One of Transcendental Meditation's main advertising points is that TM reduces stress. While the TM technique may reduce stress, the TM lifestyle is something else altogether. I would like to offer my thoughts on the one and one half years I spent on the TM "Creating Coherence Course," which I attended from 1979 to 1981 in Fairfield, Iowa, USA.
If constant rushing about trying to keep on a tight schedule is a stressor, then the Creating Coherence Course was designed to be stressful. We spent all day running from place to place, with barely enough travel time. Every morning, course participants rushed to the meditation hall to arrive before the doors were locked at 7:50 a.m. Attendance was always taken, and you'd get a demerit, a serious talking-to, and a guilt trip for missing too many meditations. That was because each person on the course was "personally responsible for preventing World War III" by doing the meditations together. Bevan Morris, the Dean? the President? of Maharishi International University had told us so, complete with mathematical equations proving it was true. We did our morning TM and TM-Sidhis programs until about 11:00 a.m. While each person's subjective experience of these meditation programs was different, my personal experiences ranged from blissful to physically painful to boring to anxiety-producing to mind-numbing.
Once done with our morning program, we changed out of our meditation clothes and into our street clothes, and rushed to arrive at work (a TM-owned decorative-glass factory located off-campus) by 11:15 a.m. (Since this all happened 28 years ago, and I'm writing from memory, I may have gotten some of the schedule slightly wrong. For this, I apologize, and if anyone has any corrections, please write them in the "Comments" section below. Thanks!) We worked until noon, then we rushed back to campus for lunch, which was served from 12:15 to 1:00. We rushed to be back at work by 1:15, and worked until 4:00. Then we rushed back to the meditation hall, changed out of our street clothes and into our meditation clothes, and rushed to fit in our lying down, yoga stretches and yogic breathing exercises before 4:30, when our afternoon meditation program started. Meditation ended about 6:45. We changed back into our street clothes and went to dinner, which was served until about 8:00. Our evening meetings started at 8:00 p.m. Each person's subjective experience of the meetings was different, but I personally found them mind-numbingly boring: stodgy repetitive "celebrations," hypnotic readings of English translations of Hindu scripture, boring videotaped lectures by Maharishi or occasionally by someone else, and stultifying tapes of Hindu chanting. Meetings ended at 9:45, and we rushed back to our dorms, because if you weren't in bed with the lights out by 10 p.m., we'd get a demerit and a guilty conscience. (We were told that staying up late was detrimental to the success of our world peace efforts.) This was our schedule six days a week. On Sundays, our schedule was the same except that we had the day off from work.
Aside from all the stress of rushing, boredom and guilt, there was the stress of not enough time and subsequent lack of stimulation. We clearly barely had time to pursue our creative, artistic or intellectual interests; nor to stay in touch with non-Fairfield relatives and friends; nor to enjoy recreation and entertainment. It was even difficult to fit in socializing with our fellow course participants! Talking on the way to the meditation hall was discouraged. Socializing in the meditation hall was prohibited. I had one married friend admit to me that Sunday afternoons were the only time she got to spend time with her husband! There was minimal time to do laundry, clean our rooms, take a shower, floss our teeth or get aerobic exercise. There was minimal time to contemplate our lifestyle, our values, the direction of our lives, our career plans, or romantic relationships. With men and women largely segregated, and sexuality tacitly discouraged (see my May 4, 2009 TM-Free Blog article, "Maharishi's Teachings on Sex and Gender Roles"), opportunities to pursue relationships, marriage, and child-bearing were minimized.
It was clearly a very unbalanced lifestyle. Despite the TM organization's claim that the TM technique unfolded the full potential of the individual in all areas of life in a balanced way, the rules of our Maharishi-designed Creating Coherence Course were detrimental to the development of a well-rounded, self-actualized, healthy adult, and the chronic racing around, lack of stimulation and guilt-induction made our lives more stressful.
(This is a 2-part series. To read Part 2, " Increased Stress through the Transcendental Meditation Program. Part 2 of 2: Live Chaotically and Be a Guinea Pig," please go to TM-Free Blog at September 20, 2010).
Showing posts with label threats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label threats. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Transcendental Meditation Organizations' legal threat against The Examiner
Two links below address Maharishi University of Management (MUM) and David Lynch Foundation (DLF) recent legal threats to the Examiner.com in an effort to remove an article critical of the David Lynch Foundation's efforts to bring Transcendental Meditation (TM) into public schools.
You can read the Examiner's published article in response to this threat by clicking here. The author wrote "Upon reviewing Goldstein's criticisms, the author has decided that there are no grounds for labeling this article "defamatory"."
The original legal threat from MUM and DLF can be read on Wikileaks by clicking here.
On another note, intense "self-help" programs called Large Group Awareness Training (LGAT) induce brain chemistry similar to what we experienced during intense TM "rounding" programs. Many of us know others who experienced various degrees of psychosis, and some suicides, when involved with prolonged intense "rounding" courses - The Movement taught us that such problem symptoms were due to the victims' "heavy unstressing," placing the blame squarely back on the individual - typical blame-the-victim mentality. Naturally, TM research never addresses problem results from TM. And TM research never studies the effects of rounding courses, despite ongoing active recruitment for rounding programs.
