Documentary on Scientology airing March 29

HBO (Home Box Office cable television network) is airing a highly-acclaimed documentary on Scientology tomorrow night, Sunday, March 29, at 8 pm.  I am posting this information on TMFree because one of the interviewees, Paul Haggis, a former high-level Scientologist, talks about mind-control and high-demand organizations with such brilliance and insight that readers who have been in TM may feel a shock of recognition at his words. 

 The documentary is entitled "Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Faith."  Haggis here responds to attack pieces that Scientology has already produced in advance of the HBO airing:

"...Despite what is being said in their rather pathetic attack pieces on me, I was very involved in Scientology for most of my adult life. While I thought the OT levels ["Operating Thetan" - somewhat parallel to TM's "enlightenment" or "cosmic consciousness"- Laurie's editorial note] madness, I used many Scientology precepts in my daily life — so much so that it took several years after leaving to actually question the many “self-help” concepts that I had learned and used.  The slow indoctrination process is as subtle as it is dangerous — largely because you truly believe that you are thinking for yourself, when in fact you are discouraged to do anything of the sort.
 
Paradoxically, there is great pride in belonging to a stigmatized group. It’s like being in love with a narcissist. All your friends will warn you that you are just being used. You understand why they think what they think, but you believe in your heart that they just don’t see what you see. You just tune them out. 

For that reason, when I did discover what many outside the church [of Scientology] knew, I was truly shocked. While some of the information had been out there for many years, like all Scientologists, I refused to look. Yes, I was told not to, but I didn’t have to be [obedient].  This was my group and I knew there to be many people in the world who were bigoted and close-minded; and when I was told that we were “under attack” in Germany or France or wherever, instead of looking for the reasons, I assumed this to be the case — and donated many thousands of dollars toward our “defense.” Yes, there was considerable duress involved in those “donations,” but if I didn’t honestly believe what I was being told I would not have handed over such large sums.  It makes little or no sense in retrospect, and it’s very hard to understand unless you’ve been a part of a marginalized group. 

While I was a constant thorn in the side of the [Scientology] executives, questioning practices I thought unjust, it never crossed my mind to voice my concerns outside the organization. In fact, even after I sent my letter of resignation, I maintained a great fondness for “The Old Man."  [L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology.]  Yes, he was a rogue, and he might have gone insane later in life, I thought, but I still believed he had put together a pretty workable system for steering through life. Even then, I might have been outraged by injustices I witnessed or heard about, but I dropped the blame at the doorstep of David Miscavige and company [Scientology's leaders.]  

Miscavige, I later discovered to my amusement, never liked or trusted me — in his eyes I was a bad Scientologist — which I admit myself. I was told he was angered that I wasn’t “deferential enough,” and that I asked too many questions, even if internally.  

Too many, and as it turned out, not near enough.
 
It took years after leaving to understand that these practices I railed against had always been at the core of Scientology — that Miscavige was just very faithfully, if cynically, following L. Ron Hubbard’s cruel playbook. The reason this was hard to believe is exactly because of the duplicitous nature of Hubbard’s writing. He wrote tomes on the practice and necessity of critical thought; how nothing should be accepted at face value. His “ethics formulas” stress that when making a difficult decision you have to push aside all personal bias and truly look at what people are doing, not just what they are saying. “Look, don’t listen” is oft repeated advice — but it is advice given to the blind. All these high-minded teachings are useless when you factor in the thing you are never allowed to question — Scientology, its teachings, practices and leadership.
 
Somehow Scientologists are able to accept those incongruous and contradictory thoughts.  For example, they truly believe that only Scientology can save the world, and that they are making major strides in this direction every year. They hold onto this belief despite the fact that there isn’t even a modicum of evidence that they are having even the tiniest impact on any problem in any part of the globe.  Scientologists simply accept the assurances of the church leaders that it is so. To the contrary, volumes of compelling evidence from unimpeachable sources that the... organization has done and is doing serious damage to thousands of people is dismissed before it is ever inspected.

That’s what will happen to "Going Clear." At least that’s what the church hopes happens. Without even watching it, my former friends will condemn it as lies. You see it happening already. Understand that many of these Scientologists are damn smart people; many of them truly lovely and caring. But they are the same people who will not hesitate to cut their closest friend or family member out of their lives if they commit the ultimate crime of criticizing the church. You could do anything else and they would stand by you; commit any crime and they would be there to defend you. But not this.
 
I believe this is because somewhere in the back of their heads they know, as I did, that the very act of questioning could bring down their entire belief system. They have been slowly but surely trained to believe that if you don’t agree with something that [Hubbard] wrote, you just don’t understand it. Questioning anything means questioning everything. Even the slightest crack in that belief system could spread into a fissure. They cannot afford or allow the smallest doubt, because if it took root, their perfect world — a world where there is an answer to every one of life’s questions — could fall apart around them, and they would be left, like the rest of us, searching in the dark for their own answers in an uncertain world. Which brings to mind something a true genius wrote: “Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack, in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” For the sake of my former friends, many of whom I loved, I hope that "Going Clear" is the first crack, that they will watch it, and the light will slip in."

 — Paul Haggis

Yogic Flying and Post Hypnotic Suggestion

Following Maharishi’s tradition of brainwashing ridiculousness, and the power of post-hypnotic suggestion, you are invited to attend tomorrow’s “Yogic Flying Competition”. True Believers who paid thousands of dollars to learn the phrase “relationship of body and akasha - lightness of cotton fiber” will squeeze their gluteus maximus muscles with enough force to bounce upon high density rebound foam in the name of spiritual awakening and manipulating natural law to defy gravity.

Cookies will be served as gastronomic reinforcement of juvenile psychology.  Per the flyer below, you may also see an EEG brainwave demonstration - we assume to show, once again, how Transcendental Meditation creates coherent brainwaves.  TM teachers fail to mention that no one knows the significance of synchronous brainwaves.  It is known that comatose states and death also create synchronous brainwaves.

        If readers of TM-Free Blog attend tomorrow’s demonstration, we will be happy to share your photos and reviews of the session. 

Recovering from Transcendental Meditation, part 2012

For many, recovering from TM takes a lifetime.  So if you're still recovering after many decades, don't lose hope, and don't berate yourself.  It's normal.

I hope that some day there will be better techniques available to help people recover more quickly.  Right now, the best advice is to learn about mind control.  Other things that help are:  conversations with other former members, physical exercise, practicing real-life skills that you lost (or never learned if you were raised in a cult), psychotherapy, residential recovery centers, continued reading about destructive cults.  One exit counsellor suggested writing down every single thing you remember from your time in the destructive cult.

Gina (a co-contributor to this blog - see panel on the right) published a post on this blog, ("Psychotherapy with Former Cult Members" posted September 2, 2011;  http://tmfree.blogspot.com/2011/09/psychotherapy-with-former-cult-members.html), in which she informed the readers of a new Continuing Education Units course for psychotherapists.  I was moved to send the following e-mail to the teacher of this course, as follows:

From:  Laurie ------    

Date:  June 14, 2012 

To:  Patrick O'Reilly  

Subject:  Recovery for former destructive cult members

Dear Dr. O'Reilly:  

I am a friend of Gina Catena's, and like her, I am in recovery from the Transcendental Meditation (TM) organization. 

She showed me your excellent internet article on how therapists can help former cult members by encouraging them to learn about mind control.  I am grateful that you are putting the information about mind control and post-cult syndrome (which can masquerade as other mental health conditions) out there, and are offering a CEU course.

Since the psychological community is still at the beginning stages of learning how to help former destructive cult members, and since you are a leader in educating therapists on how to help cult victims, I hope it will be helpful for you if I share three additional steps that I had to go through in order to help me recover from my cult.

1.  I needed to learn information about my particular group - the specific lies that my particular group taught which kept me a believer.  Even though I already understood mind control, I still was a believer because of the 600 research studies I had been taught about, which proported to prove how marvelous TM was for every aspect of every person's life.  I had to read anti-TM websites to discover that TM experiments were usually biasedly designed and/or biasedly conducted in order to produce only positive results.  Also, I learned that some research had shown that TM sometimes produces unimpressive or harmful results, but that the TM organization had kept that information from us.

2.  I needed to talk to other former TMers who had been at my level of involvement in TM.  Even though I had spent over 20 years telling my TM experiences to sympathetic friends, therapists, and former TMers who had been at lower levels of TM involvement than I, TM memories continued to flood my mind.  However, when I finally found peers, and told them my memories, the memories finally stopped.  

3.  I have been in psychotherapy for many years.  By working on family-of-origin issues, TM has less and less hold over me.  

If these additional steps were necessary for me, then I assume there must be others out there who also need more than just education about mind control in order to recover from their destructive cult.

