The Dream Tiger

Several decades ago, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi gave the following comment (paraphrased here) on one of my courses:  "If a person has a dream that a tiger is chasing him, it doesn't help him at all that under his pillow he has a gun.  A waking-state gun is no protection against a dream-state tiger.  Likewise, if a real tiger is attacking, it doesn't help that in one's dream, one has a gun." Mahesh was trying to illustrate his teaching that what applies in one state of consciousness cannot automatically be transferred to another state of consciousness.

Of course we students already knew a lot about waking and dreaming.  In this lecture, he was attempting to explain three additional states of consciousness to us.  He had told us that if we practiced TM regularly, enlightenment awaited us.  In succession, we would attain "Cosmic Consciousness," then "God Consciousness" and then "Unity Consciousness."  (Historical note:  He later changed the name from "God Consciousness" to "Glorified Cosmic Consciousness.")   These, he said, were increasingly advanced states of "enlightenment."  He was using the tiger metaphor to explain that we shouldn't even bother planning for what we would do once we were enlightened, since once we were in that state, our experience of reality would change so much.

He never said it outright, but we all believed that he was in Unity Consciousness.  (Historical note:   When he announced a few years later that there was a state above Unity Consciousness, called "Brahman Consciousness," we all believed that he was at least in that state.)  I'm thinking over his tiger illustration now, and I wonder if he was not only telling us not to make plans for ourselves in "higher" states, but also that he was in such an exalted state himself that we were in no position to pass judgment on his actions.  That's one of the messages I took away from his lecture.  That anything he did, we should probably believe and obey, because he had a different, higher way of looking at the world.

Did you believe that we should not judge Mahesh according to the rules that the rest of us live by?  Was there ever a time when he did something that you felt critical of, and then reminded yourself, "We can't judge Mahesh by our standards"?     

More TM Promises: cumulative, lasting, speedy?

Here is yet another lens through which to view Maharishi Mahesh's many promises.  He told us that regular practice of TM would lead to both continued and permanent improvements in ones life, and that attending TM retreats would lead to exponentially quicker growth.  But what were the actual results?  What were the results for me?  What were the results for you?


Cumulative results?    When I first learned TM, I felt calmer, more productive, more energetic.  Every day I felt better than the day before.  That continued for about 2 months.  After that, even though I kept meditating twice a day, I didn't feel any continued improvement.  I plateaued.  Mahesh promised us that by practicing TM twice a day, we were on our way toward "the unfoldment of our true potential," but after those first 2 months, I didn't notice any additional changes. 

Permanent results?    When I learned the TM-Sidhis technique, sometimes I felt euphoric, at one with the universe, more confident, joyful, loving and energetic.  But when I stopped doing the TM-Sidhis, I went back to feeling the same way I had felt before I had started.  (In addition, when I stopped, I went through a period where I felt emptiness and panic .  It felt like descriptions I have read of people withdrawing from opiates.  I suspect that the TM-Sidhis was activating a brain chemical similar to the one that opiates and addictive behaviors activate).

What about "rounding?"  "Rounding" is the procedure for meditating more than two times a day.  It is done on TM retreats ("residence courses").  In my day, one "round" consisted of yoga postures, then yogic breathing, then TM, then lying down.  Mahesh promised us that rounding exponentially speeded up one's growth.  That is, doing TM eight times in one weekend was supposed to lead to more personal growth than doing TM eight times over the course of four days.  But actually, I never saw any fast growth from residence courses.  I would often get relaxed on retreats, and the relaxedness would continue for a while after I returned.  After a a weekend retreat, I'd be mellow for 3 days; after a six-month retreat, I'd be mellow for about a month.  But after that, I'd be back to my usual self.

What about you?  Did TM fulfill its promises of cumulative benefits, lasting benefits, and more rapid benefits from rounding?    

TM's "Enlightenment" Magazine

I was browsing through a recent TM organization (TMO) email, and discovered that the TMO publishes an ezine called "Enlightenment." 

Is this an appropriate name for the magazine?