You can read about an Australian coroner who attributed a woman's suicide to her participation in an LGAT by clicking here. Tragic that the woman committed suicide. But great to see professional validation by a coroner! May the trend continue - for public recognition of potential mental health dangers from participation in mind altering programs.
You can read the Examiner's published article in response to this threat by clicking here. The author wrote "Upon reviewing Goldstein's criticisms, the author has decided that there are no grounds for labeling this article "defamatory"."
The original legal threat from MUM and DLF can be read on Wikileaks by clicking here.
On another note, intense "self-help" programs called Large Group Awareness Training (LGAT) induce brain chemistry similar to what we experienced during intense TM "rounding" programs. Many of us know others who experienced various degrees of psychosis, and some suicides, when involved with prolonged intense "rounding" courses - The Movement taught us that such problem symptoms were due to the victims' "heavy unstressing," placing the blame squarely back on the individual - typical blame-the-victim mentality. Naturally, TM research never addresses problem results from TM. And TM research never studies the effects of rounding courses, despite ongoing active recruitment for rounding programs.
You can read about an Australian coroner who attributed a woman's suicide to her participation in an LGAT by clicking here. Tragic that the woman committed suicide. But great to see professional validation by a coroner! May the trend continue - for public recognition of potential mental health dangers from participation in mind altering programs.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Acting Funny Around Money
This essay is a preliminary examination of the painfully dysfunctional way some of us acted around money when we were involved in the TM life. I invite you to take a walk with me down memory lane, and see if you, like me, remember moments during your time in TM when your thinking around money, or the thinking of those you knew, was seriously askew. Hopefully, this will be an opportunity to recall, to re-evaluate, and to heal. One question I have found helpful to ask myself is, "What thoughts were going through my head to permit me to engage in these seriously dysfunctional behaviors? " I also invite you, if you so choose, to invent a different ending - how the incident would have played out if we had been acting from a place of sanity and empowerment. If you would like, share your memories and alternate endings with us in the comments section.
To start the ball rolling, I will share seven true stories from my TM days of "acting funny around money." Some of these stories are humorous, but some of them have tragic outcomes. I think they all reflect how Maharishi's teachings wreaked havoc with our sanity around money.
1. When I was about 19, in 1972, I lent my boyfriend $100 for some emergency. He promised he would repay me. A few months later, I asked him for the money back. He didn't have it; however, he admitted that he had recently attended a TM weekend residence course. I was angry. "How could you go off and spend money on a vacation when you still owed me money?" He replied huffily, "Well, which is more important for the evolution of the universe? Returning the money to you, or going on a residence course?!" I could think of no reply.
What was going on? The answer is that my boyfriend and I had recently attended a one-month TM rounding course, where Maharishi lectured three times a day. Maharishi had taught us that meditating, and in particular rounding, was the most important thing we could do for the "evolution of the universe." So my boyfriend and I were both responding to Maharishi's persuasive words, pounded into our brains with the sledgehammer of rounding.
What might be a re-empowered, sane alternate ending? Perhaps it would be me saying,"I lent you that money with the understanding that you would pay me back as soon as your emergency passed. I did not volunteer to subsidize your contribution to the evolution of the universe. If that is your personal goal, fine. Amass some money and attend a TM course. But how dare you make me an involuntary patron of your dream."
2. When I worked at Livingston Manor, NY, USA as a volunteer/work-study student in 1975-76, we were given room, board, credits towards TM courses, and $25 monthly stipend (for toothpaste, stamps, etc.) One day the word came down from on high that our clothes were too "hippie." We were told that we were not to wear leather sandals any more. We objected, partly due to the expense. "Now come on," the higher ups told us, "you ladies can buy some very nice boots (boots were in style that year) for not much, only about $25." There was a brief awkward pause, as I, and I assume other volunteers, were thinking, "$25? That's the money I need for my toothpaste and shampoo. That's how much I earn in an entire month!" But I didn't say anything, and neither did anyone else.
Why not? Maybe because I was trained by the TM organization to not complain, to sit on my doubts, to not express an independent attitude. We were afraid of being considered troublemakers. We were often shut up with, "Well, this is Maharishi's express wish." That announcement would be followed by an ominous? an awkward? silence, in which it was implied that if you still disagreed, you were not a trustworthy member of the community.
What would have been an empowered, sane response? The volunteers could have said, "You're only giving us $25 a month. There's no way we can afford new clothes on that stipend. If you want us to buy new clothes, you need to raise our stipend." And then we should have all stuck to it.
3. Around 1974, a TM teacher I knew who had an engineering degree would get himself a high-paying full time engineering job. After six months, he would earn enough money to take a 6-week ATR ("advanced training and rest" rounding for TM teachers) course. At that point, he would quit his job and go on the course. (Six weeks were the longest courses they had back in those days!) After the ATR, he would start looking for another engineering job. The interviewers would naturally question him about his spotty work history: "You keep leaving your jobs after six months! Why should we hire you?" "Oh, no!" he would assure them, "Those days are passed. From now on I intend to keep my job for years." Companies kept hiring him, and he continued to quit after six months to go on another ATR, and then look for a new job again.
