt from the President's Council Meeting minutes of 5/28/75.

"The BBC are scheduled to visit MIU on June 3-5 to film a documentary... Everything we can possibly do to prepare for the visit including the elimination of all objects in the Bookstore resembling Indian handicrafts such as tapestries, brass incense holders, etc., and the incense must be discretely displayed. All Indian objects will be removed from the Bookstore. It was felt by members of the Council that MIU must project a conservative image that is, as Jon Shapiro put it, "as American as apple pie." We should be "supersensitive" to what we are doing and it should be a matter of policy that we do not have anything Indian in the Store."

16. The TM-Sidhi movement makes absurd claims that meditation reduces collective stress, crime, violence and assorted social problems. This is contradicted by their own experiences within the MIU community.
a) "Ed Tarabilda wrote a letter to the boy who allegedly stole a Puja [brass, initiation] set suggesting that if he has it in his possession it would be wise to return it." (President's Council Meeting, minutes 7/3/75.)
b) Upon information and belief a married couple experienced psychotic episodes and manifested irrational and bizarre behavior in the summer and early fall of 1975. This may have been related to the following excerpt from the minutes of the President's Council Meeting of 10/15/75.

"The situation of Phil and Madeline Simon was discussed, and the Council agreed that they should be asked to leave the campus immediately. A note to this effect was drawn up and delivered to them by Campus Security. The Council felt it would be better for MIU if they left the state as well. "

c) Another example of how a meditating community reduces crime:
"MIU PERSONNEL CHARGED WITH CRIMES The Council discussed the policy of MIU with regard to volunteers who commit crimes. A recent incident involved the alleged theft of a bicycle from a paper boy by an MIU volunteer who works for Food Services. It was felt by the Council that because MIU is in the eyes of the public at all times, it should not be necessary to retain volunteers who have these kinds of social problems. If guilty he will be asked to leave MIU. (Minutes, Pres. Council Mtg., 7/16/75)"
d) "The case of Gary and Patsy Wells was discussed. This couple has been asked to leave MIU because of unsuitable work and behavior... it was felt we should offer to financially assist them to get to their families in Wichita... (Minutes, Pres. Council Mtg., 10/8/75)"
There were meditators who experienced serious breakdowns during and following meditation. MIU and the counselling staff usually opted for banishment in these cases, although their practices often triggered mental breakdowns. Many students who experienced severe and uncontrollable trauma from meditation came to me for assistance and counselling since Jonathan Shapiro and his staff were punitive and hostile in their "therapeutic" approach. Banishing people who have problems not only from the campus, but attempting to keep them out of the state [Iowa] through extortion, threats or intimidation is not unusual. In many cases, the problems are precipitated or worsened by TM-Sidhi practices and/or by activities of the TM hierarchy. Essentially they cause the problem, blame the victim for his or her breakdown, and then threaten them with injury or other means if they don't leave the state permanently.

17. The affidavit of Joanna Feinberg of 6/20/86 submitted to the USDC is so patently false and joltingly absurd that Mrs. Feinberg must be testifying falsely with scienter or guilty knowledge of its fabrication. It is absolutely false to state that no claims were ever made about reversing the "ageing process," "perfect health," "purified nervous system," "personal enlightenment," or "prevention of misfortune or difficulties" in TTC introductory courses by any individual teaching under the auspices of WPEC- US. This is directly contradicted by, inter alia:
a) Scores of papers written by my students in a writing course. In a typical, non-cult college or university students might volunteer to write about "how I spent my summer vacation." At MIU they write about "how I achieved eternal bliss consciousness in ten easy lessons, and loved every ecstatic cosmic moment."
b) Hundreds of conversations, interviews, term papers, class discussions inter alia, with students who took similar courses under WPEC-US auspices.
c) In the Spring of 1976, I took a course in Science of Creative Intelligence. (I was pressured into it by Steve Druker and Sy Migdal.) Basically I had to attend the course to retain my position as professor of law and economics although it had absolutely no relationship to my qualifications or competence in my teaching and research disciplines. Not only were these claims about "personal health," inter alia, made , but the instructor, a young man, made the astounding claim in class that higher consciousness, achieved through regular meditation over a long period of time, would make the meditator impervious to the effects of a tornado (a major risk in this part of the country). Most of the vague nonsense of "purified nervous system" (in fact everything Joanna Feinberg claims is not part of the course) I left unchallenged. However, since there were about 30 young, very impressionable and gullible men and women in the class, I questioned him further. He literally meant that physically a person would be left unscathed if a tornado swept him or her away. Several weeks later, about three or four in the morning I was awakened by noise and excitement outside of my dorm. A twister (and possibly more than one) was west of the campus in the direction of Ottumwa and clearly visible. The students were outside their frats (dorms) in their nightclothes to test their "supernatural" powers. No one was injured simply because the twister did not hit the campus. Nevertheless scores of students believed (I questioned them the next day) that somehow the meditation safeguarded them.

18. These experiences and myths perpetrated by the TM cult might appear humorous or silly, but in fact I saw many casualties from their irresponsible lies and deceptions. Teaching methodology, for example, is actually indoctrination or brain washing and one of the very few (perhaps only) classes where genuine learning was attempted was in my classroom.

19. I have more than five (5) years family court law guardian experience and work with young drug abuses and addicts. In addition, I was involved in implementing a drug addiction program in Nassau County, New York. My observation and experience of some of the erratic and volatile "unstressing" (actually nervous breakdowns) on campus was similar to the reactions I've observed from people who had a "bad trip" or "freaked-out" from dangerous hallucinogenic drugs such as LSD.

20. In early December 1975, while the Maharishi was on campus, I spent a great deal of time trying to persuade him to adopt a more honest, less commercial, approach to meditation, the Sidhi courses, the curricula, the disguised religious element masquerading as a science, inter alia. He was aware, apparently for some time, of the problem, suicide attempts, assaults, homicidal ideation, serious psychotic episodes, depressions, inter alia, but his general attitude was to leave it alone or conceal it because the community would lose faith in the TM movement.