I have heard that when young Brahmachari Mahesh (later known as Maharishi Mahesh Yogi) first taught in India, he put up a poster that said, "Enlightenment in Seven Days."  But as I don't remember the source, I'll call this a rumor, unless someone can confirm this in the "comments" section.

I heard from elder TMers that in the U.S., Mahesh promised that doing TM twice a day for 15-20 minutes would lead to enlightenment in 3-5 years.  Again, that was before my time, so can anyone confirm this?

But I can state from my personal experience that when I was instructed in TM in 1971, we were told that TM twice a day would lead to enlightenment in 5-8 years.

Anyone have confirmation of other promises Mahesh made?

I do remember that when Mahesh introduced the "Six-Month Courses" around 1975 (seeking confirmation on date), he said, "One Six-Month Course is enough to enlighten some people, two Six-Month Courses is enough to enlighten most people, and three Six-Month Courses is enough to enlighten a horse!  Ha ha!"  I assume he was joking about the horse, but not about the other things.

Does anyone remember any other promises about when enlightenment could be expected through TM?  By the time I was at my Teacher Training Course (about 1973/4), Mahesh was no longer giving out predictions.

Mahesh pronounced one man ("Andy") enlightened on my Teacher Training Course.  What's the latest about Andy?  Mahesh did or did not pronounce Robin Carlsen enlightened -- depending on your interpretation of his comment, "You are somewhere in the folds of Wholeness."  The last we heard from Robin (on TMFree), the "enlightenment" was a temporary state, and not in Robin's best interest.       

I understand that in Fairfield, there is a club for people who say they have reached "enlightenment."  What's become of that club?  All I know is the worst of the stories, of one young man in the club who has committed suicide.

Now it's "do the TM-Sidhis, eat ayurvedic, get yagyas, listen to chanting, live in a TM house," and some people have been doing all those things for decades.  How's it going?  Is anyone enlightened?

Personally, I think "Enlightenment" is a deceptive name for the magazine, but that's just my opinion. 

Second Hand Cult Abuse - Fifty Years

A TMFree Reader sent the following story in a small series of emails.
She gave permission to post the story minus names.
This resembles stories of many who lost loved ones to TM, or have TM family members.

**********************************

I have been reading some blogs over the past few days and wonder if anyone is interested in my experience with TM?  I have communicated with ++++ a number of times. It comes in waves, at the moment I have been following the Pandit riot.  Anyway to cut a long story short I am a 70 year old grandma in Australia whose marriage and life was messed up for a very long time due to the fact my (ex) husband's obsession with TM.

Has anyone looked into the effect on families, i.e. those partners who are not TMers and what they are put througyh and what numbers divorce?  I would very much like to be in touch with other such persons here in Australia. I am sure there must be a number just like me.

MM visited Australia on 7 Dec 1967. Husband was asked to organise accommodation, media etc. We picked MM up from the airport in our little car. MM wrapped his sari around him pushed me aside and squeezed into the front seat leaving me carrying a 16 month old and heavily pregnant to attempt to get into the back seat.  It started right there. I was pushed aside over and over for 20 years until finally I said enough. I am still getting over the constant TM bashing (like a non smoker who inhales cigarette smoke I was contaminated).

Briefly my ex husband (of over 20 years) did the teacher training course in Fiuggi in 1972. We had been living in Italy for 2 years and I was sent home along with my +++ children ++++. He stayed for 3 months. This was upsetting for the children and put even a bigger burden on me. Starting children in school alone, opening the house after a rental of 2 years, getting used to Australian way of life etc.  He had been meditating since the early 1960s but it did not seem a big problem back then.   

When my husband returned from Fiuggi in 1972 he announced almost immediately he returned that sex would have to fit in with his duties as a TM teacher, i.e. none before or during...what a shock for a young 27 year old to be told essentially that our sexual relationship would make him "impure". That I would have to "book" him ahead of time. He didn't say that in so many words but for all those years that is what I carried inside me. Our married sex life was over really. 

Anyway "Down the Rabbit Hole" has left a big impression on me. I do so identify with what and who my husband became in those years after Fiuggi.  I think you call it "disassociation"? wonderful word and describes him exactly.     