Rationale: Since we had been taught that TM was the best thing we could possibly do for ourselves, and that the more TM we did, the more we would have "support of nature," and things would magically go right, he risked his financial stability, his reputation, his resume, his job stability, his chances for promotion, his chances for a pension, by continually quitting his jobs.
Saner alternative ending: Clearly, don't keep quitting your jobs. I don't know how long his luck held out or if he eventually stopped getting hired. It would take a giant re-evaluation of his entire belief system to change this behavior. "If it's possible that Maharishi is not telling the truth, that rounding isn't going to make my life magically work, then I have to have contingency plans, like keeping a job."
4. About 1978, a TM teacher/governor friend of mine got engaged to a TM teacher. He hadn't learned the sidhis, and he didn't have the money to pay for the sidhis course. So she lent him the $5,000 for the course. He attended part of the course, but halfway through he was kicked off for roaming around the roof at midnight when he couldn't sleep. He never did pay her back. She eventually broke off the engagement.
Rationale: If you believe that the TM-Sidhis makes everyone a new person, a person with magical abilities, life-supporting decision-making capabilities and the support of nature, then getting engaged to a grown man who doesn't have a penny to his name and is willing to borrow $5,000 from his fiancee to learn the TM-Sidhis seems like a sane decision.
Alternate, non-dysfunctional ending: "Well, I am attracted to you. But you don't have a job. And you don't have any money. I certainly am not going to get engaged to you, or loan you money. If you think the TM-Sidhis are a good thing, why don't you go out and get the money from somewhere - get a job, or get a loan (not from me), and attend the course. When you come back after the course, let's see if you're the changed person we believe you'll be. Let's see if you get a job. Let's see if you become responsible. I'll decide then if I want to marry you."
5. 1979-1981, I was on the "Creating Coherence Course" in Fairfield, Iowa, USA. I was hired by Sidha Corporation International to work at the Super Radiance Art Glass factory. I was promised room, board, the ongoing course (use of the meditation hall and evening meetings) and $75/month stipend. For two months, all C.C.C. course participants working at the factory got everything promised, including the $75. The third month, our supervisor told us that the company wasn't making enough money, and they could only afford to pay us $30 each. No one protested. After that month, they never gave us a stipend again, for the 12 months I continued to work there. No one complained. No one said a word.
Interpretation: I, and I assume the others, felt like I was part of something giant and wonderful. I was helping to create world peace. (Remember, Bevan said, "If you leave Fairfield, you are personally responsible for World War III.") Also, I was scared to complain. If I did, they might have labeled me a "troublemaker" or an "unstresser" or "ungrateful," and then I might get kicked off the course, or denied admission to advanced courses. And I was too spaced out from meditating five hours a day to be able to think it through clearly. I assumed that if a TM-owned company was making the decision, it must be a "life-supporting" decision. I also didn't want to complain to outside authorities and make the TM movement "look bad."
Saner solution: Discuss the situation with the other course participants. Come up with a plan, such as to threaten to quit if we were not paid the stipend we were promised, or to report the company to outside authorities.
6. 1981, M.I.U., Fairfield, Iowa, USA. I was friends with some work/study kitchen staff. They got room, board, an ongoing course (use of the meditation hall and evening meetings) and $75/month stipend. There was a special event - a TM fund-raising banquet in the campus' fanciest dining room. My friends cooked for, set up, and were allowed to attend the banquet, along with the rich contributors. After a fabulous meal and inspiring speeches, rich attendees promised hundreds and thousands of dollars for the latest TM venture (possibly the construction of the meditation domes at M.I.U.). My friends, inspired by the event, stood up and pledged half their stipends for as long as they worked at M.I.U. towards the project. I was horrified. What a sacrifice, to give up $37 a month, and to try to live on $37 a month. Let the wealthy people who could afford it do the contributing.
Interpretation: Guilt-tripping. Group pressure. Desire to feel important. Desire to feel part of something important.
Re-empowered alternate ending: Staff resist pressure, and do not pledge any money. Even better, demand a full accounting of all the finances of the TMO, and ask for a raise.
7. 1981, M.I.U. I had some stocks my parents had given me, and I was trying to figure out how to invest my new wealth most wisely. Some course participants overheard me, and encouraged me to buy an "investment ruby" through them. They encouraged me to sell my stocks, at a 30% loss, and to throw in most of my own personal savings, to buy the ruby. When I expressed reluctance, the broker actually shouted at me, "That's Age of Ignorance thinking!" He said that rubies were going to go up tremendously in value. After all, we were all sidhas, living in a community of sidhas, and any decisions we made would have the support of nature. He also emphasized that I had better invest immediately, before the prices started going up. Part of "Age of Ignorance thinking," he said, was that if you think negatively, then it was going to happen.
I had always been taught to "not put all your eggs in one basket," and I knew that before you invest, you should do plenty of research, and I also had been taught not to speculate - that "if it looks too good to be true, it probably isn't." However, those were rules for non-sidhas, and they didn't seem so persuasive against the broker's arguments. I did try to discuss my reservations with a friend, but she refused to talk with me about it, saying, "I can't give you any advice, because that would be going against Maharishi's latest instructions that we should all be self-sufficient." Not knowing what else to do, I did sell my stocks at a loss, and added in most of my personal savings, as the broker recommended, and bought the ruby. Within a year, the ruby's value had gone down to almost nothing. I now was virtually penniless. I lived hand-to-mouth for about four years after that, working desperately trying to make ends meet. During those four years, I remember having $2 in my bank account. I remember sneaking the rent envelope out of the mailbox because I didn't have the money to pay my rent. I remember carrying two meals in my knapsack because I couldn't afford to eat out. I remember picking wild apples and wild lettuce in Boston parks because I couldn't afford to eat out. I remember wanting to see a doctor for a suspicious skin condition, but not going because I didn't have the $20.