I hope this information is helpful to you.  Please feel free to contact me if I can be of assistance to you.

Please keep up the good work!  Thank you for what you are doing! 

Sincerely,

Laurie --------" 

I have been out of TM for 31 years, and I am still recovering.  As Sudarsha, a co-moderator for this site, has said, "You have to claw yourself out of the TM mindset, ('Maheshism') inch by inch."  For instance, it was only last month that I realized that part of the reason I eat a lot of nuts on my morning cereal is because Mahesh said that nuts were very good for you.

A problem I still have 31 years after leaving TM is my difficulty in learning new skills from books.  Before I got into TM, I had taught myself guitar, typing, shorthand and crocheting from books. But since leaving TM, I find it excruciatingly hard to learn new things from books, , like how to use a  computer or follow a recipe.  I think this is because when I try to learn something new, it activates the feelings I had when I was learning to "fly:"  "If you're don't 'fly' twice a day, you're wasting your life."

What stratagems have been helpful in your recovery from TM-brain?  In what areas are you still recovering?

Transcendental Meditation: What got you in? And what got you out? Part 1

I've been thinking back over my long strange journey through TM. How did I get so deeply embroiled? How did I get out? Maybe you've been musing over your own life too, or that of those you love who are still embroiled in TM. Here's my chronology. I hope reading it will help some TM-Free readers sort out their own experience.

- I was looking for a better life.
- I read "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahansa Yogananda. At the tender age of 16, I did not realize that autobiographies were not automatically truthful. The book excited me with the hope that Hinduism's yoga had something special to offer. I tried out Yogananda's teachings, but they did not satisfy me.
- I attended lectures of Swami Satchitananda, who fulfilled my expectations of what a yogi saint should be like. But I did not start his yoga because it seemed like a commitment to a lifestyle change and a difficult practice.
- I had friends who started TM and told me in awed tones what wonderful results it brought, and that it was very easy.
- I attended TM introductory lectures and was impressed by the scientific research, logic of the theory, and serenity of the initiators.
- I was impressed by my initiator's holy glow during the initiation ceremony. When I said my mantra, I felt it reverberate in my mouth and around the room in a mystical way. When I thought the mantra silently for the first time, I was transported to a magical place of inner peace and bliss. I felt euphoric, stoned, for the first three days that I did TM, and I noticed positive changes in myself in those first three days, too. All these things led me to believe that TM was a profound, life-changing spiritual technique.
- The initiators promised that by doing TM twice daily, the positive changes would continue to accumulate. Indeed, for the first few months that I did TM, I did notice small improvements in myself.
- I ran into some TMers who were gung-ho on TM as a method not only for self-improvement, but as the solution for all of life's problems. They encouraged me to attend a long TM course.
- I attended the course and rounded for one month. Maharishi was there in person and lectured several times a day. Also, a few prominent Western guest speakers - scientists, psychologists, astronauts, philosophers, educators, etc. - hailed the virtues of TM. Maharishi promised that TM would solve all problems of society. My brain was in a vulnerable, receptive state from all that sensory deprivation during rounding and from hearing only TM-positive opinions for one month. There was no questioning or challenging. As computer geeks say, "Garbage in, garbage out." It was so easy to be lulled into a dreamy, hopeful state of belief. I experienced Maharishi as giving off saintly emanations. He was charismatic, knowledgeable , charming, flattering, and convincing - and begged us to become TM initiators. It was so easy to fall, as the path of least resistance, into his belief system.
- I left the course a true believer, determined to become an initiator. It never occurred to me to research the opinions of TM skeptics.
- Originally, I believed what Maharishi taught because science and logic supported his system (or so I had been led to believe.) But gradually, unconsciously, I made the transition from "Maharishi says it because it's true" to "If Maharishi says it, then it's true." All my TM activities that followed hereafter just strengthened the belief system that I had now internalized. Residence courses, checker training, advanced lectures, TM teacher training, initiating, working at TM residential centers, learning the TM-Sidhi program, attending long rounding courses for world peace - no matter what Maharishi's latest invention or discovery or program was, Maharishi had to be right, and to question would be disloyal and foolishness.

How about you? Does any of this resonate for you? What got you in?

Coming next: Part 2: And what got you out?

The never ending journey, "Are we there yet?"

Discussing "M" - two Initiator-Governors discuss their views of Maharishi Mahesh

The authors of this email exchange shared their communication in the interest of furthering discussion of Maharishi Mahesh. Their discourse evolved in response to Bart Wilson's recent post "A Transcendental Meditation Governor Addresses TMFB Readers" .

Two long time Initiator/Governors articulately and respectfully express contrasting opinions of the man who influenced many of our lives. Please notice, unlike some post-TM discourses, they express opposing opinions with mutual respect. From their writing, it appears that both these Initiator - Governors spent time with Maharishi. The messages reveal rarely seen raw honesty, soul searching, and personal conclusions.

With their permission, this exchange is posted for those who seek others' insights into "M."

Moderators of this blog do not endorse the opinions expressed below. We merely provide a forum.

Respectful discussion is a valuable step in recovery.

moderator note : This is long and possibly of greatest relevance to those who were close to Maharishi.

*******************

Dear Bart Walton,

It is very important that every person who has repudiated Maharishi, or been disillusioned by their experience of TM, or who is hostile to the TM Organization that they take in the very positive—and I believe, from one point of view, entirely appropriate and objective—attitude towards and understanding of Maharishi that you have expressed in this letter.

For there is great truth in what you say. Whatever way in which Maharishi fell short of our expectations of what an enlightened Master should be, what he was in his performance as a "spiritual teacher" or "spiritual master" was truly incredible. Incredible in his sheer charisma, sense of authority, fluidity of intelligence, and dominating integrity. I personally believe that the original experience that so many of us had—that Maharishi was godlike and beautiful and preternaturally wise—was valid; that is, There was something magnificent and sublime about Maharishi's personal presence, and that unless you caught this, You never knew who and what Maharishi was.

And therefore any subsequent turning on Maharishi and disavowal of his spiritual authenticity must continue to co-exist with this former recognition of what he was—because in this sense one's experience was not a lie. Maharishi was the most impressive and commanding individual human being of our lifetime. Those who loved him most, who revered him most, who sacrificed themselves most on his behalf, only these persons are entitled then to include within their perspective on Maharishi what purportedly are the negative—perhaps even extremely negative—aspects of his individual personality and his actions

You understand, then, Bart, what I am saying here. Your point of view—minus the rationale that attempts to justify the bizarre, contradictory, immoral behaviour of a "true spiritual master"—must be incorporated into any final and ultimate assessment of who Maharishi was—and his legitimacy as a spiritual master.

So, take myself: I was completely devoted to Maharishi—as devoted as any person could ever be. And Maharishi was not only extraordinarily powerful and wise and attractive to me—as a spiritual being,—his meditation techniques were—at least in my case—wonderfully efficacious. As efficacious as I could ever dream or want them to be.

And yet, despite all this, I came to judge Maharishi in the harshest and most extreme way anyone could be judged. How to account for this reversal of judgment?

Through a context of comprehension that required me to see all this supernatural positivity in the light of explanation other than one which proclaimed him perfect and pure and true.

And therefore, Bart, I came to know Maharishi in a manner which was even more intrinsically profound negatively than my prior experience of him had been intrinsically profound positively.—without any denial of the validity of that previous experience.

How does one, therefore, arrive at a judgment of Maharishi which is definitively negative while at the same time totally acknowledging the substance and truthfulness of your own experience of Maharishi, the judgment that is implicit in all that you write about him in this letter?

I can only refer to my own perception of Maharishi, for that perception—the one that came about twenty years after I was first initiated—both explained my total surrender to Maharishi, his exceptional claim upon my soul (for what he was and what he had given to me) and what would now have to be my eventual unequivocal total rejection of his personal and spiritual integrity.

How, then, did this come about: on the one hand the extreme validation by my own being of Maharishi's worthiness to be deemed a perfect spiritual master, simultaneous with the discovery and revelation that he was a consummate deceiver? (And I include in this my own spectacular experiences practicing TM and all the extra-TM techniques which were added. I had to, in view of what happened to me under this new apprehension of Maharishi, see that each and every positive experience I had acquired under TM had cost me something dear, for no matter what powers and gifts were conferred upon me through TM, these powers and gifts came at a terrible cost to my own physical and metaphysical well-being.)