He did his teacher training in TM in 1972 in Fiuggi as I said and we had just completed a 2 year stint in Genova where he did post doctoral work at the University.  I observed a changed person when he came home 3 months later. He was glassy eyed for weeks and talked of little else than the film the TMers had seen at the end of the course...The Beatles Yellow Submarine!!  I was so exasperated. I had spent 3 months learning to live back in Australia with 2 little boys beginning school. The "disappearance" of their father for such a long time had a long term effect on our eldest son who was very stressed at beginning school without his Dad around.

TM replaced a father who should have been around for his children. He never had time to take his sons to sports etc and was minimally involved in their lives. As for me I spent school holidays alone with the children as +++ chose those times (Uni holidays) to go on his extra TM courses.    

But those 25 years were a big part of my life and should have been healthy happy ones. I am also very angry with myself for tolerating so much for so long. Why didn't I leave so much earlier and had the chance of beginning a new life without him or TM?   But gradually I began to believe there was something wrong with me because I didn't embrace TM. I put 150% into our marriage because I thought if I worked harder he would care more for me. The more I did the less he did, so the last few years he sent all his spare time meditating and running marathons. My mother in law asked me why I worked so hard!

Fortunately I prevented ++++ taking the +++ children++  out of the highly prestigeous school they had managed to gain entry for. He wanted to put them in a newly opened TM school (as I suspected the school lasted all of 6 months). Thankfully I won that one. 

Recently +++ has spoken to the family about having a unit with the door "facing the right way". My son thought he meant Feng Shuey (dont know how to spell it)...but I realise now that it is another directive from the movement. It's just never ending.  In short TM I have believed for a very long time is an addiction for some people, or rather for people "in the hierarchy of the movement".  +++  was/is very influential in the movement in Australia. I know now that a lot of our money was syphoned off to the movement which is why I never had access to our bank accounts etc.    

Mostly I dont think about TM these days (unless at one of the grandchildrens' parties and their grandfather is there, then I get all shaky which seems ridiculous). When I begin to read some of the stories online which I do every now and then it takes me days to get over reading about things I was so close to. I really dont understand it as I have been alone for 25 years now. A counsellor told me, much to my horror, that I was emotionally abused. No he never laid a hand on me but I know that it was abuse. Being made to feel a 2nd rate human being on the "enlightened scale" , being called crazy, are not the acts of a so called "enlightened" person are they? Problem is my children and friends think of him as a quiet gentle person. They also think I should "get over it". I had noone to speak with about this in those 20 years as we lived interstate. Had we been near parents and friends he wouldn't have got away with his actions and behaviour. Because I was the one to initiate a divorce I was treated very badly by his parents for some time. Ironically toward the end of mother in law's life she confided in me that they both "live on another planet"!!! Whoa why didn't she speak up sooner? 

Anyway I do feel for you having been in a real family tradition of TM. I truly don't know how you cope.  Joe was great..I know some TMers have referred online to his "mental condition". That seems a standard comment about ex TMers who speak out and must originate somewhere in the movement?  I also came across an item referring to MM saying bad things would happen to those TMers who did not conform to his wishes, or some such thing.  In Weggis one of the little TM children I spoke of referred to an Australian couple whose little girl was born deaf...he, all of 8 years, said Maharishi told those people not to marry and that is why they had a deaf baby....scary?

I am amazed and truly horrified at the recent riot in Fairfield and the details surrounding it. Haven't the authorities done anything about these people?  My ex husband spent 10 years on the Fairfield University Campus after we divorced (with wife #2 also a teacher). He was a Prof of Mathematics and no dill, or I didn't think so for a long time.

We also spent 6 months in Lucerne Switzerland where husband was wired for the brain wave stuff. I saw a lot of neglected children in Weggis (children of very well known TMers and was horrified at the lack of time education and care taken of these children (who latched onto me as a sort of 2nd mother as I wasn't involved in the TM side of things).

I would love to hear of anyone in a similar position to me.  You see even now writing this I feel a sense of guilt and fear.  Discussing TM brings on a trembling and agitation I can't explain.  I have seen and heard what the movement is capable of over a period of 50 years.