21. Maharishi had a very cavalier, almost elitist, view about very serious injuries and trauma to meditators. His basic attitude towards the concealment of the religious nature of TM was: "When America is ready for Hinduism I will tell them."

22. The claims of flying and levitation in the Sidhi courses are more than just false and dishonest, and an ambitious, cynical money making scheme by a group of cosmic merchants. They are exceedingly dangerous to a small, but significant, percentage of people who believe this and uncritically accept these outlandish claims.

23. In his more subtle and very sophisticated way Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and his charlatanism is [sic] a far more destructive and dangerous cult leader than Jim Jones who induced more than 900 people to commit suicide in Guyana.

24. Based on specific and personal observations and knowledge, inter alia, there is no question, but that the Maharishi had prior and actual notice and knowledge of the detrimental consequences of some meditative and Sidhi practices. However, he made a conscious decision and choice a long time ago to make money, develop a world-wide network of TM-SCI-Sidhi programs, irrespective of the trauma he caused to many vulnerable and uninformed people who were willing to trust him.

The above 9 page affirmation by an attorney is the equivalent of an affidavit in New York, and is true to the best of my knowledge and belief. [signed]ANTHONY D. DENARO DATED: July 16, 1986 Sea Cliff, New York

link: Trancenet: DeNaro Affidavit


Saturday, May 03, 2008

Transcendental M & Ms

TM Mortalities and Morbidities

In the medical world we have monthly M&M meetings to discuss cases or 'negative outcomes.' These M&M meetings help to improve practice management. This is standard practice, regardless of the deemed cause of injury or death.

Those who spent years deeply involved with the TM Movement know individuals, or heard stories of those, who experienced severe problems. Most of us did not have severe problems, other than adapting to normal society after cult/Movement life.

In the interest of discussing risks and extent of cult-related problems, we were recently asked, “Does anyone know how many TM-related deaths there are?” Of course, an official tally does not exist. The TM-Movement would never track this.

Many of us know folks who passed away due to medical neglect because they chose intensive AyurVed treatments or yagyas (costly prayer rituals) while avoiding efficacious medical treatments until too late. Others committed suicide. Some confused youth passed away due to drug overdose. Some youth were victimized by sexual predators. Some individuals experienced psychotic breaks on prolonged rounding courses.
Naturally, the causes were attributed to individual weakness or "unstressing"

In the interest of having some data, Sudarsha offered to keep a list. This list will NOT be made public, but at least there could be a discussion about documented TM-related mortalities and morbidities.

We are not arranging this for legal action, only to have an idea of case histories.
Again, this list would remain confidential in Sudarsha’s possession.

If you know of anyone directly (not just rumor) who passed away due to a TMO-related reason, or went psychotic while on prolonged TM program, or other chronic medical problems (neglected medical care in favor of AyurVed), please jot a quick email to Sudarsha.

The list has begun.

We will repost this request periodicly.

Please provide Sudarsha with:

* Name *year of death or psychotic break *adult or child/youth (if minor, then age) *city *official cause of death or incident.

You could send this to Sudarsha at:

sudarshaisnamaskar@gmail.com

Thank you for kindly sharing your knowledge of these tragic histories.

In memory of loved ones lost or damaged.

Friday, April 11, 2008

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE: Secondary Narcissism

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE is an occasional feature of quick hits on life after Transcendental Meditation.

This post was hard to write. It goes right to the heart of my biggest shame about my time in the TM Org.

I've written in the past about my suspicions that the Maharishi had narcissistic traits (which I explain in this article). What I failed to mention there were my own failings in this area.

Long before becoming a TM meditator at age 18, I had some narcissistic traits. I was a bright kid, always scored higher than the top 1% on standardized tests. Between my parents' natural pride and my teachers' assurances that I could grow up to be anything I wanted to be, I got the message that I was a "special" kid. I walked around feeling vaguely superior to my classmates — despite the fact that many of them excelled in areas I was helplessly inept at, such as sports, arts, music, writing.

There's nothing pathological about such traits. Nearly anyone you know who is an overachiever or ambitious in career or life is likely to have a healthy dose of narcissism.

But my seedling narcissistic traits blossomed into fully-ripened flowers of evil when I became deeply involved with the TM Movement.

I learned to refer to nonmeditators as "stress bunnies" and "mud" (after the Maharishi's recounting of a saint telling him everything outside the Indian "Valley of the Saints" was "all a mud.") I knew I was on the most superior path toward enlightenment — the Maharishi's TM. Everyone else was lost in varying degrees of ignorance. Even brushing against "them" or touching them in a crowd could lead to me picking up their "stress." We were "evolving" a hundred times, a thousand times faster than they were.

Far from being a harmless idiosyncrasy, my feelings of superiority poisoned my relationships with others — including other meditators, my family, my former friends. They were lost, "ignorant." I began to experience distance in my relationships with others. I had problems with emotional intimacy. How could I love anyone — even my wife at the time — if I felt superior to them?

If anyone expressed a a viewpoint on spiritual evolution, or a spiritual experience, I always felt my understanding was superior to theirs, my experiences were "deeper."

Looking back I was overwhelmingly arrogant and condescending. With little sense that God — or whatever power is at work in Nature — had infinite compassion for all of us. And that each of us is blessed with value to offer other humans.

I've termed this process "secondary narcissism." Just as our cult leaders were very often narcissists, I believe they found it to their advantage to blow whatever faint sparks we naturally had of superiority and arrogance into raging flames. It's my hypothesis this helped establish control over many of us. Destroying relationships between friends, lovers, family made us all the more likely to focus our needs and dependencies on the cult leader.