I come to the main point of my letter, Bart. Maharishi was more beautiful and deep and wondrous than any mere human being who has ever lived. And the promise of his Movement, it went way beyond Christ or Buddha. At the height of the TM Movement and Maharishi's status in the universe—perhaps 1969 through 1976—it seemed that Heaven on Earth was not just an idea, it was an empirically inevitable reality. Just based on the tremendous influence Maharishi had by virtue of what he was [his "state of consciousness"] and what he was doing. And our best experiences under TM and the Sidhis irresistibly led us to conclude that this was all going to culiminate in just what Maharishi said it would: the transformation of creation itself. Oh, it was something to be an initiator in those times, and to feel the pulse of the cosmos seemingly right in tune with Maharishi.—Not to say the promise of one's own personal enlightenment.

However, what I came to know, Bart, was that all this was a conspiracy of the subtlest of intelligences which—God knows why—shut out from our awareness—and seemingly from the awareness of the entire universe—any real and meaningful opposition to Maharishi. Maharishi became what he was through the deliberate and unified intention of all these intelligences. They made him unaccountable to anyone or for anything. Thus, as you say, no one who came within a hundred feet of Maharishi could ever summon up the will and strength to criticize him to his face—You are unquestionably correct in this. This is the most formidable instance of "support of Nature". For those of us—we were thousands—the cosmos itself was personified in Maharishi, and to doubt or challenge Maharishi was in effect to go up against reality itself.

So these intelligences conspired to create this immaculate performance by Maharishi as a "true spiritual master". They made him what he was, although for us, we could just as well declare: Maharishi stands on his own, even independently of his spiritual aspirations and status as the most remarkable and attractive and intricate human being alive. There can be no doubt, as you say, that he was fulfilling the highest destiny in doing what he was doing. And in what he was—or appeared to be—he was pulling it off with maximum grace, intelligence, and versatility. But you see—according to my own personal experience—his immunity to criticism (criticism which could gather in its momentum and come right at him) depended upon the collective support of all these intelligences—the intelligences which apparently ran and sustained the universe itself.

Everything Maharishi and TM came under the power and influence of these intelligences. And they were metaphysically sovereign.

But something happened, Bart, after that halcyon period of inconceivable joy and grace;—those same intelligences were, in the final analysis, unable to sustain their perfect and unfailing support of Maharishi—and he went into at first an imperceptible but gradually more and more palpable decline. Until by the time of his death, he was, among a multitude of persons who once worshiped and adored him, spurned and disgraced.

As for myself, I believe another set of intelligences ultimately antagonistic to the intelligences that made Maharishi king of the universe, began to quietly and confidently assert themselves, and it was my utterly undeserved fortune to recognize this transition—and therefore to begin to see Maharishi in a completely different—literally—light. That light illuminated the truth about Maharishi Mahesh Yogi: that he was himself the subject of a grand deception, the plaything of evil, a complete charlatan, and an utterly corrupt human being. He died in his weakness and humiliation, secretly aware of the coming scandals and his total dethronement as a "true spiritual master".

Just as I first felt the very highest spiritual Romance with Maharishi, I came to see him as the enemy of my soul, and—unknowingly I must believe—the enemy of the soul of ever meditator and initiator. Thus the innocence of my initial experience of both Maharishi and Transcendental Meditation gave way to the innocence of a subsequent experience of Maharishi and Transcendental Meditation which perforce made it necessary to denounce him without qualification. Even as I firmly believe that your own point of view about Maharishi must always be kept in mind as true and real and unchangeable. The only difference between you and me, Bart, is that I have seen Maharishi within a metaphysical context which transcends both Maharishi and TM. From that perspective I must judge Maharishi—even as no one will ever compel my loyalty, love, and self-sacrifice as he once did—as entirely inimical to the physical, mental, emotional, and yes, spiritual well-being of every human person.

Tragically, it would seem there is nothing on the earth to substitute for Maharishi—or, for that matter, TM. This fact is a unfathomable mystery only known to God.

Contrary to what has become the devastating implication of my letter—which, though, I believe will have no impact on you whatsoever—I appreciate the sentiment, the intention, and the truth of your letter. It appears to me that your project here was conceived in honour and sincerity. I would, had I not underwent this reverse Road to Damascus experience, argue even more vociferously and indefatigably in the very same cause.

Most sincerely yours,
An initiator who chooses to remain anonymous



Dear Friend,

Thank you for your beautifully written, heart felt and deeply insightful letter and for taking the time to write it to me. I take it as an honor that you have given me this gift of your time and attention in this way. And I recognize the healing effect this exchange has possibly had on your psyche that perhaps this has allowed you to express things you had not expressed before, or in ways you did not even fully understand until now. I agree with much of what you have said. The ideas you present about operating intelligences is very plausible. It makes sense. I take a more "I don't know" attitude. And I'm happy not knowing. Like Walt Whitman writes, "A child asks me 'What is the grass?' bringing it to me in great handfuls. How am I to answer the child? I do not know what it is any more than he." So, like this, I do not know what Maharishi was or how it was that he seemingly rose so high and then, fell so low.

I feel very happy in my life and happy with what I learned from Maharishi, mostly unintentional.  My good fortune is that I expected absolutely nothing from the TMO and they didn't disappoint me. I expected little from TM and I got more that I ever dreamed possible. So what can I say? I've been compensated like a king after having given relatively little. 

Good luck to you and all the best in this incredible journey.  

Bart Walton



Dear Bart Walton,

I never expected such a generous and bravely open response from you. I had rather thought you would feel forced into a certain defensiveness on behalf of the point of view expressed in your letter at TM-Free Blog. But you prove yourself to be a human being able to receive into yourself the convictions of others—without necessarily being influenced by those convictions, but ready and willing to give them the very fairest of hearings. I consider this a rare virtue indeed. And one that goes directly to what I value most. Thank you again for this letter you have written to me, Bart. 

Your letter to me is a perfect gem, and I shall consider myself as having been justified in the act of writing my letter to you if only because of the very letter that I have got back from you. Tenderness and intelligence: a nice combination.

Yours very sincerely,
Initiator Z


Dear Friend,

Yes, I think we need to speak our truth and be heard. That always is healing to us. I think when people heal their pain about Maharishi, they will be able to fully receive the gift Maharishi brought us. This is what I think and if it resonates with you, you may find it helpful. If not, just forget about it.  But early in our approach to Maharishi, our focus was on him, our ideal image of the God-Man. Then, when that image collapsed because we found out that he is not a God-Man, we felt very hurt and let down. But then, when we heal that hurt, there is an opportunity for our own Being to shine through. Then there is an opportunity to realize that it's not about a God-Man outside of ourselves. It's about Being within. This is the original message that Maharishi brought to the world and for this, I am deeply grateful. After he died, this realization came to me fully and no matter what demonic things people may say about him, I cannot help but bow in his direction. I feel I have received the pearl of teaching secretely from his heart to mine...but available to everyone who he touched through TM. Anyway, this is what I really wanted to share but I know that people on that web site would never hear this. So, I wrote what maybe a few of them might hear. No, Maharishi was not what we thought. But he brought a great gift to humankind. It's a paradox. How can a person who did wrong actions, also bring such a gift? I don't know or understand. But I can't deny the truth that shines inside of my heart and lights my experience every moment of the day and night. 

Bart Walton


Dear Bart Walton,

Although this, what you say in this last e-mail, is reasoned and equable and even inspired, I am grateful, Bart, that you did not take this tack immediately upon reading my original letter—else I would have been denied the humanly vulnerable and spontaneous expression of the whole person Bart Walton—that which made that first letter of yours so gracious and poignant. You obviously have a certain and definitive—and very personal—experience of Maharishi, and this is what I had gleaned from reading your open letter at TM-Free Blog. What startled and moved me was the entirely unanticipated—and unconditioned—way you responded to my letter to you. It seemed that you received the person who wrote that letter from the very place where I had written it—somehow a tiny miracle for me.

Of course, once things have flowed back and forth between us, it would only be natural and unavoidable for you to provide a summing-up perspective on this whole matter—which you have just done now with a kind of serene lucidity—I cannot doubt the honesty nor the subjective trustworthiness of what has gone in to forming such a perspective. And I thank you for writing to me—once again—and thus demonstrating—in these contrasting ways (at least as I interpret them) of exposition—how wide ranging and sympathetic is your own personal consciousness.

I thank you once again, Bart, for letting me first experience the kind of person you are [your original letter to me], and then letting me know exactly your thinking about Maharishi, and how you manage to live within the paradox of what he was/is without psychological or spiritual dissonance [this last letter to me].

It has done me much good, engaging with someone who is not either compulsively (and even fearfully) uncritical, nor who is determined to resolve the matter of who Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was/is by an arbitrary exclusion of memory, such as to make Maharishi seem as if always an out-and-out mountebank.

Yours very sincerely,
Initiator Z


Dear Bart Walton,

Just one more basic thing about Maharishi: He always gave me the unambiguous and unqualified sense that I was to consider him as IT—that is to say, it would be unnatural NOT to project onto him the definition of perfection. This perception of him stood up under the most severe scrutiny for almost twenty years—and it was a perception, not an assumption or inference: Maharishi embodied all that he was proclaiming. If one had transcended doing TM, one transcended all categories of previous judgment of human beings when in the presence of Maharishi.