Sincerely

  

Grandmother in Australia

Video Interview with Steven Hassan

In the following short video, Steven Hassan, of FreedomOfMind.com interviewed Gina Catena about Transcendental Meditation during the  International Cultic Studies Association conference in Trieste, Italy on July 6, 2013. This interview was impromptu and unrehearsed.


Ex-Transcendental MeditationTM (TM) Gina Catena with Steve Hassan July 6th 2013 from Steven A Hassan on Vimeo.


Sadly, only a few hours after filming this interview, another young person who was raised with TM met a tragic death before a train, in the precise location where another suicide took place a few years before.

My (Gina's) postscript to the interview:  I don't think TM causes ALL the problems experienced by many devotees. However, TM often creates a smokescreen which masks underlying problems, thereby rendering the root problem untreatable. The smoke screen can become an expensive and dangerous distraction.

We at TMFree send sincere condolences to the recently deceased's family, and to others with losses related to cognitive dissonance and depression often experienced with cult mentality.

Concern for such losses keeps us "here."

Indoctrination is Subtle and Sneaky

At TM-Free we recently received a question from a concerned former TMer. What I found interesting about the email was that its writer is quite savvy about the hypocrisy of the TM organization, and has put a lot of serious research into cult issues. It brought home to me how there's always more to be learned about mind control, how it's all around us, how vulnerable we are to its sneaky tactics, and how we have to keep practicing our critical thinking. It also reminded me that we at TM-Free can serve a role in helping people learn how to deal with people they love who may be involved in a destructive cult.  

IMPORTANT NOTE: We at TM-Free are not professionals counselors in this field. If you are concerned about someone, read and consult professionals such as those listed on the right at our home page. (Note: We do NOT recommend the Cult Awareness Network, since that organization was bought by Scientologists a decade or so ago). 

Here is the question from the reader: I wonder if any of you know anything about the "XYZ" group. A dear relative of mine has gotten into it and swears her "cult radar" is not going off. But I keep seeing things in it that remind me of other groups that use undue influence. She is highly aware of the influence of group think, (emphasis added), having been along for the ride during the T.M. circus years in Switzerland during the 70's....  

Response from various TM-Free editors:  Keep an eye on things.  It doesn't necessarily matter how much she knew about cults ahead of time.  Once the right kind of person is in a trance state, the executive control function of the brain is shut down.  And without the executive control function, any foreknowledge about cults is not being processed or applied to the current situation.  Cult dogma can then be steadily ladled in without the person realizing it's happening.

And afterwards the person still doesn't know it happened, even after being away from the indoctrination experience for awhile.  People can't detect reality shifts; they don't remember what reality was like before the indoctrination.

Of course everything depends on how much "the right sort of person" she is.  Maybe she's not.

If you research nothing else, please watch this amazing YouTube for a demonstration of surreptitious induction of dissociation, and of exploiting it to change people's beliefs in under 5 minutes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dzn9rX7rauA 

This is an extraordinary demonstration of how easy it is to get people under your thumb, of how to be a cult leader.

Do look up the group in some of the websites listed on the right.  Also, here are some questions that might help you determine if she's unknowingly come under their influence:  Does she seem evangelical about the group?  Defensive about criticism of it?  Questioning of it?  How much does she say her life was "transformed"?  Is she keen to go back for more?  Is she keen to get you to go?

I can understand you wanting to keep at arm's length from the group, but it I were you I'd start asking her to share what she had learned from the experience, and what growth she felt she had achieved from it.  For one thing, you might get a better idea of where her head is at regarding it.  And if there are current or potential problems, you're better off establishing that she can share things with you, thus keeping the line of communication open.  

If she starts sliding down the slope into full-scale cult involvement, you want her to share the ride with you as much as possible.  You would then be an open connection to reality.  The reason that you want to back off if she gets defensive is to avoid triggering a cognitive dissonance response.  If she gets defensive, then don't be critical about the group, or she might disconnect as far as sharing about it goes:

http://goo.gl/MWaj 

which would shut down communication.