Why: Brainwashed. Magical thinking. After 1.5 years of hearing daily videos of Maharishi, I believed in the infallible ability of sidhas to have "support of nature," and in the collective power of groups of sidhas. Due to 1.5 years of rounding, I couldn't think it through clearly.
New empowered ending: Take my time, and research investment alternatives. Do not be swayed by TM thinking. But how much work and effort would that have entailed? Would it have even been possible, considering the environment I was immersed in?
So, there you have it - a few of my TM and money memories. How about you? Do you have a story you'd like to share, about how you, or someone you knew, acted "funny around money" due to their immersion in Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's belief system?
To start the ball rolling, I will share seven true stories from my TM days of "acting funny around money." Some of these stories are humorous, but some of them have tragic outcomes. I think they all reflect how Maharishi's teachings wreaked havoc with our sanity around money.
1. When I was about 19, in 1972, I lent my boyfriend $100 for some emergency. He promised he would repay me. A few months later, I asked him for the money back. He didn't have it; however, he admitted that he had recently attended a TM weekend residence course. I was angry. "How could you go off and spend money on a vacation when you still owed me money?" He replied huffily, "Well, which is more important for the evolution of the universe? Returning the money to you, or going on a residence course?!" I could think of no reply.
What was going on? The answer is that my boyfriend and I had recently attended a one-month TM rounding course, where Maharishi lectured three times a day. Maharishi had taught us that meditating, and in particular rounding, was the most important thing we could do for the "evolution of the universe." So my boyfriend and I were both responding to Maharishi's persuasive words, pounded into our brains with the sledgehammer of rounding.
What might be a re-empowered, sane alternate ending? Perhaps it would be me saying,"I lent you that money with the understanding that you would pay me back as soon as your emergency passed. I did not volunteer to subsidize your contribution to the evolution of the universe. If that is your personal goal, fine. Amass some money and attend a TM course. But how dare you make me an involuntary patron of your dream."
2. When I worked at Livingston Manor, NY, USA as a volunteer/work-study student in 1975-76, we were given room, board, credits towards TM courses, and $25 monthly stipend (for toothpaste, stamps, etc.) One day the word came down from on high that our clothes were too "hippie." We were told that we were not to wear leather sandals any more. We objected, partly due to the expense. "Now come on," the higher ups told us, "you ladies can buy some very nice boots (boots were in style that year) for not much, only about $25." There was a brief awkward pause, as I, and I assume other volunteers, were thinking, "$25? That's the money I need for my toothpaste and shampoo. That's how much I earn in an entire month!" But I didn't say anything, and neither did anyone else.
Why not? Maybe because I was trained by the TM organization to not complain, to sit on my doubts, to not express an independent attitude. We were afraid of being considered troublemakers. We were often shut up with, "Well, this is Maharishi's express wish." That announcement would be followed by an ominous? an awkward? silence, in which it was implied that if you still disagreed, you were not a trustworthy member of the community.
What would have been an empowered, sane response? The volunteers could have said, "You're only giving us $25 a month. There's no way we can afford new clothes on that stipend. If you want us to buy new clothes, you need to raise our stipend." And then we should have all stuck to it.
3. Around 1974, a TM teacher I knew who had an engineering degree would get himself a high-paying full time engineering job. After six months, he would earn enough money to take a 6-week ATR ("advanced training and rest" rounding for TM teachers) course. At that point, he would quit his job and go on the course. (Six weeks were the longest courses they had back in those days!) After the ATR, he would start looking for another engineering job. The interviewers would naturally question him about his spotty work history: "You keep leaving your jobs after six months! Why should we hire you?" "Oh, no!" he would assure them, "Those days are passed. From now on I intend to keep my job for years." Companies kept hiring him, and he continued to quit after six months to go on another ATR, and then look for a new job again.
Rationale: Since we had been taught that TM was the best thing we could possibly do for ourselves, and that the more TM we did, the more we would have "support of nature," and things would magically go right, he risked his financial stability, his reputation, his resume, his job stability, his chances for promotion, his chances for a pension, by continually quitting his jobs.
Saner alternative ending: Clearly, don't keep quitting your jobs. I don't know how long his luck held out or if he eventually stopped getting hired. It would take a giant re-evaluation of his entire belief system to change this behavior. "If it's possible that Maharishi is not telling the truth, that rounding isn't going to make my life magically work, then I have to have contingency plans, like keeping a job."
4. About 1978, a TM teacher/governor friend of mine got engaged to a TM teacher. He hadn't learned the sidhis, and he didn't have the money to pay for the sidhis course. So she lent him the $5,000 for the course. He attended part of the course, but halfway through he was kicked off for roaming around the roof at midnight when he couldn't sleep. He never did pay her back. She eventually broke off the engagement.