I know I wasn't alone. I remember talking with a regional director one day about the Six-Month Course. I asked if he was excited about becoming a "Governor of the Age of Enlightenment." He said, "What's the point? Everybody's becoming a Governor. I want to be Lord of the Universe."

Narcissistic thinking is something I battle with to this day. There's a big gap between my head and my heart. I've reasoned out my addiction to arrogance, and how it served me in my life — and the purposes of the Maharishi. But I'm ashamed that I still experience it daily. I'm horrified when I find myself unconsciously thinking my thoughts and experience are superior to commenters here, for instance. I forget momentarily that every viewpoint is valid on its own terms for the individual expressing it — and their courage for speaking out their truth needs to be celebrated not denigrated.

I still am distant from my family. I wish my relationship with my second wife were closer.

I've made progress in recovering from narcissism. It's a rare day now that I'm not humbled by an insight of a commenter or an emailer. I've taken to heart a slogan I once taught as an addictions counselor: "Strive to be average."

But I think narcissism is one nasty side-effect of growing up TM that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Do you have this or similar "Remains of Ignorance"?

Please consider posting your thoughts in the comments below. Just click on "Comments" and type away. Please feel free to remain anonymous. You may help another former TMer with your insights!

John M. Knapp, LMSW
KnappFamilyCounseling.com

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Betrayal Trauma: A New Model for Transcendental Meditation Abuse?

I have been reflecting lately on both the extreme denial that active cult members exhibit and the extreme reaction former members experience after leaving their cult. Margaret Singer, PhD, believed former cult member's reactions were largely grief based. More recently, Colleen Russell, LMFT has developed phases of loss and grief that cult members experience.

I think these models capture only part of the truth, because like most current academic models of cult involvement, they are based on the thought reform or "brainwashing" model. While I can readily see the characteristics of thought reform present in most cults, I've come to believe it doesn't capture the intensity of cult experience fully. Robert J. Lifton developed the model after his work with American veterans "brainwashed" in North Korea. But unlike brainwashed soldiers who knew who their enemy was and fought being brainwashed, we as cult members eagerly sought the "knowledge" or "truth" our cults dished out. We invited them into our minds, made them comfortable, and begged for more. The co-option of our rational thought processes was therefore all the more swift and complete than brainwashed soldiers.

Lately I have been exploring the concept of "betrayal trauma," a concept introduced by Jennifer J. Freyd, professor of psychology at the University of Oregon, in 1991. Psychological trauma is severe and enduring damage to the mind and brain that occurs due to a traumatic event, traditionally defined as an experienced or witnessed threat to life or sexual integrity. Most of us have heard of trauma in relation to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, experienced by war veterans or rape victims. Since the '90s, the definition of trauma has been expanded to include betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions we depend on for survival, such as parents or churches, violate us in some way. Examples of betrayal trauma are childhood physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.

It was Carl Jung who long ago postulated the concept of God as a personified parent-figure. It's my hypothesis that the guru, cult leader, or cult organization functions as a parent-figure for deeply involved members. If this is true, when we come to suspect that the guru has betrayed us — whether rightly or wrongly — we may come to experience betrayal trauma as if abused by a parent. The primary initial effect of this betrayal may be denial — in which we are faced with facts too painful to accept, so we reject them violently, insisting they are false even despite overwhelming evidence. When cult members do come to accept they have been betrayed, the results may be overwhelming grief and rage — and dissociative phenomena such as amnesia, "spacing out," depersonalization, and pseudo-personality (similar to multiple personality).

Betrayal trauma theory posits that there is a social utility in remaining unaware of abuse when the perpetrator is a caregiver (Freyd, 1994, 1996). The theory draws on studies of social contracts ... to explain why and how humans are excellent at detecting betrayals; however, Freyd argues that under some circumstances detecting betrayals may be counter-productive to survival. Specifically, in cases where a victim is dependent on a caregiver, survival may require that she/he remain unaware of the betrayal. In the case of childhood sexual abuse, a child who is aware that her/his parent is being abusive may withdraw from the relationship (e.g., emotionally or in terms of proximity). For a child who depends on a caregiver for basic survival, withdrawing may actually be at odds with ultimate survival goals, particularly when the caregiver responds to withdrawal by further reducing caregiving or increasing violence. In such cases, the child's survival would be better ensured by being blind to the betrayal and isolating the knowledge of the event, thus remaining engaged with the caregiver.
Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal trauma: The logic of forgetting childhood abuse. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.


I suspect that both the denial of those who remain cult members and those who come to believe they were betrayed by the guru are examples of betrayal trauma — even though they may occur well outside of childhood. Particularly suggestive are the symptoms of dissociation that both sufferers of betrayal trauma and cult veterans experience.

In my experience, many, if not most, psychotherapists not experienced with cults don't get cult abuse trauma and brush it aside. My clients may have felt judged, ridiculed, or ignored by the conventional therapists they approached for help in the past.

Psychotherapists at first resisted the PTSD concept because their training led them to believe primary trauma could only come from childhood. This is one reason that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder took some while to be accepted by the mental health community — adults were not supposed to experience trauma. Eventually they came around to the idea that a "life-threatening" or sexual attack could cause lasting trauma — lasting for decades — much like childhood trauma. (Note that many survivors of cults did in fact endure physical, emotional, and sexual abuse that causes PTSD.) But mental health professionals have remained conservative about accepting cult abuse trauma. I think this is a mistake. Many of my clients report that their cult years were much more formative than the family or religion they were brought up in.

The treatment for dissociative disorders is well-established. There is hope — and success — when you work with a counselor experienced with cult abuse trauma.