Or of course everything might be just fine with her.  It still wouldn't do any harm to open a dialogue about it with her.  Just be interested, curious and respectful when asking, not critical, to see how things lie.

The "cult leader" in the video mentioned above is Derren Brown.  Brown is a master of a classic branch of stage magic called "Mentalism."  You can find many excerpts from his performances on YouTube.  A "mentalist" is a performer who simulates having supernatural powers, but who is honest that it is all a fake.  A mentalist uses mental acuity, cold reading, warm reading, hot reading, principles of stage magic, hypnosis and/or suggestion to present the illusion of mind reading, psychokinesis, extra-sensory perception, precognition, clairvoyance or mind control.

In other words, a mentalist uses the exact same techniques that a cult leader uses.  The only difference is that the mentalist is honest about it all being an act.

(Thanks to Wikipedia and www.suggestibility.org for selected quotes).

In Memory of Beloved "Dan". Be True. Peace. Family Condolences.

(Names respectfully withheld, as requested by the mourning family)

A ‘gently grizzly” passed to eternal slumber last week. He wanted his story told.

"Whatever is unnamed, undepicted in images, whatever is omitted from biography, censored in collection of letters, whatever is misnamed as something else, made difficult-to-come-by, whatever is buried in in the memory by collapse of meaning under an inadequate or lying language- this will become,not merely unspoken, but unspeakable.”
-Adrienne Rich, On Lies, Secrets, and Silence

Electron webs of heavy-hearted global TM offspring buzz over another premature passing of a beloved peer. Like most TM-kids, “Dan” deeply loved his meditation and genetic family. Dan’s frighteningly strong arms will never again embrace anyone.

Many in TM’s global community care deeply for Dan and his kind family. Dan’s lifelong connections with the well-intentioned Transcendental Meditation community sustained him with compassionate love and commitment.

Raised with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s deemed enlightened peace plan through the global Transcendental Meditation Movement, Dan’s connections and love encompassed the world. Even as a youth, Dan lived by his recent favorite Facebook quote ~ “be true.”

Dan was one of the most kind, gentle and forgiving souls. He strove always to do right by himself and for others. Nearing age 40, Dan lived his last few years with his patient loving non-TM father. With support of his solidly stable father, family and far flung loved ones, Dan’s soul flowered peacefully through art, music, and his continued connections with global loved ones.

Dan joins one sister and his mother who passed before him.

I'm really sorry that I lied to you.

A trip down memory lane. Admitting a mistake and making amends. Pondering the power of mind control. Healing. Clearing your conscience. Whatever you call it....Here is an opportunity to share those inexplicable moments when you or someone you cared about experienced a split in consciousness, a moment of cognitive dissonance, the creepy power of doublethink, programmed dissociation. I have spoken with former TM teachers, and we are really sorry , and ashamed, that we lied to you.

I'll start the ball rolling by sharing some of the lies I and other former TM Teachers (initiators) regret having said while we were under the influence of TM.

Initiator #1: "I was giving an introductory lecture. I emphasized the physiological, psychological and social benefits, and the scientific research, as I had been trained to do. During the question and answer period, someone asked if this technique had a spiritual aspect. I answered, "No. Absolutely not. There is nothing spiritual about this technique. It is absolutely practical, to be more effective in the world."

Commentary: What the heck was I thinking? I was lying. After all, on the third day following initiation, the topic was how TM leads to cosmic consciousness. Mr. Mahesh had a phrase,"TM unfolds 200% of life - 100% material and 100% spiritual." So why the heck did I say that? I guess because on my TM Teacher Training Course (TTC) we had been taught to swear that TM was not a religion, did not interfere with anybody's religion, did not conflict with anybody's religion. That we should emphasize the practical benefits of TM and not turn people off by mentioning cosmic consciousness, God consciousness or unity consciousness. Mr. Mahesh tutored us, "In the scientific age, we speak in the language of science." I'm really sorry that I lied to you.