When it became clear that there were facts contradictory to this apprehension of Maharishi, then it became impossible to do anything other than what I did: which was to apostasize, for I had always held as inextricable the beauty and efficacy of TM and the personal integrity of Maharishi. When one of these two pillars began to collapse, I was forced to re-evaluate even the brilliance of TM—and I subsequently found it wanting in the very same way. That is to say, the experience of TM was sublime, but the objective effect of TM—excluding consideration of experience per se—was ultimately negative. And so with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Whatever differences there are between us re: Maharishi, there can be no question that nothing comes across in your letters that would allow me to conclude that you are blinkered in your apprehension of reality—as almost every other devoted initiator (devoted: to both TM and MMY) appears to be—to me, that is.

Sincerely,
Initiator Z


Dear Friend,

Thank you for that. I understand your feelings and have shared them from time to time during the last 30 years, although not as strongly as you feel them, perhaps because I was not as close to Maharishi as you seem to have been. What happened to me is the dawning of an understanding that the "perfection" which at first we see and bow down to outside, in the world, as a master, is only a reflection of the "perfection" that is within. If it were not within us, we'd never be able to recognize it when we see it outside. Once I found the perfection inside myself, I completely forgave Maharishi and all feelings about him were resolved and transformed into deep gratitude. He was a man and like all men, struggled with powerful pressures around him. And as a spiritual master he didn't stay in a cave but came out into the world, into the vortex of powerful greed and lust. He held his balance as best he could and gave us what he could. And also, I believe there is a lot that goes beyond appearances, in the subtle field of karma and sanskaras, that may have been at play in these things. 

I am working on a web site about this which I will send to you when it's finished. It's about death and dying.
      
      BW




Dear Bart Walton,

If you don't mind my saying so, I deem this—in terms of what you set out to do through that initial letter at TM-Free Blog—the very best of all your letters. It is concise, it is cogent, and it is convincing. 

Now if I were a secular psychologist—and I am not—examining your argument on behalf of Maharishi still qualifying to be a "true spiritual master", this is what I would say: 

For what you tell me here to be true—that is, true objectively, and not just subjectively—this "understanding that the 'perfection' which at first we see and bow down to outside, in the world, as a master, is only a reflection of the 'perfection' that is within" should have occurred to you BEFORE any doubts came up about Maharishi's individual perfection—that is, his unquestionable superiority to every other human being on the planet—I certainly would have sacrificed my life for this conviction—absolutely not with respect to the idea that I was perfect, or that my perception of M's perfection was only made possible because somewhere I was perfect.

Have you ever watched Robin Williams improvise, or listened to Mozart, or read Shakespeare, or walked inside Chartres Cathedral, or seen Mia Michael's choreography (So You Think You Can Dance), or looked upon a beautiful woman? well, for me, Bart, Maharishi, as a spiritual master, was as brilliant in this capacity—as these other persons and structures display their beauty and genius and intelligence. No, to say that I was unconsciously projecting my own inner perfection onto Maharishi—this could only be true as a CONCEPT, never an innocent empirically-derived reality. If Maharishi had lived up to his initial reputation—and represented the very intelligence behind all of creation (at least in so far as he enabled that divine intelligence to come through him, without individual interference) throughout the course of his spiritual existence—you would never have recourse to this theory, this justification, this rationale—although at this point I believe you when you say it has become for you, truth at the level of reality (You even alluded in an earlier letter to the experience wherein Maharishi secretly conveyed this very truth to you).

If Maharishi "was a man and like all men, struggled with powerful pressures around him" and "came out into the world, into the vortex of powerful greed and lust" and"held his balance as best he could", why did he think all of us were incapable of receiving this very truth directly from him? and a fortiori, why did he consciously cultivate an image and status which was designed, in the presence of those who most admired and loved and sacrificed for him, to make false any other understanding of himself than the one which both you and I formed of him in his physical presence—that he was indeed perfect? He was in Unity Consciousness after all.

"Once I found the perfection inside myself, I completely forgave Maharishi and all feelings about him were resolved and transformed into deep gratitude". If this interior event represented the esoteric teaching of Maharishi why did he single you out from virtually all others, and leave the rest of us incapable of arriving at such a consummate reconciliation?—nay, leave the vast majority of those who revered him, either profoundly disillusioned or else clinging desperately to the very notion of him which he more than tacitly encouraged but which he ultimately abjured in his secret and wordless colloquy with yourself?

What impact would it have upon you, Bart, if you found irrefutable evidence that Maharishi's own master—Guru Dev—was himself flawed and fallen? And does—or did—Guru Dev approve, when watching Maharishi from wherever he is now, of the actions of Maharishi—those actions which have brought his (M's) once hallowed reputation into disrepute and contempt? If Guru Dev had "not stayed in a cave and come out into the world" would he too, perforce, have succumbed to the temptations and blandishments of the world? [I should stipulate the obvious: I have no evidence that Guru Dev was anything other than as he was and is portrayed by his disciples.]

No, for me, Bart, Maharishi was a virtuoso performer—all the way to the infinite. And I literally believe he enlisted all the powers of intelligence of the universe (of one particular and notorious category) such that these intelligences were truly able to transform every one of us who first began to meditate. The Checking Notes they are one better than Mozart. But Maharishi himself, his personality, his physical appearance, was the most beautiful thing to look upon and watch in motion. But that very beauty and integrity required the exemplification of perfection—in every single sense that counts. And Maharishi himself knew that he was giving the illusion of such perfection—and he never uttered a word that would hint at the extraordinary paradox that came to be conceived in your mind, and which now forms the basis of your own belief about him—sincere, passionate, serene as your articulation of such a belief appears to be. It might as well be true because you're not fighting to make it so. And that does warrant respect.

Another matter of concern to me, which had a big influence over how I began finally to see Maharishi, is the whole paradigm of reality that is instantiated in the Hindu religion—and all things essentially Eastern. The idea of the Self, of Enlightenment, of Gurus, of Oneness, of reincarnation, of maya, of karma, of gods, of an impersonal God, of perfection [what does "perfection" mean if it is traduced so violently in the actions of a "true spiritual master"?]: these ideas seem metaphysically false to me, and run counter to the powerful forces which shaped and gave birth to Western Civilization (Greek and Roman philosophy, Roman Catholicism). They also have come to be inconsistent with my post-TM, post-Maharishi life—even as admittedly, for twenty years, the cosmos itself seemed to me to be just as Maharishi said it was. However, after my apostasy, it now seems to me, Bart, that how I perceive and experience reality bears no resemblance to the depiction of reality inculcated in me by Maharishi. TM and Maharishi thus distorted reality for me—for the way things/reality appears to me now is in synchrony with the traditions of Western Civilization. Therefore, I must posit that the entire philosophy of Maharishi—and the East in general—is a kind of massive hallucination. But you will have become irritated with me by the time you are reading this sentence. The point I am making throughout this letter is a simple one: I believe Maharishi was fatally deceived, and I believe he was—and this even became conscious—a deceitful human being.

That said, I must confess that if I were going to doubt myself once again, I would take seriously the possibility that you are right, and that your final explanation and exoneration of Maharishi is a piece of real experimental knowledge. Mind you, I don't think it is, but you are a very credible spokesman for such a point of view—and I believe not only in your sincerity, but in your personal integrity. And I must suppose therefore that your beliefs about Maharishi are not such as to cause you to be in denial, else I would have sensed some fanatical adherence to your way of seeing Maharishi—and I certainly don't sense this at all.

Please forgive me if I have arrogantly assumed the right to dispute with you, when really there is no cause to. This was not my intention. My aim here, and in the other letters,  is to continue to work out for myself the metatherapeutic process whereby I can become at peace with my enslavement to and ravishment with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. He was the Romance of my life.

Yours very sincerely,
Initiator Z

10 Spiritually Transmitted Diseases - applies to TM!

This Huffington Post Article describes life in the TM Movement all too well!

To read the article titled 10 Spiritually Transmitted Diseases, click here.

Getting Out of the Mindset

As requested, this is a duplicate post from today's post on Gina's personal blog, Getting Out of the Mindset

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A young adult (identity withheld on request) sent an email titled “Getting out of the mindset.” In an extensive self-revelatory and reflective message, this young adult explained having been born and raised in the TM community of Fairfield, Iowa, educated K-12 in Maharishi School of the Age of Enlightenment (MSAE) including some time at Maharishi University of Management (MUM).