John M. Knapp, LMSW
KnappFamilyCounseling.com

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Dealing with "Spacing Out"

A commenter recently wrote me about drifting into trance states against her will. These sound like the symptoms of dissociation. To be more precise, many former cult members that I've worked with, particularly those who practiced meditation or chanting, experience nonvoluntary altered states of consciousness that seem similar to trance or temporary dissociative amnesia. People may experience not feeling real ("derealization"), feeling detached from themselves ("depersonalization"), having a fantasy or dream-like state, losing touch with surroundings, or forgetting where you are. A few have experienced dissociative fugue, a rare experience where one may find oneself in a new place without knowing how one got there.

It's said that everyone dissociates to a minor degree pretty much every day. Everybody's mind wanders from time to time. Dissociation only becomes a matter for concern when it interferes with daily life.

In the Transcendental Meditation Movement, we frequently talked about serious examples of these experiences without realizing it. We might call someone "spacey," a "space cowboy," a "Fiuggi Flipout," or equivalent terms. When I was in the TM Org as a Governor, it seemed a day didn't go by I didn't hear — or utter — similar terms.

Shortly after I left the TM Org, the joke lost its humor for me. You see I realized that I was one of the ones people were laughing at. I had just gotten used to various experiences over the years. Without realizing that others, in the real world, thought they were odd. When reading, pages might go by and I couldn't remember what I had read. I had the habit of suddenly staring off into space — even sometimes in mid conversation.

Others noticed this, of course. My ex-wife in particular got in the habit of touching me gently on my forearm to get my attention when this would happen. I almost invariably jumped — being unaware that I had lost awareness of my surroundings, sometimes for minutes at a time. I frequently closed my eyes under stressful circumstances — sometimes for seconds, sometimes longer.

Disconcerting to say the least for anyone attempting to talk with me.

When taking trips alone in the car, I found that I sometimes spaced out — maybe even blacked out. At the end of a trip I couldn't tell you what had been on the radio or landmarks along the way. I basically didn't remember the trip.

Once I drove an hour past my home exit before I "came to" and realized the situation. Another time, I drove 45 minutes in the wrong direction for an important appointment before I "came to." This didn't seem to occur when others were in the car.

I developed difficulty with speech shortly after learning the TM-Sidhis on teacher training. I would frequently forget what I was saying in the middle of a sentence. It become so commonplace for me to have trouble finding words, leading to stuttering, that my family began to joke about it — nervously. I eventually developed the habit of practicing saying sentences mentally before attempting to say them out loud — to avoid embarrassment.

I mention my personal experiences because they match dozens of similar stories that my clients have told me.

You can read more about dissociation here. (There are other articles referenced at trancenet.net that discuss dissociation.)

I have been very fortunate in that these troubling symptoms largely disappeared within a few years of leaving the TM movement, with work on my part.

If you are experiencing involuntary dissociation, there are a number of techniques you can try that may bring you relief if practiced over time.

Try the thought stopping exercises that I wrote about recently: "When the Mantra Won't Get Lost."

Pat Ryan, of TM-Ex, suggested some useful techniques back in the '90s that are quoted in an article by Louis Jolyon West & Paul R. Martin:

Dissociative and other symptoms resulting from contemplative cult practices may continue to be problematic in treatment long after other symptoms have improved. Contemplative symptoms can include inability to concentrate, relaxation-induced anxiety, and dissociative phenomena such as automatic lapsing into meditation, chanting, or trance-like states. Ryan (1993) found that one of the most effective methods to remedy "spacing out" is physical exercise. Exercise may also help to alleviate other contemplative symptoms, such as lack of awareness of bodily sensations, muscle tension, fatigue, and the association of these with emotional dysfunction or distress. Other helpful techniques include identifying aspects of the environment that create stimulus overload, slowly building up reading stamina by setting a timer and thereby gradually prolonging reading time, and learning to counter magical thinking through a specific series of reality checks. From Dissociation: Clinical and Theoretical Perspectives. Lynn, SJ and Rhue JW, eds. ©1994 The Guilford Press.


Some people report that practicing Buddhist mindfulness is helpful. This is a form of meditation in which you observe the functioning of the mind, rather than attempt to replace it with the mantra as you do in Transcendental Meditation.

Other techniques:

  • Ask a partner or friend to touch you lightly or call your name softly when it seems you are drifting off. When you become aware of your surroundings again, practice a thought-stopping technique.

  • Keep a journal of triggers: When you catch yourself trancing out, try to remember what you were doing, saying, or thinking just beforehand. This may very well be something that your mind is defending itself against by dissociation. If you are aware of your triggers, you can gain some control over them. You may also choose to engage in prolonged exposure therapy with a mental health professional.

  • If your dissociation is happening enough to disrupt your daily activity, I urge you to consider stopping meditation — at least until you get the unwanted experience under control.


If readers have found other techniques that have helped them with dissociation or trance states, please consider writing me at jmknapp53@gmail.com. I'd be eager to share techniques that work with my clients — you could very well help many others recover!

John M. Knapp, LMSW
http://KnappFamilyCounseling.com/

Monday, September 10, 2007

Transcendental M & Ms

TM Mortalities and Morbidities

In the medical world, we have monthly M&M meetings, to discuss cases of 'negative outcomes.' These M&M meetings help us identify ways in which we can improve our medical management. This is standard practice, regardless of the deemed cause of injury or death.

Those who spent years deeply involved with the TM Movement know individuals, or heard stories of those, who experienced severe problems. Most of us did not have severe problems, other than adapting to normal society after the Movement experience.

In the interest of discussing risks and extent of cult-related problems, we were recently asked, “Does anyone know how many TM-related deaths there are?” Of course, an official tally does not exist.

Many of us know folks who passed away due to medical neglect because they chose intensive AyurVed treatments while avoiding efficacious medical treatments until too late, others committed suicide, while some confused youth passed away due to drug overdose; some experienced psychotic breaks on various prolonged rounding courses.
Naturally, the causes were always attributed to individual weakness.