Initiator #2: "I was co-teaching a TM course with another initiator. During the first day following initiation, a student asked about the exact pronunciation of his mantra. My fellow initiator said that it didn't matter, you shouldn't think about it, it wasn't even an English word; it was a Sanskrit word. My mother, who had been initiated a few months earlier, called me on his comment. 'What do you mean, it's a Sanskrit word? We were told it was a meaningless sound.' I thought very fast, trying to find some wording that covered the behind of my fellow teacher, and said, 'Well, it comes from the same tradition as Sanskrit words.' "

Commentary: What the heck was I thinking? I was lying. Why? Because I had already intuited that there was something dishonest in TM about the mantras. I had not exactly been taught that the mantras were Sanskrit words, but I had not exactly been taught that they weren't, either. (Mahesh definitely had not taught us that they were the "seed form" of Hindu gods). However, my fellow initiator made his comment in his official capacity, in public, to a bunch of new, impressionable TMers. So I wasn't about to blow TM's reputation by admitting that my fellow initiator didn't know what he was talking about, or that we didn't actually learn precise information on TTC - no! The impression we initiators were working so hard to create was that we were so thoroughly, rigorously trained that we didn't contradict each other or make errors about TM. I'm really sorry that I lied to you.

Initiataor #3: "On my TTC, they drilled it into us that TM was the solution to all problems in all fields of life. TM research was especially impressive on health benefits. I remember that they said, 'If someone has a heart condition, encourage them to start TM right away. Because you never know when a person might have a heart attack, and TM is so helpful for the heart.' But on one of the very last days of TTC, they mentioned very quickly in passing that TM might worsen an epileptic condition. Fast forward to several months later. I have given the introductory and preparatory TM lectures. Now I sit in private with a soon-to-be-initiate, reviewing her personal interview form. And there, under 'physical problems,' they've written 'epilepsy.' What can I possibly say? 'Oh, ignore everything I've said at both lectures. The research is biased. Protect your health. Don't learn this meditation. It can be deleterious to you.' Can I say that? Of course not. So I said what Mahesh had taught us to say, 'Oh, good, TM will be helpful with this, too.' I'm really sorry that I lied to you."

Commentary: The whole reason for the introductory lectures is to convince more people to start TM. The charts, graphs, scientific research, all are to raise the hopes of the audience that TM will give them marvelous gifts. Mahesh has even instituted a "World Plan," promising that TM will solve all the physical, emotional, social, law enforcement, economic, educational, governmental and spiritual aspirations of humanity....Except if you have epilepsy? Then TM might make you sicker? No, our job was to say whatever we could at the intro lectures to successfully recruit. Even if that meant lying. Even if we had to present fraudulent research. We had unknowingly been conscripted as missionaries to spread TM. So what can you say to this hopeful recruit? So I swallowed my saliva, and my integrity, and said, "Oh, you have epilepsy - well TM should help with that too." That happened decades ago. I don't remember your name, or if you are still alive. But I remember that shameful moment, and I pray that I didn't injure you with that initiation. I apologize, and I hope some day you will forgive me. I am really, really sorry that I lied to you.

Well, now it's your turn. Do you have any stories you want to tell about lies you or your friends told while you were under the thrall of Maharishi?

A weird thought about Armageddon

The battle of all battles between the forces of good and the forces of evil is supposed to take place at har Magiddo; at least that's the x-ian fantasy that fuels much of the fundamentalist and militant rhetoric of the reactionary right. Nothing like a bit of fear-mongering to generate some control, eh?

And this has what to do with TM?, you might inquire.

Well, as John has reminded me, we lived with the threat of WWIII all though the "cold" war period. And as John also reminded me, it is important, too, that we keep in mind that Mahesh was no slouch when it came to using fear-mongering to get more and more people to buy into his delusional reality/fantasy that TM and his 'sidhi' bollocks was going to make the world safe from disaster!