While grateful for the deep connections of close friends in the precious home community, this person’s doubts about TM’s validity spurred personal searching into the background of TM and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. This person concluded that TM is not what the teachings portray. The young adult wrote of the ensuing personal liberation from a restrictive mindset, “ever since I have been skeptical of about every idea I have, realizing it may or may not be true. Once you embrace that idea you become more powerful, you have more control over your mind and your life, and I have become a happier, smarter, more understanding person because of it.”

This person sent an email because, “Since this first big anti-TM event I have still been unable to completely free myself of the TM doctrine... and still hold some concept that TM might be special.... Indoctrination is frightening, and letting go of world views you have had since you were old enough to understand them is a tough process.. I keep wanting to move out of Fairfield but the utopian style community the movement has established here is hard to escape. I have many, many friends who I love dearly here, and to leave them behind is a scary thought. What saddens me is that most of my friends are still in the TM mindset to some degree. None of them take it very seriously but it still remains in the back of their head that TM is special, jyotish can tell them what will happen in their lives, and that nature can "support" certain things they do. If you have any interesting stories or points to relate to me about my process of escape I would love to hear them! The topic interests me a lot.”

Name withheld by request
Full email not reproduced here at the writer’s request; only a few pertinent quotes included above.

Gina’s comment to readers of this blog: I am neither a professional exit counselor, nor therapist. I hold a deep respect for the potential of existential and psychological crisis when one questions all they have been raised to believe, and the community they love. Many from the TM Movement have been close to others’ psychotic breaks or suicide attempts when the duress of such personal crisis hits. Thus, I avoid acting in a therapeutic role and do not accept clients for cult recovery assistance. Professionals in the field of cult recovery are linked to the right on this blog. The young adult, above, already formed personal conclusions about involvement with the TM Movement. The writer, previously unknown to me, requested personal stories about leaving TM. My response follows.

Hello _____,

Thank you for your kind and heartfelt letter.  I sigh deeply.

You are intelligent and independent thinking.  Good for you!  Your compassionate self and social analysis will serve you well in life!

Your anguish is real.  It is hard to leave a utopian community and mindset.  Oh so hard. However, in a true utopia, you would not fear reprisal from expressing your own opinions. The outside world is not so scary, not tomasic, not full of rakshasas as you have been told.  However, you will never again find the "instant community" of enmeshed, almost extended family, to which you are accustomed in Fairfield. 

You CAN, with time, develop meaningful friendships and deep connections, with others outside of Fairfield.  You can meet others who are willing to question themselves, share discussions of same, and support one another in finding one's own path of integrity through life.  However, the bonds are not instant. Unlike cult life, healthy bonds are not instantaneous. True connection develops over time, sharing consistently with integrity, and with acceptance of differing opinions.

It is true -- you will never find the intensity of social closeness... e.g. enmeshment... that you experience in Fairfield, unless you join another cult!

Fairfield IS a special place, but it is not totally unique. Other cult based communities offer their version of the same social dynamics in which you were raised. There is a range of group-think within Fairfield, as you well know. This is also a common phenomenon in neighborhoods surrounding other cult communities throughout the world.

It is normal to be anxious about losing your loved ones and family from expressing your opinion in a cult setting. In a noncult setting, it is extremely abnormal to have such anxiety. you have normal responses to an abnormal situation. It can be frustrating to have circuitous thought-stopping conversations that return forever to TM, Ayurveda, and jyotish to solve everything. You probably don't want to hurt the feelings of those you love by directly saying "That's ridiculous!"

You are correct, in my opinion -- once you embrace the ability to question EVERYTHING -- you become more personally "powerful".. thus the name of my blog "Coming to Life."

I respect your desire for anonymity, as your social and professional connections remain TM and Fairfield based. Some of those whom I love in Fairfield are well aware of my online activism against the TMOrg and Maharishi’s leadership; others have ended our friendship over my outspokenness. You see, one is predicted to fail if they leave the deemed support of the deemed-utopia. Instead, others and myself have succeeded on the outside. What greater threat could there be?

You requested personal stories of “escape.” In that vein, I offer a bit of personal experience. You may find it helpful.

I, too, dearly love the Fairfield community. I was the first 'ru to graduate from Fairfield High School in 1975, before MIU prep began a middle school or high school. My daughter attended K-2nd grade at MIU Prep (MSAE's precursor). We will always miss the idealistic "loving" community that you call home.

Like avoiding social heroin, we could never again live in such a restrictive setting. And like a recovered heroin addict, we will always miss the addictive high of our former community’s enmeshment. Truly, there are many in Fairfield who I love deeply and forever. I will not name them. You and I must know many of the same people.

The only resources that I can offer you, are those linked on my blogsite. You can, of course, reach toward the "extended TM family” of the grown kids who left. They help one another throughout the world. In most major cities in the US there are small groups of young adults who come from Fairfield. They support one another.  I don't have a listing of such.  It's not my place to disclose who I'm in touch with.  You could ask around for contacts, perhaps older siblings of your friends.   As you know, there is a range of continued belief in TM and Maharishi. Many former TMers follow Amachi or other gurus.  Some joined born-again Christian groups or the Mormons to provide instant community.

I suggest that you apply to a non-TM university somewhere. You will sharpen your mind while developing relationships with other motivated young adults and university faculty based upon a commonality of interests, rather than based upon adoption of another’s dogma.

Obviously from my online voice, I've rejected most of the TMO official teachings and lifestyle.  My home even has a south facing entrance!  I still prefer natural fiber clothing and a healthy lifestyle. I still like Indian food! Unlike many TM kids, I've never been a rebellious party-animal.

After leaving Fairfield, my (now grown) children were raised with swim team, little league and the Boy Scouts in an upper middle class suburb.  We've made lifelong friends with amazing people who never heard of Maharishi, other than "Oh, the Beatles followed him briefly!".  We spent some time with Unity church, to give my children a respect for open spirituality.  No more church or spiritual labels, now that the kids are grown.  My grown children live honest lives of integrity; they do not attend church. Yes, it was immensely difficult for me to learn to connect with non-TMers, to consciously eliminate my TM-based vocabulary and worldview. But it is possible. If I could do it without cult recovery information and resources, and no other ex-TMers to assist, then you certainly can succeed! I suggest accessing professional cult-recovery resources; your adjustment will be much smoother with the information that is now readily available.

My father died last year in fantasy TM-think, after decades of needless pain while paying for costly TM cures through yagyas, ayurveda, jyotish, mystical talisman gemstones and other such. My aging mother continues the same vein while spouting Maharishi-isms.  I couldn't tell you how my adult-kids cope with the extremes cult-think or non-cult from their parents. My grown kids (3rd generation TMers) tease me as being part of the "ACC" (Anti-Cult Cult). I’ve told them to be careful because, “cult think / social enmeshment is our family illness.” Be wary of false flattery. Trust others’ behaviors over their words or kisses.

The International Cultic Studies Association runs workshops for those born or raised in cults - Second Generation Adults (SGAs), that’s you and me.  The ICSA workshop for SGAs could help you sort things out, without providing another dogma. My adult daughter found one SGA workshop helpful, even though she left Fairfield at the age of 10; she is really a 3rd generation.  For info on those workshops, click HERE. ICSA also has SGA mini-workshops associated with their annual international conferences, the next one will be in New York City this summer, for information on the NYC conference, click HERE.

Good for you - to access resources to help you reflect back onto your community.   Breaking free is a lonely process, compared to the seeming validation of group-think, but you will ultimately be stronger and more real. As Shakespeare wrote, “This above all: to thine ownself be true and it shall follow as the day the night - thou can’st not then be false to any man.” That’s the bottom line.

Coming to your own perspective on YOU, your community and your life is an important step in claiming your autonomous adulthood!  We must make difficult choices as we move forward into autonomous adulthood.  Sounds like you may be on the verge of such a step!

Let me know if you visit the Bay Area.  I'd be happy to take you out for lunch or coffee.

You are intelligent and determined - you will make it!

With admiration and respect.  

Warmly, 
Gina :)

More childhood early TMdaze, mid 1960s

There will be more to come.

Home is Where the Heart Is (part one)

Transcendental Meditation Members Are "Concerned" for You!

Do you find True Believing TMers are "concerned" for your well-being?

How does that make you feel?

If we dare to leave—much less raise an objection about sexual, emotional, or psychological abuse we and others experienced—they set out to destroy us, calling us pathological, bitter, unethical, demonic.

And, of course, the classic CRAY-Z.™®

First they cut us in half with a machine gun. Then they hand us a Band-Aid. With soft eyes and half-smiling lips—sneered in condolence. (Apologies to Apocalypse Now.)

We're so "concerned" for you. That much anger can't be good for you. Did you know that angry individuals live shorter, less happy lives?

Is it just me, or does that kind of "loving kindness" give you the creeps, too?