Rationale: If you believe that the TM-Sidhis makes everyone a new person, a person with magical abilities, life-supporting decision-making capabilities and the support of nature, then getting engaged to a grown man who doesn't have a penny to his name and is willing to borrow $5,000 from his fiancee to learn the TM-Sidhis seems like a sane decision.
Alternate, non-dysfunctional ending: "Well, I am attracted to you. But you don't have a job. And you don't have any money. I certainly am not going to get engaged to you, or loan you money. If you think the TM-Sidhis are a good thing, why don't you go out and get the money from somewhere - get a job, or get a loan (not from me), and attend the course. When you come back after the course, let's see if you're the changed person we believe you'll be. Let's see if you get a job. Let's see if you become responsible. I'll decide then if I want to marry you."
5. 1979-1981, I was on the "Creating Coherence Course" in Fairfield, Iowa, USA. I was hired by Sidha Corporation International to work at the Super Radiance Art Glass factory. I was promised room, board, the ongoing course (use of the meditation hall and evening meetings) and $75/month stipend. For two months, all C.C.C. course participants working at the factory got everything promised, including the $75. The third month, our supervisor told us that the company wasn't making enough money, and they could only afford to pay us $30 each. No one protested. After that month, they never gave us a stipend again, for the 12 months I continued to work there. No one complained. No one said a word.
Interpretation: I, and I assume the others, felt like I was part of something giant and wonderful. I was helping to create world peace. (Remember, Bevan said, "If you leave Fairfield, you are personally responsible for World War III.") Also, I was scared to complain. If I did, they might have labeled me a "troublemaker" or an "unstresser" or "ungrateful," and then I might get kicked off the course, or denied admission to advanced courses. And I was too spaced out from meditating five hours a day to be able to think it through clearly. I assumed that if a TM-owned company was making the decision, it must be a "life-supporting" decision. I also didn't want to complain to outside authorities and make the TM movement "look bad."
Saner solution: Discuss the situation with the other course participants. Come up with a plan, such as to threaten to quit if we were not paid the stipend we were promised, or to report the company to outside authorities.
6. 1981, M.I.U., Fairfield, Iowa, USA. I was friends with some work/study kitchen staff. They got room, board, an ongoing course (use of the meditation hall and evening meetings) and $75/month stipend. There was a special event - a TM fund-raising banquet in the campus' fanciest dining room. My friends cooked for, set up, and were allowed to attend the banquet, along with the rich contributors. After a fabulous meal and inspiring speeches, rich attendees promised hundreds and thousands of dollars for the latest TM venture (possibly the construction of the meditation domes at M.I.U.). My friends, inspired by the event, stood up and pledged half their stipends for as long as they worked at M.I.U. towards the project. I was horrified. What a sacrifice, to give up $37 a month, and to try to live on $37 a month. Let the wealthy people who could afford it do the contributing.
Interpretation: Guilt-tripping. Group pressure. Desire to feel important. Desire to feel part of something important.
Re-empowered alternate ending: Staff resist pressure, and do not pledge any money. Even better, demand a full accounting of all the finances of the TMO, and ask for a raise.
7. 1981, M.I.U. I had some stocks my parents had given me, and I was trying to figure out how to invest my new wealth most wisely. Some course participants overheard me, and encouraged me to buy an "investment ruby" through them. They encouraged me to sell my stocks, at a 30% loss, and to throw in most of my own personal savings, to buy the ruby. When I expressed reluctance, the broker actually shouted at me, "That's Age of Ignorance thinking!" He said that rubies were going to go up tremendously in value. After all, we were all sidhas, living in a community of sidhas, and any decisions we made would have the support of nature. He also emphasized that I had better invest immediately, before the prices started going up. Part of "Age of Ignorance thinking," he said, was that if you think negatively, then it was going to happen.
I had always been taught to "not put all your eggs in one basket," and I knew that before you invest, you should do plenty of research, and I also had been taught not to speculate - that "if it looks too good to be true, it probably isn't." However, those were rules for non-sidhas, and they didn't seem so persuasive against the broker's arguments. I did try to discuss my reservations with a friend, but she refused to talk with me about it, saying, "I can't give you any advice, because that would be going against Maharishi's latest instructions that we should all be self-sufficient." Not knowing what else to do, I did sell my stocks at a loss, and added in most of my personal savings, as the broker recommended, and bought the ruby. Within a year, the ruby's value had gone down to almost nothing. I now was virtually penniless. I lived hand-to-mouth for about four years after that, working desperately trying to make ends meet. During those four years, I remember having $2 in my bank account. I remember sneaking the rent envelope out of the mailbox because I didn't have the money to pay my rent. I remember carrying two meals in my knapsack because I couldn't afford to eat out. I remember picking wild apples and wild lettuce in Boston parks because I couldn't afford to eat out. I remember wanting to see a doctor for a suspicious skin condition, but not going because I didn't have the $20.
Why: Brainwashed. Magical thinking. After 1.5 years of hearing daily videos of Maharishi, I believed in the infallible ability of sidhas to have "support of nature," and in the collective power of groups of sidhas. Due to 1.5 years of rounding, I couldn't think it through clearly.
