Friday, April 26, 2013

Dozing for Dollars - Advanced Transcendental Meditation provides for the Eternally Dissociated

(This tongue-in-cheek advertisement describes a real fund for TM-Sidhas and TM-Governors to practice advanced TM Programs as their full time job, 8-hours daily, in the Golden Domes of the Age of Enlightenment on Maharishi University of Management in Fairfield, Iowa).

At last - you can earn a living while contributing to the supernatural hypothetical Maharishi Effect for World Peace!

You too can receive up to $815 monthly to participate 8 hours daily in Fairfield's Invincible America Program, otherwise known as the "I.A. Course". To make it even easier, I.A. Course commitment was reduced to only one month at a time!

Howard and Alice Settle oil and gas moguls amongst Maharishi's wealthiest devotees, created Howard and Alice Settle Foundation  with an annual twelve-million-dollar grant for an Invincible America fund to support Maharishi's vision, and get TM's embarrassing dissociated space-cadettes off the streets of cozy Fairfield Iowa. Maharishi University awarded honorary Doctorates in World Peace to the Settles for their donations to this effort.

The qualifications are simple :

Are you unable to support yourself after years of dissociative "transcendental consciousness" as experienced during Maharishi's TM-Sidhi Program and living on Maharishi's promises of "Do Less Accomplish More", until you are unable to do anything?

Did you invest yourself in advanced TM training to become a Sidha - an enlightened being with mystical powers including levitation for promised rewards of health, wealth and enlightenment?

Are you unable to support yourself with your useless advanced degree in Vedic Science from Maharishi University of Management  for which your federally guaranteed student loans are now in default?

Did you spend your working years training and teaching TM or working on staff at Maharishi's facilities for a marginal livelihood without retirement funds?

Are you able to converse only with those who share a history in the TM Movement?

Do you feel emotionally safe only with other TM-Sidhas or TM-Governors?

Do your pre-TM family and contacts refuse to financially support you? 

Do you miss counting the myriad of triangles in the umbrella-curved geodesic dome ceiling?

Rather than publicly embarrassing the TM Movement by wandering in poverty, you'll have a warm place to go every day with others who are also qualified only to close their eyes in one of two large wooden domes, embraced in Maharishi's safety net inside the prairie's two man-made breasts on Maharishi campus.  

Listen to Howard Settle speak of the devotional cult value this advanced program. As you watch the video, note Howard Settle's enlightened clothing, the required tan or silk suit and gold tie, and his office with expensively approved Sthapatya Veda style architecture.

Thanks to Howard & Alice Settle's generosity, you too can receive between $700 - $815 monthly to attend the dome program with 3 - 4 rounds daily - each round consists of a cycle of asanas, pranayama, meditation and sidhis. Two rounds in the morning and one or two in the afternoon. This takes about 8 hours daily of your time, seven days a week. You will further your experiences of deep transcendence, err dissociation, and help assure the needed numbers for Maharishi's promised Super-Radiance Effect.

At last, “Program” will be your 56-hour-weekly job! 
You can claim to be one of the global elite with your full time commitment to enlightenment and world peace! 
You will have no excuse not to meditate yourself to greater enlightenment experiences, otherwise known as further dissociation! 

Your rising Kundalini towards your crown chakra will be assured by Settle Program monitors who remind you to remain sitting up during program, rather than snoring in drool on those rumpled white sheets over the high density rebound-foam. Unlike those who pay for their own Program participation, you will not be allowed to sleep horizontally throughout “Program time” (of course, you must lie down during regulated rest times). 

Video about TM & Kundalini : 

Settle monitors were instituted after homeless grant recipients used to access a warm group snooze to fulfill their daily commitment to the I.A. course, because they were bored with expensively learned mental recitations.  Then they partied all night after sleeping in the domes. 

If you are a long term meditator, the sitting requirement should not dissuade you from needed sleep, since most long-term meditators can readily sleep in a sitting position.

Today, some recipients of the Settle grant rotate nights on the sofas of other Fairfield friends as they live in support Maharishi's vision. Other grant recipients rent a cheap room nearby. A few recipients supplement a small Social Security check with their Settle grant for a reasonable Fairfield-based lifestyle.

If you are in good standing with the TM Movement, you can apply for the Settle monthly stipend with this Financial Support Request.

Two important caveats :  
1) Program attendance is mandatory to receive your stipend! You must attend at least 80% of the scheduled Programs to receive your stipend. If you miss more than 20% of Dome Program in a given month, your stipend will be forfeited.  

2) You must remain in good standing with the TM Movement by living an exemplary TM-Sidha lifestyle and never question nor speak negatively about Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and the Transcendental Meditation Movement.  

Fine print : There is no guarantee how long this fund will continue. When the Settle funds ends, you will be back on the streets begging for sponsorships in the old TM tradition.

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