Help isn't help if it isn't asked for. It's intrusion.

Uninvited "concern" isn't an offer to heal. It's criticism. It's judgment. It's invasion.

Touchy-feely, New Age, spiritual language around "concern": Isn't it just poorly camouflaged passive aggression?

I wonder if a more "enlightened" approach might be for TMers to discuss points they disagree with, rather than attempting to outline our character flaws?

Frankly, I think that tranquil—even if firm—discussion is what outsiders would mistakenly expect from practitioners of "spiritual" traditions like Transcendental Meditation, Jetsumna Akhon Lhamo's KPC, Legioinairies of Christ.

Probably not Scientology.

One thing that was excruciating for me about being in the Transcendental Meditation Org for 23 years was the cultural belief that if you could identify an individual's character flaw(s)—no matter how insignificant—you could safely dismiss his or her thoughts, feelings, experience.

Because they were obviously stupid, crazy, or EVIL—if they disagreed with the Maharishi's doctrines.

Even though it's pretty safe to say that ALL the geniuses who changed history, in every field, had their character flaws.

In the end, only a few "enlightened" figures can be said to have contributed as significantly to progress as the "mentally ill."

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted." Matin Luther King, Jr.

After over 55 years of Transcendental Meditation, can you point to even one "enlightened" TM devotee who has had a major impact on the world?

I'm not sure "enlightenment" is all it's cracked up to be.

J.

P.S. Join the CRIPPLE REVOLUTION!

Crossposted at FaceBook

Reader requests views on Transcendental Meditation lifestyle

A TMFree reader requests views and discussion of his observations of unusual behaviors at Maharishi University.

I do not conduct private email conversations on these topics.

With permission of said TMFree reader, his private emails are posted below, with the hope of explanatory comments from educated and involved TMFree readers.

Please offer your views and experiences for this individual. The cumulative experiences of TMFree readers should make for an interesting discussion. (I will be unavailable for a few days)

Thank you!

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email #1. Subject "money and delusions:

I have heard/read that the meditation fees are used to subsidize the various projects of the TMO. How is it that meditators pay such high prices w/o objections? In the early 1990's i spent a few months in Fairfield, Iowa and attended Annapurna dining hall w/some frequency. Several times i heard the phrase "the money just came to me" as in "manna from heaven", i suppose. I was surprised that no one seemed to be concerned about how the money was being spent or the high prices in general! At the time $3000 was the cost of the tm-sidhis.

I must admit that i enjoyed the meditations and i should have gone on staff in order to work for the tm-sidhis but i decided to return to the east coast. I spent a few weeks at this boarding house on the western edge of town. It was located across the street from a motel and a supermarket, called "Hi-V", as i remember. The owners were "tm-sidhas" and pleasant enough but their two cats urinated on sofas, carpets and almost everywhere. The stench was obvious to me but the owners appeared to be oblivious. The cats' litter box was in the basement and an ugly stench emanated from that. How could the owners not notice? A friend of mine was living just north of Fairfield and was telling me about his roomate and how he was such a prolific composer. It sounded like a modern Beethoven. He played several of his "compositions" for me. They sounded like new wage music, i.e. the chord progressions consisted of 2 or 3 chords, and just the basic triads, no chord extensions etc. He was claiming that practising the tm-sidhis made him so prolific.

The point of all this is: could the practise of tm contribute to a person's delusions and/or create a placebo effect? Is this the reason that tm teachers tend to defend the tm prices and projects? Is this why tmer's say that if i do not have $5000 for the tm-sidhis then i am not ready for them? Is this why so many believe in the maharishi effect, even though a student was murdered by another student on the MUM campus. If the maharishi effect does not function in Fairfield then where will it function? Please respond when you have time or if you can.


email #2. Subject "delusions"

If you can publish my questions then please do so. I forgot to mention that trailor park on or north of campus, if i remember, was called "utopia park". it was just an average trailor park. why was called "utopia park"? and what was that "heaven on earth" stuff in Fairfield? The town square was nice but much of the town was squallid,i.e., quasi slum. if I am mistaken then please correct me!

Finally, there was to be a lecture at this round structure called "yagya varna hall" or something similar to that, by Bevan Morris, a TM big shot. As i approached this ediface i noticed that many persons were walking toward the entrance very quickly, almost running. They appeared to be desperate or at least excited. Therefore i expected to hear some cosmic wisdom from Mr.Morris. I listened to his monologue for about 25 minutes and decided to leave. It was extremely boring. It was the typical "cosmic debris" that emanates from TM videos and dvd's.

If someone can correct me about all this then please do so.

ABC Nightline special on Transcendental Meditation and Vedic City

ABC's Nightline of 1/16/2010 provided a promotional introduction to Iowa's Vedic City and Transcendental Meditation.

To preview ABC's nightline about Transcendental Meditation, click here. Feel free to add your comments to Nightline's preview.

Sometime after Sunday, 1/17/2010, the Nightline website should have an available transcript of the actual show; we will link the show here when it becomes available.

From the Nightline preview, it looks like a puff piece of promotion for TM and the Ideal Vedic Lifestyle (eye roll) as reporters interviewed influential Vedic City residents. It will be interesting to see if they dug deep enough to learn that Vedic City is one outpost of Maharishi's "Global Country of World Peace," with it's own Vedic currency, the Raam, the ministry of Rajas which govern the "Global Country of World Peace" from their positions of profound silence, or if they interviewed anyone who left the organization after having become disillusioned, or having experienced or observed negative effects from prolonged rounding.

Transcendental Meditation's "King" has a royal family - Maharaja Nader Raam with wife and children

Frequent TMFree contributor, Bjarne Hansen shared this:

Just home from a lovely holiday in India and not updated ....have You guys shared the great news of normality?

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From Raja Hagelin:

In a beautiful, tender moment following our Gita Study today, Maharaja-ji quietly shared the following.... See More

He announced that, with Maharishi's blessing, he had gotten married some eight years ago, and has two beautiful daughters, age 5-1/2 and 3-1/2. Maharishi had requested him to, for the children's sake, maintain the privacy of his family until the oldest was old enough to begin school. That time has come, and Maharaja therefore felt it was proper to share this news with his family of Rajas and Ministers and global leadership.

Maharishi had told him that, in the tradition of rulership, having the support of a Royal Family brought stability and strength to the Kingdom. Of course, as was obvious to all--and as Maharaja himself emphasized--nothing has changed, or would change, in his Administration, and his continued one-pointed focus on the fulfillment of Maharishi's global legacy: bringing Total Knowledge--Raam Raj--to the world, while focusing on his own deep silence and realization of the supreme goal of Brahmi Chetana.

Many were surprised, including me, but the atmosphere was most festive and joyous.

Jai Guru Dev

Raja John (Hagelin)

Transcendental Meditation Organizations' legal threat against The Examiner

Two links below address Maharishi University of Management (MUM) and David Lynch Foundation (DLF) recent legal threats to the Examiner.com in an effort to remove an article critical of the David Lynch Foundation's efforts to bring Transcendental Meditation (TM) into public schools.

You can read the Examiner's published article in response to this threat by clicking here. The author wrote "Upon reviewing Goldstein's criticisms, the author has decided that there are no grounds for labeling this article "defamatory"."

The original legal threat from MUM and DLF can be read on Wikileaks by clicking here.

On another note, intense "self-help" programs called Large Group Awareness Training (LGAT) induce brain chemistry similar to what we experienced during intense TM "rounding" programs. Many of us know others who experienced various degrees of psychosis, and some suicides, when involved with prolonged intense "rounding" courses - The Movement taught us that such problem symptoms were due to the victims' "heavy unstressing," placing the blame squarely back on the individual - typical blame-the-victim mentality. Naturally, TM research never addresses problem results from TM. And TM research never studies the effects of rounding courses, despite ongoing active recruitment for rounding programs.

You can read about an Australian coroner who attributed a woman's suicide to her participation in an LGAT by clicking here. Tragic that the woman committed suicide. But great to see professional validation by a coroner! May the trend continue - for public recognition of potential mental health dangers from participation in mind altering programs.

The Writings of Robin Woodsworth Carlsen: Part 2

At the request of some TMFree readers, this is the second of a series of eight essays on Robin Woodsworth Carlsen.
This series is provided with permission of their anonymous author.

We at TMFree do not ascribe to Carlsen's 'teachings.' This series is provided for those who wish to review philosophies of Robin Woodsworth Carlsen. Carlsen was one of many Maharishi TM-spinoff gurus.

Part one of this series can be read here.

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The Writings of Robin Woodsworth Carlsen: Part 2

Carlsen continues on his road to the Enlightened Dawn.