New empowered ending: Take my time, and research investment alternatives. Do not be swayed by TM thinking. But how much work and effort would that have entailed? Would it have even been possible, considering the environment I was immersed in?
So, there you have it - a few of my TM and money memories. How about you? Do you have a story you'd like to share, about how you, or someone you knew, acted "funny around money" due to their immersion in Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's belief system?
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Transcendental Paranoia
by Gina Catena, M.S.
Coercive Persuasion, “thought reform,” or “brainwashing” includes taboos against speaking truth. While under the influence, we felt secure and safe in our paradigm. We knew privileged secrets, advanced techniques, mantras and higher level “knowledge” as provided on special courses. We believed, and told outsiders, the scripted benefits of TM and memorized Hinduesque teachings.
Amongst ourselves we chuckled about the Movement’s financial shenanigans, Nazi-like environmental and social control on courses. Still we feared speaking forth to detail others’ psychosis, suicides, wild antics, hidden sexual and drug abuse –in the interest of protecting our teachings and the Movement’s reputation.
We believed in our higher purpose - to uphold the Movement’s integrity and not allow negative press to befall upon our beloved Maharishi, while MMY’s Shrivastara family lived in comfort from our families’ contributions.
Secrets began with instruction of our mantra, never to be repeated aloud, “for our own benefit.” Little by little, we acclimated to organized scrutiny for deemed worthiness, and increasing levels of security “for our own benefit,” as we advanced.
Transcendental Paranoia was instilled from the beginning. We navigated through detailed interviews and applications for advanced courses, letters of recommendation from Initiators or Governors of the Age of Enlightenment (we were denied copies of our files or applications). We proved our allegiance to the “purity of the teachings.” We carried validated photo identification badges to enter meetings, group meditations, and even for some functions at satellite TM centers around the world. We accepted when the “Capital of the Age of Enlightenment” staff told us that our identity cards were the Capital’s property, not ours, to be relinquished if we left.
If we explored other venues, we were afraid of being identified as unfaithful to Maharishi. Many lied on TM program applications, denying exploration of other spiritual teachers, meditation practices or psychotherapy to assure their continued group acceptance (demonstrating a lack of true help!).
We kept secrets to maintain our “spiritual evolution” and allegiance to the Movement, our beloved and dysfunctional “TM-family.” Fear of the truth was deeply ingrained.
We ignored negative press from outside of the Movement, and blamed our communities’ tragedies upon “unstressing,” “purification,” or individual “bad karma.” We attributed all problems to individual shortcomings, all good was attributed gratefully to TM and Maharishi. “Jai Guru Dev” (Exaltations to Guru Dev). More Secrets.
After leaving the Movement, many do not disclose TM-histories with outsiders, lest we betray loved ones, or become stigmatized from the outside world. Likewise, I remained silent for nearly 20 years, while living a double life.
An innate anxiety often arises when disclosing details of our TM Movement/cult with outsiders. Common themes are: “My TM-based loved ones will reject me. They were well intentioned. They are not bad people. What will I have left if they reject me?”
Revealing our TM background knowledge can provoke anxiety precisely because, in speaking forth, we run counter to deeply ingrained patterns. The famed TM “bubble diagram” of transcending to the source of thought, applies to the depth of our brainwashing when in a trance state. The blend of group belonging, fear of ignorant outsiders, and reverence for our “sacred tradition’ were planted deep in our primal brain. Many fear legal retribution, verbal assaults, and rejection from loved ones if they speak of their TM past.
Fear of group rejection is a protective biological mechanism. A primitive lifestyle requires group effort for human survival. In the wild, tribal rejection equals certain death. That is why we want to maintain our group membership.
For silent former TM-ers, your anxiety is real, psychologically and biologically understandable – but not necessary. We won’t die if we reveal our past to the world. What a liberating thought!
Former TMers may also experience anxiety speaking of their history, wondering how this will influence their integration to a new community, “How will outsiders understand? “They will think I’m insane of they know my history.” “How will this stymie me professionally?” “None can understand how I participated in such ridiculousness.” They won’t understand why I continue to love those who remain in the cult.” Or “They won’t understand why I did not leave sooner.”
From sheer embarrassment, many MIU/ MUM graduates struggle with their alma mater on their professional resume. They try “MI University” or “M International University” or other derivatives. Job interviews may focus upon justifying their education rather than upon employment qualifications, while explaining that Maharishi International University really is an accredited private university (meeting minimum standards of academic literacy). Oftentimes, the desired job is not offered because the interviewer was distracted by the story of Maharishi’s exotic university.
Shakespeare’s wisdom, “To be or not to be, that is the question” is appropriate here. To be true to one self includes choosing whether to speak forth or maintain privacy about a cult past. Speaking forth is a highly personal choice. There is not a right nor wrong.
Cult experts (some are now personal friends), often state, “True recovery requires cutting all ties to the cult.”
I disagree with them on this point, and I tell them so. For those raised in a cult, sharing our history may result in rejection from our loved ones of origin. Then where do we turn?
At the 2006 trial for Warren Jeffs, president of the polygamist cult of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (not TM related), a young teenage bride refused to speak when called to testify in court. She was arrested for contempt of court. This reveals lack of understanding of the great emotional and psychological risk to which the court system placed this young girl, by asking her to publicly describe her confusing family and community. If she spoke of her knowledge, she would have lost all that she knew and had nowhere to turn. Of course she kept the ugly secrets, because her identity, life and loved ones are with the controversial community.