In the interest of having some kind of data, Sudarsha offered to keep a list. This list will NOT be made public, but at least there could be an answer to the question about number of documented TM-related mortalities.
Sudarsha requested that we also list those who went psychotic or had other chronic apparently-TM-related disability.

We are not arranging this for legal action, only to have an idea of numbers.
Again, this list would remain confidential in Sudarsha’s possession.

If you know of anyone directly (not just rumor) who passed away due to a TMO-related reason, or went psychotic while on prolonged TM program, or other chronic medical problems (neglected medical care in favor of AyurVed), please jot a quick email to Sudarsha.

The list has begun.

We will repost this request on a monthly basis.

Please provide Sudarsha with:

* Name *year of death or psychotic break *adult or child/youth (if minor, then age) *city *official cause of death

You could send this to Sudarsha at:

sudarshaisnamaskar@gmail.com

Thank you for kindly sharing your knowledge of these tragic histories.

In memory of loved ones lost or damaged.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

On the Nature of Evil, Compassion, and Enlightenment

A rougher version of this post appeared in the comments section. A reader requested that I polish it up and post it on the main blog. The result is below.

A note about my posts and writing style. My feelings about most subjects are more tentative than my direct writing style would indicate. I hope that readers who take issue with my posts feel free to comment in the unmoderated comments section. I am more than open to taking your viewpoints into account and changing my perspective.


Being compassionate doesn't preclude making judgments about behavior -- only about people themselves.

I suspect the Maharishi, the founder of Transcendental Meditation, is mentally ill. I reached this suspicion based on observing his actions for decades &mdash stretching back at least to the introduction of his TM-Sidhi program in the 1970s.

As I've stated before, if he were actually under my care, I would want to rule out narcissism and sociopathy. But I feel strongly that you can't judge a person's mental health through their writings or public appearances &mdash and that is the only way I know the Maharishi.

I certainly don't claim to know he is mentally ill. But as he is a public figure with the power to harm many people, I think that speculation about his character is certainly fair game.

Please note that the phrase "rule out" is jargon in psychotherapy that means that steps should be taken to test the therapist's suspicions -- nothing more. I am not judging the Maharishi's mental health, therefore -- but I am saying it is suspect.

The Maharishi's actions go well beyond those of an ambitious businessperson, in my opinion. I've counseled over 2,000 current and former TMers since I founded Trancenet.net back in 1995. I'm sure there are many, many more who have had no contact with me. I believe that thousands of people have been harmed psychologically, emotionally, financially, career-wise, and more by their time spent with the Maharishi. Some have actually lost their lives through violence or suicide. The DeNaro affidavit makes it clear that the Maharishi has known for decades about the damage his teachings have been causing -- and that he simply doesn't care.

If that isn't evil, what is?

Any ambitious pharmaceutical executive that disregarded dangerous side effects of his medicines would be subject to criminal prosecution. Shouldn't we judge a spiritual teacher, if anything, more harshly?

A commenter has suggested that perhaps our differences over the Maharishi's actions spring from disagreements about what constitutes enlightenment. I think the Maharishi has given clear criteria for his ideas of enlightenment, and since he has taken billions of dollars in exchange for teaching students techniques he claimed would bring about enlightenment, I think it only fair to judge him by his own rules. He spoke of an enlightened person as always exhibiting spontaneous right action, exhibiting compassion, friendliness, and happiness. More, he has stated that an enlightened individual is "invincible" -- saying no enemy could even arise for an enlightened person or country. Please note that the Maharishi cannot even enter the US, Switzerland, or India because of charges of tax evasion, he has been found liable in US civil court for fraud and more, and there is no shortage of Maharishi critics on this Blog and elsewhere in countries around the world.

I say he doesn't exhibit virtues to any "cosmic" degree. Perhaps you feel differently.

I think, since he has held himself out as being in the business of spiritual development, to compare his legacy to that of other saints that humankind has produced is only fair.

Can anyone say that he shows the elements of compassion that Jesus, Gandhi, Buddha, and others have shown? I would like to hear that argument made. Jesus sought out the poor and the downtrodden. He didn't preach only to the rich. Gandhi didn't live a lavish lifestyle and reached out across caste lines to the untouchables. Buddha gave of himself selflessly for decades -- never charging more than enough rice to fill his bowl. The Maharishi charges as much as a million dollars for teachings that are the birthright of every human on the planet, thanks to the illuminated Indian tradition.

You, readers and commenters, have chosen to read a site that is largely critical of the Maharishi (although there is a wide divergence of opinion among the contributors and I speak only for myself). I'm surprised that some of you are surprised to find criticism here.

If I perceive evil, which I define as intentional harm or careless disregard for pain that one causes to another being, am I compassionate by saying nothing? Or rather is truer compassion served by warning anyone who cares to listen that something terrible has happened to thousands following the Maharishi -- and that they would be well advised to avoid his teachings and actions?

If you have any doubt, I consider the Maharishi's actions to be hypocritical and dangerous -- whether intentionally or not.

To name, warn about, and avoid evil is well within my definition of compassion. What about yours?

John M. Knapp, LMSW
KnappFamilyCounseling.com

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Transcendental Paranoia

by Gina Catena, M.S.

Coercive Persuasion, “thought reform,” or “brainwashing” includes taboos against speaking truth. While under the influence, we felt secure and safe in our paradigm. We knew privileged secrets, advanced techniques, mantras and higher level “knowledge” as provided on special courses. We believed, and told outsiders, the scripted benefits of TM and memorized Hinduesque teachings.

Amongst ourselves we chuckled about the Movement’s financial shenanigans, Nazi-like environmental and social control on courses. Still we feared speaking forth to detail others’ psychosis, suicides, wild antics, hidden sexual and drug abuse –in the interest of protecting our teachings and the Movement’s reputation.

We believed in our higher purpose - to uphold the Movement’s integrity and not allow negative press to befall upon our beloved Maharishi, while MMY’s Shrivastara family lived in comfort from our families’ contributions.