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[Excerpts from From" Ignorance to Enlightenment: An Autobiography" © Robin Woodsworth Carlsen, 1980, ISBN 0-920910-06-8]

I was still as enthusiastic as ever about meditation, but I also realized how necessary it was that I become fully developed as an individual--skilled, efficient, creative--apart from the radiance of my heart, the expanded purity of my consciousness. Yes, I was adept--exceptionally so--regarding the theatre of my personality, as a divine manipulator/actor of feeling (by this time always in the service of evolution), but I wanted also to achieve something that would give me more credibility as someone who could give to others the highest knowledge, the most perfect technique for fulfillment.

But as I continued the year, I sensed the gathering of grace (particularly noticeable in the context of giving "residence courses", weekend seminar-type advanced training to meditators, where questions came up, and demands were made, that fully extended my personality, my intuition, my heart-wisdom). Then I received a letter indicating I was accepted as a graduate student in Theatre at the University of Victoria; knowing I had several courses to make up in order to get off to the right start, I realized my summer would be taken up, that I wouldn't have the chance to attend an "ATR" (Advanced Training and Rounding course) set up by Maharishi to accelerate the growth of his teachers, and for purposes of long rounding to deepen one's experience of Being, to release the impurities one had gathered in the course of activity within our stressed civilization.

Another course had been announced for March 15th, and I decided to resign from my teaching position in order to attend, confirming at the same time that I would enroll for a Master's degree beginning in the summer.

My resignation was accepted--much to the regret of my students--and the morning after a spectacular appearance by Maharishi on the Merv Griffin Show, I was off to Switzerland once again, stopping off to be nourished by a devoted mother, who was still teaching just south of Toronto.

And here as I arrived in Zurich began another formative phase in my journey to wholeness. The course office had notified Canadians that the site of the ATR was to be Arosa, and that the course was to begin on the 22nd. Well, I arrived on the evening of the 21st and at the only hotel I recognized by name, the Prâtchli, there was only one light on--there was about three feet of snow on the ground, and it was only by accident that the taxicab driver ended up at the Prâtchli. (I had asked him the names of the various hotels as they all appeared shut down for the season; the Prâtchli was only the final possibility.)

Well, this "error" on my part--I had left just before Ottawa had telegrammed to announce a four day delay of the course, and a different venue--proved once again to be beneficently arranged and exploited by Nature. The hotel owners at the Prâtchli put me up for the night--I was the only guest--and then made contact with the hotel near Lucerne, the Park Hotel, where Maharishi was staying. Stranded as I was, I was able to persuade John Cowhig, Maharishi's personal secretary, and brother to Gemma Field, who, with her husband Fraser, were two of my dearest friends, to arrange for me to stay in Gersau, just a few miles from Maharishi's hotel. Once established I was able to spend all my time at the Park Hotel, playing out this more favourable option, mixing with the various people who had the closest contact with Maharishi. Somehow I managed to find myself only a few feet away from Maharishi at most of the lectures, videotaping, and inauguration ceremonies. The section I was in was reserved for Maharishi International University faculty and guests. I did not know this, and I imagine the reason I was not asked to move was that I appeared to be a special guest. In any case, I spent seven days there basking in the sunlight of Maharishi's consciousness, sensitizing myself to the whole drama of his role, the relationship he had with the other teachers there.

It sounds mystical and perhaps presumptuous, but the bond between Maharishi and myself, first begun at Queen's University when I stood at one of the stage doors as an usher, and later strengthened during my teacher training course and especially at the time of being made an initiator, now became the dominant reality of my life. Each word, each gesture, the invisible spiritual consciousness and focus behind his apparent physical and obvious one, seemed directed towards my soul. I knew he knew I was there. I also knew he was still far too holy and infinite for me to touch. I could become enraptured by his beauty, the subtle movements of his cosmic mind, but apart from my extraordinary appreciation, Robin Carlsen, the being, was still very much in ignorance, very much less than I wanted to be.

The time finally came for me to go to the course, now held in Courchevel, France. There I began a ten week residence and almost at the start slipped into what appeared to be a higher state of consciousness. Maharishi had spoken of four states of consciousness that in evolving progression signified the steps of Enlightenment. First off after transcendental consciousness--the state a meditator reaches during his meditation--is cosmic consciousness, in which the perceiver is established in pure consciousness but perceives the rest of the world to still be finite. In other words he becomes infinity witnessing the finite, his own body and personality being part of that finiteness. Well this corresponded exactly with my experience: I floated in a kind of absolute bliss and watched as my mouth uttered sounds, as my body moved, as my individuality carried out its natural actions. In the midst of the experience I thought--or rather I witnessed the thought come: Maharishi says the real test is sleep--if pure consciousness stays awake while everything else sleeps, then one knows one is in CC. It was not long after retiring for the night that I awakened to my old boundaries, but I had experienced all the characteristics of an advanced state of consciousness, and this was gratifying indeed.

For the first six weeks the emphasis was on rounding, but then Maharishi announced the special surprise, hinted at when he was inaugurating MERU, Maharishi European Research University, while in Weggis, near the Park Hotel where I had spent the first week of my "unofficial" ATR.

Now up until this point I had gained concrete results from the long sessions of meditation and was fully prepared to leave for home knowing I had been graced, knowing that each moment had been used wisely. At the same time, just before Maharishi's announcement of his special evolutionary package (what turned out to be some awesomely powerful advanced techniques of expansion of consciousness) I received a letter from the Dean of Graduate Studies informing me I had been awarded a forty-eight hundred dollar fellowship, renewable the following year. This eased any financial worries I might have had, and in the eyes of my parents, gave me more right to enjoy this obsession with meditation, Maharishi, and Switzerland.

But here we were, about to return home, and Maharishi was promising to deliver some "powers" that would put us up there with Christ and Buddha. He said the atmosphere had become pure enough for some added techniques that would greatly speed up our evolution. Now it is important to point out that up until this time Maharishi had emphasized again and again that one must "capture the fort" (pure consciousness, Being) and then "enjoy the surrounding territory". In other words, the technique of Transcendental Meditation led to the wholeness of life, within which were all the "powers", e.g. telepathy, clairvoyance, etc. If one focused on acquiring these powers before acquiring the Fort, then one might get caught up in the enticements of a diamond mine, and never reach the source of those diamonds.

Now here was Maharishi openly discussing the acquisition of special powers, powers based on something he called "ritam", the power of manifesting the object of one's desire at will. It apparently worked like this: when we received our initiation into these advanced techniques, we would find that we could influence Creation on the level of our own desire, since we would be able to entertain that desire just at the point where Being was structuring the forms of itself, i.e. the unmanifest was becoming manifest. In this way one could spontaneously decide to see something, know something, touch something, and lo, it would materialize.

All this seemed pretty heretical given our well-preserved assumptions of innocence, and getting to the source before playing with the parts, but Maharishi had the unquestioned authority of his consciousness, and although what he was saying seemed contradictory, it must after all be right. In any case the proposition was exciting. Those of us who decided to stay--and there didn't seem to be any decision to make: if one had the misfortune of some irrevocable commitment at home, that would be cruel karma indeed--filled out application forms in which we stated whether we had experienced cosmic consciousness and/or "kundalini" up the spine. The kundalini experience seemed a fairly isolated kind of thing, and certainly was not a part of my remembered experiences, but the wholeness of CC, that was indeed convincingly a part of my evolutionary heritage, although at the time I was of course back in waking state--pre-CC-consciousness, along with everyone else excepting Maharishi.

Now as we were just about to leave for another area of France, I had done a somersault while running down a steep hill while attempting a shortcut through a dry river bed. It was a spectacular fall; miraculously in spite of the sharp rocks all around me, I escaped with a minor cut on my knee and grass stains on my blazer, but in the shock of the experience I felt the purification that it accomplished, that, as I was headed for something sacred and beautiful--a gift from the gods--I first had to earn this privilege, and in the sudden helplessness and vulnerability of that fall, something was paid back, and by the time I was on my feet I felt considerably lighter, more prepared for the blessings that were to come. By now I had interpreted each incident in my life--painful or otherwise--as fraught with meaning and spiritual significance. Never since my first transcendence did I for a moment question the wisdom behind each event, circumstance of my existence. In the case of the fall, it was yet another indication to me of the special attention I was receiving, this, that I might fully deserve the increasingly beautiful pattern of my destiny.