The young woman in Jeffs' trial, above, experienced an acute crises of any cult-raised person's inner conflict. Maintaining connections to family of origin, requires continuing to live with shrouds of secrecy. Speaking truth as a whole person, removing the shrouds, risks rejection from family and community of origin accompanied by possible social or professional stigmas elsewhere. It may be a painful choice.
One friend was raised in a different highly publicized cult outside of North America. She attends graduate school in the USA, is married to an American: they are raising their family. She keeps her history private, even to the instructors in her graduate psychotherapy studies. Media publicity about her cult-family is scathing. She chooses silence to protect her children from social repercussions if her history were public knowledge.
She states, “Even experienced therapists and most psychology professors don’t understand about children raised in cults. Many therapists assume we are psychotic, have split personalities or other severe disorders. There were some terrible situations and tragedies. But many of us survived and are functional after several years of painful personal soul searching. We became well after years of wrenching inner work. Therapists will label us too quickly.”
Through her silence, my friend protects her children from social stigma, and from rejection by cult-grandparents. I had chosen the same until my children were grown.
In coming forth, I sadly accept that loved ones from my TM past will reject me as being “of the dark side.” One dear old TM-friend recently glared at me saying I was “flirting with the enemy.” After my well-circulated letter to the San Rafael School Board, a revered TM leader, with whom I'd had a decades long relationship, told me, "May God have mercy on your soul. Do not contact me ever again." I was prepared for rejection from those of my history. Others might not be willing to risk such loss.
Speaking forth is a highly individual decision. Some choose anonymity; some prefer silence about their TM histories. Coming forth brings rewards at a price.
If you read this and are anxious about speaking, please do not berate yourself. There is deeply ingrained programming against coming forth. It takes awhile to untangle. It is important to have others who will emotionally support your honesty and courage, rather than ostracize you for your honesty.
If you choose to come forth, your voice will become stronger with practice. However, It is equally valid to silently hold your history, memories, and loved ones near and dear to your heart.
Vaya con Dios
Coercive Persuasion, “thought reform,” or “brainwashing” includes taboos against speaking truth. While under the influence, we felt secure and safe in our paradigm. We knew privileged secrets, advanced techniques, mantras and higher level “knowledge” as provided on special courses. We believed, and told outsiders, the scripted benefits of TM and memorized Hinduesque teachings.
Amongst ourselves we chuckled about the Movement’s financial shenanigans, Nazi-like environmental and social control on courses. Still we feared speaking forth to detail others’ psychosis, suicides, wild antics, hidden sexual and drug abuse –in the interest of protecting our teachings and the Movement’s reputation.
We believed in our higher purpose - to uphold the Movement’s integrity and not allow negative press to befall upon our beloved Maharishi, while MMY’s Shrivastara family lived in comfort from our families’ contributions.
Secrets began with instruction of our mantra, never to be repeated aloud, “for our own benefit.” Little by little, we acclimated to organized scrutiny for deemed worthiness, and increasing levels of security “for our own benefit,” as we advanced.
Transcendental Paranoia was instilled from the beginning. We navigated through detailed interviews and applications for advanced courses, letters of recommendation from Initiators or Governors of the Age of Enlightenment (we were denied copies of our files or applications). We proved our allegiance to the “purity of the teachings.” We carried validated photo identification badges to enter meetings, group meditations, and even for some functions at satellite TM centers around the world. We accepted when the “Capital of the Age of Enlightenment” staff told us that our identity cards were the Capital’s property, not ours, to be relinquished if we left.
If we explored other venues, we were afraid of being identified as unfaithful to Maharishi. Many lied on TM program applications, denying exploration of other spiritual teachers, meditation practices or psychotherapy to assure their continued group acceptance (demonstrating a lack of true help!).
We kept secrets to maintain our “spiritual evolution” and allegiance to the Movement, our beloved and dysfunctional “TM-family.” Fear of the truth was deeply ingrained.
We ignored negative press from outside of the Movement, and blamed our communities’ tragedies upon “unstressing,” “purification,” or individual “bad karma.” We attributed all problems to individual shortcomings, all good was attributed gratefully to TM and Maharishi. “Jai Guru Dev” (Exaltations to Guru Dev). More Secrets.
After leaving the Movement, many do not disclose TM-histories with outsiders, lest we betray loved ones, or become stigmatized from the outside world. Likewise, I remained silent for nearly 20 years, while living a double life.
An innate anxiety often arises when disclosing details of our TM Movement/cult with outsiders. Common themes are: “My TM-based loved ones will reject me. They were well intentioned. They are not bad people. What will I have left if they reject me?”
Revealing our TM background knowledge can provoke anxiety precisely because, in speaking forth, we run counter to deeply ingrained patterns. The famed TM “bubble diagram” of transcending to the source of thought, applies to the depth of our brainwashing when in a trance state. The blend of group belonging, fear of ignorant outsiders, and reverence for our “sacred tradition’ were planted deep in our primal brain. Many fear legal retribution, verbal assaults, and rejection from loved ones if they speak of their TM past.