Secrets began with instruction of our mantra, never to be repeated aloud, “for our own benefit.” Little by little, we acclimated to organized scrutiny for deemed worthiness, and increasing levels of security “for our own benefit,” as we advanced.

Transcendental Paranoia was instilled from the beginning. We navigated through detailed interviews and applications for advanced courses, letters of recommendation from Initiators or Governors of the Age of Enlightenment (we were denied copies of our files or applications). We proved our allegiance to the “purity of the teachings.” We carried validated photo identification badges to enter meetings, group meditations, and even for some functions at satellite TM centers around the world. We accepted when the “Capital of the Age of Enlightenment” staff told us that our identity cards were the Capital’s property, not ours, to be relinquished if we left.

If we explored other venues, we were afraid of being identified as unfaithful to Maharishi. Many lied on TM program applications, denying exploration of other spiritual teachers, meditation practices or psychotherapy to assure their continued group acceptance (demonstrating a lack of true help!).

We kept secrets to maintain our “spiritual evolution” and allegiance to the Movement, our beloved and dysfunctional “TM-family.” Fear of the truth was deeply ingrained.

We ignored negative press from outside of the Movement, and blamed our communities’ tragedies upon “unstressing,” “purification,” or individual “bad karma.” We attributed all problems to individual shortcomings, all good was attributed gratefully to TM and Maharishi. “Jai Guru Dev” (Exaltations to Guru Dev). More Secrets.

After leaving the Movement, many do not disclose TM-histories with outsiders, lest we betray loved ones, or become stigmatized from the outside world. Likewise, I remained silent for nearly 20 years, while living a double life.

An innate anxiety often arises when disclosing details of our TM Movement/cult with outsiders. Common themes are: “My TM-based loved ones will reject me. They were well intentioned. They are not bad people. What will I have left if they reject me?”

Revealing our TM background knowledge can provoke anxiety precisely because, in speaking forth, we run counter to deeply ingrained patterns. The famed TM “bubble diagram” of transcending to the source of thought, applies to the depth of our brainwashing when in a trance state. The blend of group belonging, fear of ignorant outsiders, and reverence for our “sacred tradition’ were planted deep in our primal brain. Many fear legal retribution, verbal assaults, and rejection from loved ones if they speak of their TM past.

Fear of group rejection is a protective biological mechanism. A primitive lifestyle requires group effort for human survival. In the wild, tribal rejection equals certain death. That is why we want to maintain our group membership.

For silent former TM-ers, your anxiety is real, psychologically and biologically understandable – but not necessary. We won’t die if we reveal our past to the world. What a liberating thought!

Former TMers may also experience anxiety speaking of their history, wondering how this will influence their integration to a new community, “How will outsiders understand? “They will think I’m insane of they know my history.” “How will this stymie me professionally?” “None can understand how I participated in such ridiculousness.” They won’t understand why I continue to love those who remain in the cult.” Or “They won’t understand why I did not leave sooner.”

From sheer embarrassment, many MIU/ MUM graduates struggle with their alma mater on their professional resume. They try “MI University” or “M International University” or other derivatives. Job interviews may focus upon justifying their education rather than upon employment qualifications, while explaining that Maharishi International University really is an accredited private university (meeting minimum standards of academic literacy). Oftentimes, the desired job is not offered because the interviewer was distracted by the story of Maharishi’s exotic university.

Shakespeare’s wisdom, “To be or not to be, that is the question” is appropriate here. To be true to one self includes choosing whether to speak forth or maintain privacy about a cult past. Speaking forth is a highly personal choice. There is not a right nor wrong.

Cult experts (some are now personal friends), often state, “True recovery requires cutting all ties to the cult.”
I disagree with them on this point, and I tell them so. For those raised in a cult, sharing our history may result in rejection from our loved ones of origin. Then where do we turn?

At the 2006 trial for Warren Jeffs, president of the polygamist cult of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (not TM related), a young teenage bride refused to speak when called to testify in court. She was arrested for contempt of court. This reveals lack of understanding of the great emotional and psychological risk to which the court system placed this young girl, by asking her to publicly describe her confusing family and community. If she spoke of her knowledge, she would have lost all that she knew and had nowhere to turn. Of course she kept the ugly secrets, because her identity, life and loved ones are with the controversial community.

The young woman in Jeffs' trial, above, experienced an acute crises of any cult-raised person's inner conflict. Maintaining connections to family of origin, requires continuing to live with shrouds of secrecy. Speaking truth as a whole person, removing the shrouds, risks rejection from family and community of origin accompanied by possible social or professional stigmas elsewhere. It may be a painful choice.

One friend was raised in a different highly publicized cult outside of North America. She attends graduate school in the USA, is married to an American: they are raising their family. She keeps her history private, even to the instructors in her graduate psychotherapy studies. Media publicity about her cult-family is scathing. She chooses silence to protect her children from social repercussions if her history were public knowledge.

She states, “Even experienced therapists and most psychology professors don’t understand about children raised in cults. Many therapists assume we are psychotic, have split personalities or other severe disorders. There were some terrible situations and tragedies. But many of us survived and are functional after several years of painful personal soul searching. We became well after years of wrenching inner work. Therapists will label us too quickly.”

Through her silence, my friend protects her children from social stigma, and from rejection by cult-grandparents. I had chosen the same until my children were grown.

In coming forth, I sadly accept that loved ones from my TM past will reject me as being “of the dark side.” One dear old TM-friend recently glared at me saying I was “flirting with the enemy.” After my well-circulated letter to the San Rafael School Board, a revered TM leader, with whom I'd had a decades long relationship, told me, "May God have mercy on your soul. Do not contact me ever again." I was prepared for rejection from those of my history. Others might not be willing to risk such loss.