Yet, Mahesh was the disaster when it came to individual lives. TM and his cockamamy 'sidhi' conglomeration only made the delusional fantasy-world of Maheshism a nice place for Mahesh

It's just a thought, of course, but I was reminiscing about that moment when Mahesh handed me the piece of paper with the mantras (on that course, by age and gender). I knew at once, obviously, that there was no such thing as the mystical knowledge of assigning the right mantra and that Mahesh's so sweet and clever talk about choosing the right mantra was simply crap. The illusion and the delusion perished, much as that piece of paper would have had I taken a match to it. But, the human brain, even mine, does a lot of calculations almost instantaneously. It comes as no surprise, now, that there was more than that one illusion perishing. Other firmly held conceptualizations (since TM isn't a belief system «smirk», I can't say beliefs, now, can I?) were threatened, were teetering on the brink of distruction. The mind had to wonder, what other convictions (ok, beliefs) did I hold that I hadn't questioned?

Yes, and, well, you mentioned Armageddon???

Isn't this the real Armageddon, the mind itself, where the ultimate battle, the battle to end all battles takes place? and what battle is actually fought there?

One of the things that seems to me to be most responsible for keeping believers believing is the reluctance, the absolute dread and horror if we really must call a spade a spade, of questioning the unquestionable, thinking the unthinkable, speculating, wandering outside the safe boundaries the leader has established - for our own good, of course. Because the fear of straying is so adamentine in the doctrine (in this case, the dogmas of Maheshism), the fear of straying frequently outweighs the obvious conclusions any otherwise rational person might draw. It certainly kept me in line! At least for a little longer.

But the peculiar and unique thing about Maheshism and probably Scientology and the Rosicrucians and possibly those who follow Yogananda, is that there is something more being dangled in the not too distant, soon to come to fruition, future! The what if's set in!

I suspect that confusion of thought, that uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously, that inability to grasp how the magician does his tricks (and what if they aren't tricks but actually magic after all) that is the real Armageddon that most devout TMers are hiding from, buying all the TM stuff they can to buttress their mental fortifications against questioning their own beliefs and having to face that nasty business of one's own mental warfare! [horrors of horrors, what have I done?!?] Then you would have to actually question Mahesh, wouldn't you! Was he really what you imagined? What got you to imagine that in the first place? How did Mahesh manipulate you? Dare you look at what HE achieved, for himself, of course, by manipulating you?

I certainly didn't really question, even when Mahesh handed me that piece of paper. He was so diabolically clever, too. He had me recite those holy, sacred, immaculate, wonderful, special mantras, then he took the piece of paper, folded it, gave it to me and then held my hands in his (he had really huge hands), for several seconds that seemed almost eternal, as he gazed into my eyes and reminded me how important I was to him. (Daddy loves you best! «snork»)

Yet, the battle had started and the forces of Maheshism were already winning.

The real groundwork for that ultimate battle took place during those two years living with Mahesh and his travelling circus of TM courses from Mallorca to Fiuggi and then La Antilla, helping to make the SCI course (oh, why, oh, why, didn't we know about C.S.I.-type thinking then!!!), planning the placement of the microwave towers to broadcast SCI to the whole world and then trying for 9 months to teach it in India.

It's hard to just chuck it all, toss in the towel and walk away when you're on the other side of the planet from home and only have the little spending money Mahesh allowed. But those thoughts were beginning to gain the day.

I finally knew that the clash of mythos and reality was what was ringing the wake up! bell, causing all the racket that certainly wasn't musical. Something HAD to be done and I didn't know what and knew I was shrinking from facing the facts!

Now the forces of my own mind were beginning to see that there were more holes in Maheshism than in a block of Swiss Cheese!

Armageddon is very, very real. Cognitive dissonance is very, very real. The results are, to pull no punches, very difficult to manage, especially the internal, mental one I am talking about here. AND it's such a relief to have got on with it because now I can constantly question myself, my burgeoning beliefs and conceptualizations!

For example, Wow, this is a great book I'm reading, this is a great author! - really? and with whom are you comparing this author, what, I must constantly inquire, is the basis for the argument I am making in favour of gratifying my ego?

And, who knows, some day it may turn out that the right-wing reactionary fundys were right — although that kind of reasoning is like thinking that because you have been beating your head against the wall and finally it rained is a significant cause-effect relationship.

For more useful information relevant to getting free from the mental Armegaddon of TM vs Reality, click on the title at the top.