Once we had made the move to the remote ski resort of Place d'Ors we were divided up into groups according to the information we supplied on the forms. Now Maharishi has always been one for getting people to describe their "experiences", and once one knew that "positive" experiences were more likely to bring about the most potent of techniques, naturally each teacher tended to view his meditation history in the most positive light. There could be no question of the purity, the efficacy of the technique of TM, but the psychology of the meditator--his or her affirmation of real spiritual progress--was a most necessary feature of a teacher's life, and constantly Maharishi would play with the subjective vulnerability of his teachers, using "experience" questions to form various gradations, castes, and groups. Ultimately it really did not matter what sort of experiences one was having; the thing was to keep meditating, to realize the applied value of the technique in one's everyday life. But the interest in what group one would be placed in added to the secrecy and spiritual hullaballoo surrounding the new program. In my own case, despite disclaiming any "flashy" experiences of kundalini or even special powers, I was aware constantly of the perfect relationship I had with Nature: perfect not in the sense of my own perfection, but perfect in that I knew I was doing what was expected of me, that meditation was providing exactly what my soul needed, that I was in touch always with the appropriateness of whatever happened. For me the important thing was to receive the program; the touchstone of evolution remained always the beauty, the grace, the intelligence with which one lived, with which one emanated one's influence and uniqueness into the world.

In our hotel there were about sixty of us, and half of us--the men--met with Maharishi in a modest waiting room. Here we heard Maharishi discuss further enrichment of the program he was about to give us: a six month course which practically carried the guarantee of Unity Consciousness, the second stage of Enlightenment after cosmic consciousness, and for all intents and purposes, the supreme achievement of life. I was one of those who gave my name--the course was to start right away, the applicants would wait to receive the program--but with my commitment to graduate school, the fellowship, and minus the thirty-six hundred dollar course fee, I reconsidered and thus allowed myself to receive what Maharishi was to give to us right then and there; apparently only a fraction of what awaited the "six-month" participants.

It turned out to be plenty, making more than a fractional difference to my evolution. But before I describe my experiences under the new program I should point out a decisive event that altered my whole approach to my evolution. On the morning before we were to receive the first installment of our program--there was to be about seven separate initiations--I found myself pushed to the front of the huge throng of teachers. (This meeting was going on at the more central hotel and included as well as participants from the other hotels, about eight hundred newly arrived teachers about to begin their ATR--Maharishi's announcement of the special program occurred after the next course had already been planned, so here were hundreds of teachers hearing the news, having to wait until they had completed their initial six weeks of rounding.) Maharishi was at the front with eyes closed as one member of the Vedic Studies group demonstrated the "third set" of asanas (hatha yoga exercises) while another provided the commentary.

Now I had been assiduous in my regular "twisting and bending" as Maharishi called it, and had moved up from the first level to the second. But it had been emphatically registered upon my mind that these asanas were at best lubricative--they loosened up the physiology--and homogenizing--they spread the effects of meditation evenly throughout the body. In no sense was it made clear they were necessary, although "in the field" (back home in activity) we were encouraged to do one set a day. During rounding it was advisable to break up long sessions of meditation with physical exercise, but I never considered these "postures of devotion" (as they became for me later) vital to my evolution.

Well, Maharishi was obviously shifting his attention, and although many in the crowd ho-hummed at the demonstration, I picked up the significance of the event and studied each posture closely, realizing as I did how much more adept the asana demonstrator was than myself, how more sophisticated and "athletic" the third and final set was.

I had been passionately committed to sports and fitness in my high school days, but having developed strong intellectual and then spiritual interests, my concern with the calisthenic flexibility and strength of my body had diminished. Meditation with light asanas provided me with a distinct sense of well-being, and I experienced my physiology to be, while not ruggedly conditioned, nevertheless responsive, coordinated, and "sattvic" (composed of molecules that increasingly reflected light and purity: the criterion of real fitness). Now here as I watched the suppleness and grace of the boy performing the asanas, I felt an inspiration to perfect myself in this way, as it was clear Maharishi was suddenly attaching unprecedented importance to this aspect of rounding. He even recommended "full lotus"--if one could manage it. Even sitting for a while, in pain, was not a bad idea. Now that shocked me: I could not even come close to getting my legs in a position to accomplish this classic yogic pose, but here Maharishi was inspiring us to do so. With my usual intensity of purpose, I vowed I would do everything possible to master these postures and be able to sit in the full lotus--right through my meditation.

I returned to my room and then decided to check once again on certain fine points of the advanced asanas. Watching another teacher effortlessly perform bodily positions I only crudely could approximate, I felt the exhilaration of knowing here was something I could perfect, that would take me nearer to God. In one sense I was ashamed that I had been--unwittingly so--negligent in not refining my asana technique, but my athletic experience--cross country, track, basketball--now proved useful; I set myself the goal of actualizing whatever flexibility and dexterity was available and began the painful process of inching my way into the full lotus.

Well, just at this time we were presented with the first series of techniques, and their results were so powerful that it became easy to endure the discomfort and soreness of my asana regime. The bliss produced by the new program allowed me a divine distraction while I pressed one leg over the other, and, as the days went on, I came to depend on the lotus, for in the (by now I could hold on for about ten minutes) classic posture, there seemed to be a perfect balance and physiological unity to support the experience of bliss. My head filled up with energy and "prana" (life-giving, pure breath), and the pain just turned into ecstasy.

What happened in my room during those twelve days was miraculous. I mastered the third set of asanas, received experiences of love, wholeness, and divine exaltation that seemed about as close to God as I could imagine, and I felt an enormous strengthening and integrating of my whole personality. I had expected a great deal but the actual experience--my growth--exceeded any vision I had of beatitude prior to Enlightenment itself.

I cannot of course discuss the actual techniques themselves, but suffice to say, even in their conception, i.e. the actual content and scope of their meaning, they seemed as marvelous as contemplating the architecture of God's mind. Clearly the actual performing of the techniques affected the whole world, the whole universe; we were the blessed instruments and beneficiaries of this divine purification.

Now while my "experiences" were of a more universal and holistic kind, there were others who indeed began to manifest the "powers", the ritam that Maharishi had promised. In addition to the teachers on my ATR course, there had been a large group of people who had joined us in the advanced program from a teacher training course. It was, interestingly enough, among these individuals that the most spectacular accounts were told: seeing events at home thousands of miles away; diagnosing the exact nature of someone's physical ailment (seeing an X-ray of the internal parts of the body); meeting an immortal being; accurate foretelling of future events (humorous in this case: the person would see exactly what was on the table for dinner, down to the exact arrangement of the dishes); the materializing of the form of some member of one's family right there in the room. It was all stupendous, and I knew all the teachers and meditators back home who would hear of these stories would envy us, the first recipients of this new and wondrous technology. When the question came up about whether a desire might not necessarily be "life-supporting" (this in the context of ritam, where one simply desired and received), Maharishi quickly countered by saying that teachers would only have life-supporting desires; everything was fine.

In his grading system Maharishi gave A+'s for those who had demonstrated ritam, and lesser grades to those with less colorful experiences, right down to D for those with "nil" experiences. This latter group Maharishi interviewed right in front of everyone and he skillfully persuaded each and every one of them that indeed they had been successful, that the techniques produced satisfactory results. I recall getting a B+ rating, but for my own standards, somewhat more subtle than Maharishi's public criteria for success, I had achieved profound results.

Just before we were to leave the course, Maharishi had us, in groups of five, come to his room, there briefly to discuss the program we would carry on with at home: length of meditation, number of sets of asanas (how many cycles of asanas/breathing we would do before beginning our meditation and special programs). I remember long lines of people meditating along the corridor, and that magical moment when our group's number was called. Ushered in by one of Maharishi's aides, and sharing the room with the instructor who had been chosen by Maharishi to give us the program, we sat steadfast as this celestial, radiant being looked upon us from his couch. He was in a jovial state when we entered and played about with the various questions put to him, encouraging us, deflecting any doubts, emphasizing the innocence of the whole procedure. Then, just before we were to leave, it was asked how many sets of asanas we should do. Maharishi replied, "Three, morning and evening."

Well, that was an incredible prescription (and one that was only given to our group, although I now realize it was directed essentially at me--this that I could meet the divine time-tabling of my evolution), and when one teacher posed the dilemma of being invited somewhere for dinner and not wanting to cause a scene in order to complete the asanas, Maharishi quickly counseled using the bathroom to finish our routine--no one would know what we were doing in there!

I felt during our encounter with Maharishi (I said nothing throughout: there was nothing to say to God; He had given me everything, had made my experience transparently clear: I was coming towards Him) the subtle movements of feeling from his heart to my own, and in the magnificence of his being, I felt his ability to be projected--or to project--exactly what was necessary for each person, especially for the more deserving and graced--this, all the while appearing universalized for everyone. So much was said in that room--silently--and the vision of Maharishi clothed in his brown cashmere blanket over his silk dhoti, his whole presence burning in a fire of love and beauty perpetually shone in my mind. It seemed that from that moment on, I could just will it, and Maharishi was right with me, palpably, personally.

[Click to read Part 3 which introduces excerpts from " The Sunnyside Drama: The First Three Years of Enlightenment."]