Speaking forth is a highly individual decision. Some choose anonymity; some prefer silence about their TM histories. Coming forth brings rewards at a price.

If you read this and are anxious about speaking, please do not berate yourself. There is deeply ingrained programming against coming forth. It takes awhile to untangle. It is important to have others who will emotionally support your honesty and courage, rather than ostracize you for your honesty.

If you choose to come forth, your voice will become stronger with practice. However, It is equally valid to silently hold your history, memories, and loved ones near and dear to your heart.

Vaya con Dios

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE: Memory Loss & TM

Once upon a time Transcendental Meditation Centers still held "advanced lectures" on Sunday nights. One such Sunday I heard an audiotape of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi discussing the memory changes meditators could expect from TM.

He said that a nonmeditator's memory was like a line drawn in stone, meaning it left a deep impression on the mind. He said that, in time, a meditator's memory would become like a line left in water: No deep impression would be left. The Maharishi reassured us that we would always remember things as we needed them, because "Nature supports," but that our mind would no longer be occupied by bothersome memories when we didn't need them.

Many long-term meditators have shared with me that they experience memory problems. Forgetting where they've put their keys. Difficulty remembering names and faces. Problems remembering words. Forgetting important dates and appointments. And they tell me that these problems have gotten worse the longer they do TM.

Some have expressed fear of these changes. Some of the most fearful are people who know members of Purusha and Mother Divine, the Maharishi's groups of monks and nuns. They describe some men and women on these programs as wandering the streets of Fairfield, Iowa, their memories shot, unable to concentrate on people talking to them, eyes clouded by vacant stares.

As with other possible unfortunate side-effects of TM, this is not often talked about in the TM community. In my experience counseling current and former TMers, it is a prevalent worry, however. This is not to say everyone experiences these problems. But many mention it, and many more worry about it because they see it in other TMers they know.

For myself, unfortunately, I never progressed to vacant stares, but friends and co-workers have noted my memory problems and commented on them. I know that when I read, I find it difficult to focus and generally don't remember what I've read shortly afterwards. (I've read the Harry Potter books several times and still am surprised by plot twists each time I read them.) I am 53, and should expect to be subject to memory changes, but colleagues say they are more notable in me than in others my age.

I have no way of knowing, barring some sort of large-scale, double-blind study, whether memory problems are worse or better among TMers than the population at large. And I do not know, if they exist, whether they are caused by TM or the stress and depression common in cultic relationships. But I mention memory problems here in the hopes of starting a conversation in our community regarding them.

There are many things that people who are experiencing memory loss can do to improve their functioning. (Some suggestions adapted from "Embarrassing Memory Problems.")

  • Improve your sleep habits, eat plenty of protein, and consider adding Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) to your diet to improve the physiological side of memory.
  • Increase your exercise to keep your brain in good shape (Journal of the American Medical Association 2004;292:144–61).
  • Be sociable. People who keep up social contact are less likely to develop memory problems.
  • Practice conversational skills.
  • Take up a hobby, particularly one that requires detail work and concentration such as model-building or needlework. I've found chess and crosswords very helpful. Other choices are card games, discussion groups, evening classes.
  • A simple technique for remembering names and faces is to repeat a person's name once audibly and then several times internally when you are introduced to them.
  • Organize your environment and personal effects to help you remember where things are located. For instance, always keep your keys in the same pocket. Lay out your things for the office in the same place every evening.
  • Write down things you need to remember in lists, pocket calendars, or even a PDA (Palm Pilot) to alert you to appointments and chores that you might forget. This is particularly helpful with medication. Also, the process of writing itself seems to improve memory retention.
  • When you read a book or newspaper, stop and pause from time to time and imagine you are telling someone what you have just read.
  • Before going to bed, try to recall what happened that day as vividly as possible.
  • It's easy to forget things we do automatically. Try pausing and registering what you are doing. Say it out loud. It's common to forget whether you've locked a door or turned an appliance off. Try saying out loud, "Oven off."
  • Try going through your address book from time to time, repeating the names. This helps keep their names lively in your memory.


Does any part of this resonate for you? Do you find your memory has changed for the worse since taking up TM?

Do you have this or similar "Remains of Ignorance"?

Please consider posting your thoughts in the comments below. Just click on "Comments" and type away. Please feel free to remain anonymous. You may help another former TMer with your insights!

J.

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE is an occasional feature of quick hits on life after Transcendental Meditation. It's a reversal of the Maharishi's translation of lesh-avidya. He claimed this was a Vedantic concept: Even after enlightenment there remains some slight residue of ignorance without which one would "drop the body" or die.

I've found that even after I left the TM Org behind, there remain in my mind "alien artifacts," bits and pieces of TM-based myths that still affect me today. I represent my own experience only here. But I've learned from my years counseling TMers that a significant number of others have had similar experiences.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE: Protecting the Maharishi

I'm a full-time therapist who has worked with a number of children of divorce. Something I've noticed, and which has been widely discussed in the literature, is the tendency of the children to "protect" either one or both parents by blaming themselves for the divorce. They hold the parents blameless for the unavoidable turbulence that breaking up the family apart causes.

This makes a kind of twisted sense. Parents are the most powerful figures in a child's life. They feed, clothe, and protect the child from the evil in the world. If they are wrong or flawed, there is no one to protect a child from that evil. At least in a child's mind. So it's easier to blame oneself than to accept that parents are, after all, human. As a therapist, I know children can't heal until they understand that they are not to blame for their parents' actions and decisions. And for many clients, particularly adults still suffering the aftereffects of divorce trauma from childhood, forgiveness for their parents can't begin until they first experience the anger from and place the blame for the divorce on their parents' shoulders.

Something similar seems to happen to people leaving the Transcendental Meditation Movement. In time, former TMers find it easy to accept that the TM Org was flawed. Some even come to think of the Org as evil, in whatever personal definition for "evil" the individual accepts.