Fear of group rejection is a protective biological mechanism. A primitive lifestyle requires group effort for human survival. In the wild, tribal rejection equals certain death. That is why we want to maintain our group membership.
For silent former TM-ers, your anxiety is real, psychologically and biologically understandable – but not necessary. We won’t die if we reveal our past to the world. What a liberating thought!
Former TMers may also experience anxiety speaking of their history, wondering how this will influence their integration to a new community, “How will outsiders understand? “They will think I’m insane of they know my history.” “How will this stymie me professionally?” “None can understand how I participated in such ridiculousness.” They won’t understand why I continue to love those who remain in the cult.” Or “They won’t understand why I did not leave sooner.”
From sheer embarrassment, many MIU/ MUM graduates struggle with their alma mater on their professional resume. They try “MI University” or “M International University” or other derivatives. Job interviews may focus upon justifying their education rather than upon employment qualifications, while explaining that Maharishi International University really is an accredited private university (meeting minimum standards of academic literacy). Oftentimes, the desired job is not offered because the interviewer was distracted by the story of Maharishi’s exotic university.
Shakespeare’s wisdom, “To be or not to be, that is the question” is appropriate here. To be true to one self includes choosing whether to speak forth or maintain privacy about a cult past. Speaking forth is a highly personal choice. There is not a right nor wrong.
Cult experts (some are now personal friends), often state, “True recovery requires cutting all ties to the cult.”
I disagree with them on this point, and I tell them so. For those raised in a cult, sharing our history may result in rejection from our loved ones of origin. Then where do we turn?
At the 2006 trial for Warren Jeffs, president of the polygamist cult of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (not TM related), a young teenage bride refused to speak when called to testify in court. She was arrested for contempt of court. This reveals lack of understanding of the great emotional and psychological risk to which the court system placed this young girl, by asking her to publicly describe her confusing family and community. If she spoke of her knowledge, she would have lost all that she knew and had nowhere to turn. Of course she kept the ugly secrets, because her identity, life and loved ones are with the controversial community.
The young woman in Jeffs' trial, above, experienced an acute crises of any cult-raised person's inner conflict. Maintaining connections to family of origin, requires continuing to live with shrouds of secrecy. Speaking truth as a whole person, removing the shrouds, risks rejection from family and community of origin accompanied by possible social or professional stigmas elsewhere. It may be a painful choice.
One friend was raised in a different highly publicized cult outside of North America. She attends graduate school in the USA, is married to an American: they are raising their family. She keeps her history private, even to the instructors in her graduate psychotherapy studies. Media publicity about her cult-family is scathing. She chooses silence to protect her children from social repercussions if her history were public knowledge.
She states, “Even experienced therapists and most psychology professors don’t understand about children raised in cults. Many therapists assume we are psychotic, have split personalities or other severe disorders. There were some terrible situations and tragedies. But many of us survived and are functional after several years of painful personal soul searching. We became well after years of wrenching inner work. Therapists will label us too quickly.”
Through her silence, my friend protects her children from social stigma, and from rejection by cult-grandparents. I had chosen the same until my children were grown.
In coming forth, I sadly accept that loved ones from my TM past will reject me as being “of the dark side.” One dear old TM-friend recently glared at me saying I was “flirting with the enemy.” After my well-circulated letter to the San Rafael School Board, a revered TM leader, with whom I'd had a decades long relationship, told me, "May God have mercy on your soul. Do not contact me ever again." I was prepared for rejection from those of my history. Others might not be willing to risk such loss.
Speaking forth is a highly individual decision. Some choose anonymity; some prefer silence about their TM histories. Coming forth brings rewards at a price.
If you read this and are anxious about speaking, please do not berate yourself. There is deeply ingrained programming against coming forth. It takes awhile to untangle. It is important to have others who will emotionally support your honesty and courage, rather than ostracize you for your honesty.
If you choose to come forth, your voice will become stronger with practice. However, It is equally valid to silently hold your history, memories, and loved ones near and dear to your heart.
Vaya con Dios
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
OFF TOPIC: Threats to TM-Free Contributor
To give our readers some idea of the darker corners of the TM Org, I reproduce below without change a posting from yesterday on the Yahoo Group Maharishi_Mahesh_Yogi. We believe this posting from Frank Lotz violates the first rule of Yahoo Groups positing: "1. You may not harass, abuse, threaten, or advocate violence against other members or individuals or groups." We reproduce it here in a public forum -- as well as report it to Yahoo -- to protect our contributor, Paul Mason:
Dear Freiends "Mr. Mason" is a enemy to Maharishis Movement, now I understand why Maharishi keeps His Movment away from England. To much devils are still hanging around there!
Now we know to whom "Paul", “the wolf in disguise" belongs:
He is an Asura indeed.
This website is more then disgusting...
In the end at last you will reap the outcome of your asuric action.
This website is supported by the church, CIA and Blair Administration
It is a pity, that now one can kick him out here!
All Glory to His Holiness Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
and my the Dewas get rid of these evil minded people, a shame to spiritual life
Frank
No more further comments
A shame that this man/or is he actually one, not sure!
At the Time of Kurrukshetra I would be handle you & your “stupid friends” different , within one second the thing would be done and send you all straight away back to hell from where you all come!
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