But time and time and time again, I've seen former TMers hold the Maharishi blameless for the lies, fraud, greed, and damage committed in the name of the Movement. Some say he is an innocent, if naïve, monk. Some say he could not have known what was happening in a world wide movement. Some hold he was tricked by conniving deputies within the Movement.

Whatever.

It just seems that questioning the culpability of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is the last thing many former TMers do.

In an excellent book on exit counseling, Captive Hearts, Captive Minds, Tobias and Lalich state this is a common phenomenon for people leaving cults. I was lucky enough to be exit counseled by Jajna Lalich and Margaret Singer in 1995. I must admit that holding the Maharishi accountable was very difficult for me. I blamed Jerry Jarvis and other Movement leaders. I said that no man could possibly know everything that was happening in the Movement, and so he could not be held accountable. I said that the Maharishi existed in some kind of irreality bubble, like Nixon in his final days, and never received news of the terrible damage that rounding and the TM-Sidhis were causing for some TMers.

I used all the excuses. Lalich and Singer were patient and simply asked pointed questions. Never offering answers. Waiting for me to find my own.

Could the Maharishi really have been innocent? By all reports he micromanages every aspect of the Movement, not just the teaching, but money and real estate deals as well.

According to MIU Anthony Denaro, former MIU professor of law and economics, the Maharishi was aware of Transcendental Meditation side-effects that were "damaging and disruptive to the nervous system." "[He] was aware, apparently for some time [in 1986], of the problems, suicide attempts, assaults, homicidal ideation, serious psychotic episodes, depressions, inter alia [among others], but his general attitude was to leave it alone or conceal it because the community would lose faith in the TM movement. Maharishi had a very cavalier, almost elitist, view about very serious injuries and trauma to meditators." He could accept a "few" sacrifices to realize his World Plan.

It's alleged he went so far as to have the powerful tranquilizer Thorazine administered to students who "freaked out" on rounding courses.

Far from being a weak, innocent creature leaving his movement to underlings to run, the Maharishi has had a history of forcing out the strongest, most capable figures in his Movement, presumably before they could challenge him: Charlie Lutes, Jerry Jarvis, Deepak Chopra, others.

As for the innocent monk part, we now know he was a shrewd businessman and savvy marketer who knew the value and location of every nickel taken in. And he is alleged to have indulged his weakness for sex with many women.

It took me some time and a lot of work. But I eventually found the Maharishi responsible for these and other actions. He was not alone, but as leader of the Movement he holds the lion's share of the blame, in my mind.

But does any part of this resonate for you? Do you find yourself making excuses for our innocent monk?

Do you believe you can ever be free of this man's influence if you continue to hold him innocent? Do you believe you can forgive him and move on before you are willing to name his culpabilities for the damage he's done?

Do you have this or similar "Remains of Ignorance"?

Please consider posting your thoughts in the comments below. Just click on "Comments" and type away. Please feel free to remain anonymous. You may help another former TMer with your insights!

J.

To read other articles in this series, click on the label "Remains of Ignorance" below.

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE is an occasional feature of quick hits on life after Transcendental Meditation. It's a reversal of the Maharishi's translation of lesh-avidya. He claimed this was a Vedantic concept: Even after enlightenment there remains some slight residue of ignorance without which one would "drop the body" or die.

I've found that even after I left the TM Org behind, there remain in my mind "alien artifacts," bits and pieces of TM-based myths that still affect me today. I represent my own experience only here. But I've learned from my years counseling TMers that a significant number of others have had similar experiences.

Monday, February 26, 2007

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE: "Spaciness"

REMAINS OF IGNORANCE is an occasional feature of quick hits on life after Transcendental Meditation.

Calling someone "spacey," a "space cowboy," a "Fiuggi Flipout," or equivalent terms was common during my time in the Transcendental Meditation Movement. When I was in the TM Org as a Governor, it seemed a day didn't go by I didn't hear – or utter – similar terms.

Shortly after I left the TM Org, the joke lost its humor for me. You see I realized that I was one of the ones people were laughing at.

I had just gotten used to various experiences over the years. Without realizing that others, in the real world, thought they were odd.

I had the habit of suddenly staring off into space – even sometimes in mid conversation. Others noticed this, of course. My ex-wife in particular got in the habit of touching me gently on my forearm to get my attention when this would happen. I almost invariably jumped – being unaware that I had lost awareness of my surroundings, sometimes for minutes at a time.

I frequently closed my eyes under stressful circumstances – sometimes for seconds, sometimes longer. Disconcerting to say the least for someone who was attempting to talk with me.

When taking trips alone in the car, I found that I spaced out – maybe even blacked out. At the end of a trip I couldn't tell you what had been on the radio or landmarks along the way. I basically didn't remember the trip. Once I drove an hour past my home exit before I "came to" and realized the situation. Another time, I drove 45 minutes in the wrong direction for an important appointment before I "came to." This didn't seem to occur when others were in the car.

I developed difficulty with speech shortly after learning the TM-Sidhis on teacher training. I would frequently forget what I was saying in the middle of a sentence. It become so commonplace for me to have trouble finding words, leading to stuttering, that my family began to joke about it – nervously. I eventually developed the habit of practicing saying sentences mentally before attempting to say them out loud -- to avoid embarrassment.

The technical term for these experiences – at least when they cause dysfunction in one's life – is dissociation. You can read about dissociation here. (There are other articles referenced at trancenet.net that discuss dissociation.)

Do any of these experiences resonate for you? Have you seen these symptoms in other, usually long-term, TMers? Among Purusha? Mother Divine? On the streets of Fairfield, IA?

Do you have this or similar "Remains of Ignorance"?

Please consider posting your thoughts in the comments below. Just click on "Comments" and type away. Please feel free to remain anonymous. You may help another former TMer with your insights!

J.